My husband recently had a 2,237 mile adventure, calling it a second mid-life crisis.  He spent that time driving home to see family, visiting former students and colleagues and places that had been important to him in his life and career.  The mid-life sports car was put to the test and passed with flying colors, creating conversations with strangers and giving his mom a ride with the top down to visit local cemeteries.  He came home a different person, a little lighter in spirit having created some needed closure.

There are things that I’ve done where I’ve thought I might be going through a mid-life crisis myself. I bought the beetle, changed jobs, continue to color the hair when we ALL know it’s just REALLY gray.  But there have been changes in behavior as well.  I’ve often categorized it as “grumpy old person get off my lawn” syndrome.  My patience with things like, well, stupidity is shorter than ever and I tend to get snippy at the drop of a hat.  My eating habits have changed as well.  I knew there was something really wrong when I got Pokeman cards in my cereal and I have to have maraschino cherries on my ice cream every night.  I want people to just leave me alone and I could really get into hiding in my room – except I share it with someone now.  And then it hit.  I’m not having a mid-life crisis.  I’m having a second adolescence.   

I’m not sure I had a first one.  I’ve always been a rule follower, I didn’t have hissy fits or an attitude, at least to their faces (I knew better), I didn’t even try to drink, smoke, swear or do anything remotely inappropriate.  Unless you call eating ice cream sandwiches for breakfast inappropriate. As a teenager I didn’t get the cool first car, I rode my bike, took the bus or got a ride with friends.  Next thing I knew I was a 20 something with a husband and kids and working to make ends meet.  It only makes sense that since I didn’t have time to be a totally annoying adolescent/teenager when I was the right age, that I’m doing it now.  

Seriously, the mood swings, the cravings for sugar, the lack of self control, the drinking and swearing – well not all the time – the not wanting people to tell me what to do.  Yep, classic adolescence.  I want to selfishly do what I want to do, when I want to do it and how I want to do it.  And then I feel guilty about it.  Ok, so maybe I still don’t have the adolescent thing down. 

However, there is one part of adolescence that seems to be in full swing and that is I still want to have adventures and explore new things.  One of the hardest things during this pandemic for me was that feeling of being grounded by my authority figures.  For over a year.  I should say I was fortunate enough that not only did the virus not affect me personally, it didn’t really affect my family at all.  Other than we were stuck and unable to do the usual things like vacations, work travel and such.  After a whirlwind of traveling for several years, everything came to a complete stop, and just like an adolescent, I moaned and groaned about my lack of freedom.  It was difficult to know how to behave as I watched many in authority positions doing and behaving in ways that were contrary to each other.  How’s a kid supposed to know what to do with that kind of example?

I’m betting that a lot of you have gone through a second adolescence as well in the last couple of years. Adolescence is defined as a time of rapid physical development and deep emotional changes.  I don’t know about you, but this body definitely changed and the emotions have been on a roller coaster.  I’m angry at those in authority and don’t want to follow directions, looking at every possible excuse to ignore them and do my own thing.  But the biggest development is that I’m finally figuring out who I am and how I fit in the world.  Some might say it’s a little late, but I like to think it’s never too late.  This blossoming idea of self and watching it tick some people off has been very enlightening.  Some who have known me their whole lives are questioning my thought processes.  But I’m also figuring out that if I wasn’t making people question who I am, that I wouldn’t be changing.  And change, growth, and becoming everything I am meant to be is a good thing.  So let them question and look at me like I’ve lost my mind, I’m going to be whoever the hell I was meant to be. (See?  Swearing.).  The more I see and experience and learn by interacting with a variety of people means that if I don’t change, then there IS something wrong with me.  So this repeat of burgeoning adolescence is a good thing.

So, if you see me coming, don’t run away in fear like you might do with most adolescents but come join me.  While there may be the intermittent scary emotional encounters, you might begin to embrace this part of yourself again, just like I am.  And together we’ll go riding our bikes through the neighborhood, singing songs from the Top 40 and having ice cream sandwiches for breakfast.