I have to say that Kinders are some of my favorite people – in small batches.  I can definitely handle them for 50 minutes at a time, but I tip my hat to those who teach these littles all day long.  The art of maneuvering around all the questions and stories that have nothing to do with that day’s lesson is mindblowing.  So the other day, I found myself observing a lovely class of 5-6 year olds, some of them so tiny it was crazy to think they could be in school.  But there they were, little feet walking excitedly into the music classroom, ready to share their latest adventures with their teacher and student teacher and ready to have new adventures with music.

What I love about kinders is that they know no strangers.  “Hi!” they said as they walked in and sat on their dots, some of them waving as they greeted me.  It is a small, oddly shaped classroom and I was trying to sit as out of the way as I could, however, one little girl insisted on sitting on the dot almost under my chair.  “Do you have enough room?” I asked.  “Oh yes”, she responded, looking up at me with a smile.  Obviously someone who needed a new friend.  The teachers got right to work with that day’s lesson and the students were immediately engaged in learning all about notes and their values, reading them, clapping them, manipulating them with little cards and finally, creating notes out of pipe cleaners.  Oh joy!  Oh wonder of wonders! 

What might look like child’s play to us is anything but to a group of little people.  Their little fingers worked hard to shape the ends of the pipe cleaners into note heads, but small motor skills are still difficult at this age.  As I was sitting there observing, one little guy turned to me and asked, “can you help me?”.  Well of course!  Let’s figure this out!  So on the spot, I’m working with those little fingers to find a way to make working with these pipe cleaners a little easier, encouraging him when he gets something that resembles that note head.  

Can you help me.  Four little words that are difficult for some people to ask.  We’re afraid we’ll look stupid, especially the older we get.  But little people want to try new things and  sometimes, when they just can’t get their fingers to work the way they want, they’ll ask for help.  When do kids start feeling bad about asking for help?  Some don’t stop asking because they understand that’s what teachers and adults are for, is to help them.  But something has to happen along the way that discourages some children from asking for help, and that in turn diminishes their learning.  

Think about it – anytime a child wants to help or learn and we find a way to dissuade them or discourage them because their clumsiness gets in the way of us getting things done, we tell them that it’s not ok to ask for help or ask to help.  It tells them that our schedules and getting things done right are more important than them experimenting, making mistakes and learning.

There’s a great video I saw online recently about a “funcle” (fun uncle) teaching his toddler niece how to pour various liquids into a glass.  As you can imagine, the first times are all about spilling and overflowing and a lot of cleaning up.  But the uncle and his niece just say, “uh oh”, clean it up and try again.  And again, and again, each time teaching something a little more nuanced, like exactly where to hold the bottle or how to angle it. And when to “stop” – a concept so simple but so elemental when you are trying to pour liquid into a cup.  All of this to say, that by being patient and being available when a child asks, “can you help me”, you get to that moment when the child triumphantly says, “I did it!” which in turn encourages them to try something new.

I would love to say I figured this out with my own kids, but I’m sorry to say they got the brunt of my lack of patience and I only learned this after having taught for so many years.  It’s important that kids have adults in their lives who say “of course – that’s what I’m here for!” when they ask for help.   I wish I had figured that out sooner.  

It was still a joy to be a part of that little person’s life the other day and I hope that asking for help and getting it will give him the confidence to always ask when he needs help.  Hopefully as an adult he’ll pass that on to any children in his life.  How many of us still need to ask, “can you help me?”.