I have spent the last four days on a riverboat docked on the Missouri River.  Even though I have traveled by myself before, there has always been someone I know at my destination and so I’ve never been totally alone.  This time I purposefully chose a place I had never been, with people I have never met, having to make decisions about my day and not having it dictated by others.  I maybe shouldn’t say dictate, as I have chosen my current path and that path tends to dictate what I do each day.  That says a lot, doesn’t it?

Today was wonderful and today was a struggle.  I find great comfort in spending time alone with my thoughts and I have had plenty of alone time today.  For those of you who have done StrengthsFinder, my top five strengths are Deliberative, Learner, Ideation, Individualization and Input.  I need a lot of time to think.  But like those faculty meetings where you’re asked to brainstorm something fairly detailed in five minutes, my days are filled with questions and requests for quick answers and turnarounds and after a while, my brain says NO!  So the wonderful part of my day was that I was able to work on NMEA things sitting on the deck in an Adirondack chair looking over the river by myself.  Then I went for a walk by myself through the beautiful little town cemetery taking some great pictures.  Then I took a long drive by myself with the top down, winding around farms growing lush green corn and soybeans waving in the breeze.  The conversations in my head were mine alone.

After lunch, I went back to the boat, did a little work and took a nap.  When I woke up, not that I hadn’t thought about this before, I came to the realization that this was the last night by myself, a good thing because I miss my own bed and Doug of course, but sad because I really needed this time of quiet contemplation about life and it was about to end.  Time slowed down so much over the last four days to the point I would think it was time for dinner and it was only 2:30 in the afternoon.  My days are usually so jam packed with “stuff” that I can easily work at my computer for 10 hours a day and time flies by.  And I’m exhausted.  But here, I eat when I’m hungry, I sleep when I’m tired, I do things when I want to do things.

I had planned to drive into the next town and grab dinner, and almost talked myself out of it, not wanting to leave the room.  Realizing how impractical that was, I finally got my stuff together and headed out to my car. On my way, I ran into the owner/innkeeper who asked how things were going and what I had done today.  We discovered on the first day that we both have a love for convertibles, and he was asking me questions about my car and telling me about his. Most people who come to the boat come on the weekends when there’s more to do in town.  I think he was concerned that I hadn’t enjoyed myself.  The conversation turned to why he decided to open a B&B on a riverboat.  He explained that he has run his dinner cruise for nearly 50 years but it wasn’t until 2003 that he decided to buy this riverboat and it wasn’t until 2009 that the rooms were completely renovated and ready to go.  All of this while he was working full time.  He smiled slightly, sharing his plans for the future of the boat, referring to them as his “last hurrah”.  Doing the quick math in my head, I’m thinking he’s at least 75 if not more and I see that even though he is retired from his “job” he is still pursuing his passion.  He talked about the flood that occurred a couple of years ago and the pandemic last year and shared that things had been rough.  But yesterday the power washer was out cleaning and the painter was out today painting and he’s making plans to move the boat to a higher, safer place soon.  He’s having his last hurrah on his terms despite the unexpected roadblocks that have come his way.

This was yet another well timed conversation with someone I didn’t know this week, and I found myself asking as I drove down the quiet two lane highway, what is my last hurrah?  What is that passion I work on even while I work at my “job(s)”?.  What is the thing I haven’t done for a long time because I haven’t given myself enough time to think?  The answer was obvious – it was writing.  The writing that hadn’t happened for a long time began again the second day and the stories are writing themselves, both last night and now again tonight.  Can’t tell you how much I’ve missed it.  And maybe, like the innkeeper and his last hurrah, maybe writing is mine.  Published or unpublished, doing it for myself, taking time to think and maybe, just maybe, getting others to think about and share ideas as well is all I want. 

I hit the ground running tomorrow morning with two meetings and getting things ready for upcoming events, and I’m a little afraid that I’ll pop right back into bad habits and end up having to dig myself out of the craziness I’ve brought upon myself again. I’m thinking that I might put a little water feature on the balcony to remind myself of the river, how it is bringing my passion back to life and perhaps setting into motion, my last hurrah.