The poster was displayed prominently on the wall at the front of the classroom.  “You Have the Power to Make the Right Choices”.  It was affirming the power of self control, of thinking before doing or saying something you shouldn’t, an encouraging statement for students who perhaps don’t always feel like they have any power.  Not a bad thing at all, except I couldn’t get past the word “Right”.  Who determines whether or not a choice is “right”?

You see, saying something is right or wrong is a judgement call and just who is making it?  Is it your parent, teacher, employer, God – I don’t mean that in a flippant way by any means, but if there is judgement, do you allow that judgement to take away your power to make choices?  

Sometimes we’re judging ourselves.  We’re perfectionists, or maybe we’ve allowed our emotions to take over instead of our brains, or perhaps there’s a tape of someone else’s voice running around in your head telling you any number of things.  That voice can be very powerful.  Powerful enough to take away any power you think you had or would love to have to make any choices, much less the “right” choice.  

Making the right choice takes courage, because making the “right” choice for me may not be the “right” choice for you.  Can you live with that?  As a parent, can you live with a choice your  child has made for themselves without judgement?  I have difficulty with that one because I often feel my choices are the “right” choices for them, justifying that with “I just want the best for them”.  But that takes away their power to choose, doesn’t it? Can you make the “right” choice for yourself that may be in direct conflict with co-workers or your boss, especially if it means a major change?  Choice can be hard.  If only choice involved easy decisions like choosing between milk chocolate and dark chocolate….

I used to be very black and white in terms of what was right and what was wrong.  It seemed so simple.  I was TOLD that it was simple.  I was TOLD what I should think was right and what was wrong. Chosen behaviors were either good or bad and so much of the time, you interpreted it as though you were either good or bad.  And I wanted to be good, which was the “right” thing to be.  I still do (mainly because I’m afraid of judgement) and wonder why others don’t. Sometimes we avoid making a choice altogether because we’re afraid of making the wrong choice.  It’s easier to avoid than to make a mistake that others might judge.  We’re back to that judging thing again.

So many times I hear that some people have no choice, but that’s not true.  People may not have the same choices, but everyone has choice.  We have choices all day every day, they’re just different.  Sometimes we don’t feel like we have a choice, but there is always a choice. Maybe that’s why nothing ever really seems to change – because we don’t believe we have any real choices. All of us, no matter who we are, can change the trajectory of our lives and others with the smallest of those choices.  But how many of us believe we can really make the necessary choices to change that trajectory.  Are we lazy, afraid or just stuck? How time consuming is it to have to question whether or not we’re making the right choices?  No wonder we never get anything done!

I’m a believer in trusting my gut when it comes to choices.  I’m not saying I have always followed my gut, but I’ve learned that when I do, I have more of a feeling of calm that the choice I made was right for me or my family.  I spoke with a lovely young woman yesterday who is coming to a life crossroads where there are many choices to be made that must be congruent, and like a lot of us, I’m sure there was a list of pros and cons, positives and negatives.  At some point, however, a choice or several choices will need to be made.  Life becomes stagnant without making choices.  Although I suppose again, not making choices is a choice.  Going with that gut however, even if there are butterflies involved, tends to take you in the direction you should go.  There are times I should have trusted my gut, I didn’t, and I regretted it.  And there are many times I did trust my gut, despite people telling me to do otherwise, and many adventures followed.  Not always pretty and smooth, but adventures.  And life should be an adventure, right?  

Look, I’m not saying that the person who created this poster was saying the wrong thing – that would be a judgement call and most of us are striving to be the best person we can be. But what if it had said “You Have the Power to Make Choices” – or “You have the Power of Choice”  and teach children that they can take their time, think and make a choice that feels right for them, guiding them in a way that is not harmful, but maybe doesn’t look exactly like what someone else would do.  What choices would you make if you weren’t being judged?  Is it possible to ignore judgement and do what is right for me?