I’m in trouble.  Over the past couple of years, I have lost 40 pounds.  Before you congratulate me, you should know that I GAINED those 40 pounds while teaching and traveling over a period of years.  I was such a regular at my local Amigos (where they served Winchell’s Donuts), that the wonderful manager knew me by name and had my order bagged before I walked in the door.  They were gone by the time I got to school or soon thereafter and if (heaven forbid), there happened to be donuts at school, I would say, “it’s only one more”, and have that one more.  

I worked late enough most afternoons/evenings that I would just grab something fast food on the way home, especially if Doug had an evening rehearsal.  After all, it’s a pain to cook for just one person and I was all about instant gratification.  Traveling to conferences and meetings was wonderful, especially the food.  We joked about each of us getting different desserts so we could split and share them.  There’s nothing like all you can eat bacon at the breakfast buffet.  So, the weight piled on, the clothes got tighter and the energy waned.  I couldn’t sit on the floor with the kids anymore, mainly because I had trouble getting up, and I could no longer dance and sing at the same time.  Food was my kryptonite and my panacea and I just couldn’t say no or stay away.  Then, the pandemic.

We had to eat at home.  Doug did all the grocery shopping. We didn’t do drive thru for quite a while and even when we did, it was only once in a while.  No more donuts at school because I wasn’t in school. No more traveling to conferences and eating from expansive buffets.  And just as slowly as the weight piled on, it began to disappear.  It’s not where I would ultimately like it to be, but let’s just say I had no choice but to go clothes shopping because nothing stayed up.  It’s a good problem to have.  I changed jobs, and some of my stressors went away, so stress eating started to go away.  Water and juices became a part of my day, balancing the daily intake of Diet Coke.  Ok, I may never balance the intake of Diet Coke, but I’m trying to have more variety in my life. The energy was back, I stopped getting sick and I stopped huffing and puffing when I walked somewhere.  Today however, I felt myself go backward….

I started off well.  Breakfast at home and off to work.  A few hours into the morning, and my wonderful boss walks by my desk says the word:  Donuts.  He had extra from a meeting.  I had resisted yesterday, well, more like I didn’t have time yesterday, and I said to myself, nope, I don’t need this.  Until I walked by the box and the chocolate frosted donut looked right at me and said, “you know you want to”.  I did, so, I did.  But that was it.  No more.  I grabbed lunch through a drive thru (going from one job to another), ate it at my desk, and about 12:45, the voice of my new principal comes on the intercom and says, join us for an ice cream social at the rec center.  I was going to resist, I really was, until a small group of new colleagues stopped by my door and asked, “Judy – do you want to join us?”.  How could I say no?  After all, we were going to have to walk a block to get to the rec center and a block back.  I would get my steps in.  A half hour and a bowlful of cookies and cream with chocolate sauce later, I walked back to my room and went back to work.

Fast forward through a work day, an open house and joining a zoom meeting late at school, it was 7:30 before I went through drive-thru #2 for the day to pick up dinner.  Have we talked French fries?  Having worked an extra long day, I sat with my feet up, with another Diet Coke (I lost count) and thought, I need a goodie.  Ooo, I have Oreos! So, yes, I had a donut with ice cream and an Oreo chaser.  

I know what it takes to lose the weight and when the opportunities were taken away to grab junk anytime I wanted it, it happened.  Going back to “normal” presents all kinds of trouble for me.  I know school communities speak love through food, something I appreciate as a Southerner, but I really like the new smaller clothing I’ve gotten to buy.  I like being able to sit on the floor again AND be able to get up.  I like being able to climb a flight or two of stairs and not have to stop halfway to breathe.  But is it enough to stop the temptation to drop everything to walk a block for ice cream with my colleagues?  

I’m in trouble my friends.  Pray for me.