Before I begin this apology, I want you to know that I had and still have the best of intentions.  After nearly 30 years in the classroom, having had countless successful practicum students and student teachers, I was ready to work hard to help my fellow teachers in the classroom.  What could I do to make things better for both the teacher and their students?  My enthusiasm for all the possibilities was probably my undoing, hence my apology.

Being a teacher leader is like being the drum major for a marching band.  I’m no longer the student but I’m not the director either. I’m somewhere in the middle, no longer having to do the daily grind of teaching but not in charge of the whole shebang either.  For me, it’s truly the best of both worlds and I still get to teach, only at a different level. I went at my new job like these teachers were my student teachers and I had to get them in shape in 4 months.  I was quick to find things they needed to fix, and fix RIGHT NOW.  I was feeling anxious for our new teachers because these poor young people barely had a student teaching experience and now they were thrust into their first teaching experience during a pandemic no less.  And it was my job to make sure they were going to be successful.  Talk about coming on strong! 

During the last school year, we had the opportunity to talk with teachers about this school year – what do we keep doing, what do we get rid of?  We gave teachers a voice, teachers who were excited and enthusiastic about getting back to “normal” and we went with it.  Colleagues I’ve spoken to across the country did the same thing.  How could we know that year two was going to be more difficult than the “pandemic” year?  How could we know teachers would be dealing with more behavioral and mental health issues, not only with their students but their own?  How could they know they would have to deal with catching kids up, having two beginning classes instead of one, recruiting, dealing with masks and vaccinations and quarantines, doing class coverage because there are no subs, covering for teachers’ classes when the teacher abruptly resigns in the middle of the semester.  We’ve known for years that we were headed for a massive teacher shortage and yet we pretended it would just fix itself.  It didn’t.  And the teachers who are sticking it out this year are the ones dealing with all of this.

My years of experience in the classroom never dealt with all of this.  One or two at a time maybe but never all at once.  Day after day without breaks, other than a minute or two to run to the bathroom or 15-20 minutes to throw down lunch, then staying for meetings or going home and working more at your job while you’re pulled by your family to be with them.  What can I do for my teachers to make things better?  Do I continue to push them to be better?  Do I work to make things easier or give them some relief?  Is pushing them going to ultimately give them some relief?

Now with an apology must come a pledge to change direction. I’m sorry I didn’t see some of this coming and that I came at my colleagues like gangbusters.  I will do my best to try to anticipate things coming down the pike by watching and listening to my colleagues across the country.  I’m sorry I came in looking for things I could “fix” and not things you were doing that could help others become better.  There’s not a better way to improve than to get with your colleagues and share best practices with each other.  This has been my focus for this year.  I apologize that I felt everything had to be fixed right now when we know all learning is a process and we measure the progress.  Then it’s my job to help provide tools that will make the lives of both you and your students better.  

In the meantime, I will do whatever I can to build up my music teacher colleagues, to let you know how important you are in the lives of kids everywhere, to speak out when those outside the profession speak in ignorance about what you really do, to help those in administration try to remember what it was like to be in the classroom and to step into the classroom often enough that I don’t forget what teaching is all about.  Being a real leader means that I need to walk beside you and not step out in front of you.