My idea of baking is picking up a cake at “Nothing Bundt Cakes” or something at the grocery store bakery.  My kids used to get excited about me making slice and bake cookies with cheers of “mom’s baking cookies!!”.  It’s like camping.  My idea of camping is a Holiday Inn (or nowadays, a Hilton), but I digress.  While I love to eat baked goods of all kinds, I just don’t have the time or the patience to bake anything these days.

Now, my husband will tell you that I bake pretty well, but I’m pretty sure that he has to because it was in the wedding contract.  I can make a mean chocolate pie from scratch but it’s been years.  And key lime pie is just way too easy to count as baking.  I never baked growing up because my mom was a great baker and she didn’t have patience for me making messes. But it’s not like I didn’t pay attention.

But times have changed.  In the last week I’ve baked tollhouse cookies, banana bread and now a banana pudding cake.  From scratch.  Trying to get rid of ripe bananas of course.  Lots of vanilla ice cream needed this week.  Good thing is was on sale 2 for 1. But why have times changed enough that I’m willing to find a recipe and hope I have all the ingredients?  Because I don’t get to create things with my kids right now and I NEED to create.

Baking has been a great way to work with my son who tends to isolate even we don’t need to isolate.  All I had to say tonight was “hey Dave, I want to bake something new” and he was there.  So we spend time talking together and he does the sous chef thing while I put stuff together.  He says it’s satisfying for him to chop walnuts and measure out ingredients.  I like multi-tasking and running things so I’m in my element.  And in the end, it usually turns out pretty edible.

With my days being full of sitting on the computer for hours, baking has been  surprisingly cathartic.  It makes me slow down and think differently and rewards me for my efforts in the end.  I’m not necessarily getting that in my day to day right now.  I’m not going out to eat, which is one of my favorite things, so I’m trying create variety here at home.  I’ve never been a very good housewife in any of the traditional terms.  I very much dislike cooking, cleaning, and staying at home in general.  I admit that I was eager to get to work after having my boys.  I’ve felt guilty about that for decades.  But over the years I have figured out that this is who I am and my boys turned out to be pretty great people despite me.  Or because of their dad.  We’ll probably never know.

So if we’re going to be stuck for awhile, it seems I’ll be doing some more baking.  I might even get to like it.  One of the bright sides of what has been a very strange time, taking me away from what I feel like I do pretty well and challenging me to try something out of my comfort zone.  Here’s to great desserts and no weight gain!

Years ago, after the boys moved out, we made the decision to downsize to a lovely apartment.  We gave away and threw away things we had held onto for years.  No more lawnmower or snow shovel as someone else would take care of that for us.  After all, we just needed a nice space to sleep, work and occasionally cook and eat.  We’re never home anyway so why invest in a space where we would have to spend an inordinate amount of time.  And for years, this place has served its purpose well.

For the last week, except for three days at school, I have spent all my time at home within seven rooms.  There are two more rooms, but my son lives in them, so they don’t count.  I really have no desire to live in them.  So, my time, usually spent at breakneck speed and  sometimes double booking myself has come to a virtual halt and the experiences I write about while out and about have stopped.  No more students, no more colleagues, no more travel adventures – which means my writing is going to change completely.  Can I make what I write about interesting when I am not writing about what I’ve done for nearly three decades?

Just like everything else in our lives right now, things have been turned upside down.  This is a situation where you either flee, adapt or perish.  While I might want to flee, I can’t, and I have no desire to perish, so I find myself working to adapt, and part of that adaptation involves what I can write about while closed up within seven rooms.  After all, now I have all kinds of time, but can I experience life fully while being trapped in such a small space with the same people for a long period of time.

So far, I’m doing pretty well.  I’ve been running like crazy for years, always wishing I had time to do this, that and the other.  This week I’ve worked on our office space, baked brownies and cookies and eaten at home for almost every meal.  I’ve taken naps when I’ve been tired, begun the “springification” of the apartment, started reading a book and have begun work on doing a podcast and plan to send my book transcript to an editor.  I’m still working three jobs, but I can set priorities as to when things can and need to be finished.  Totally freeing and so much less stressful.  For an introvert who loves to live in her head, this has been heaven on earth.

Eventually I’m sure this will get old, although if I can do the occasional retail therapy and have it delivered, I can make it work for awhile.  Do I miss the students?  Sometimes, but I’m in the process of a transition anyway and had been preparing myself for it as I tend to separate myself emotionally when necessary.  It’s a safety mechanism for me. This just happened faster than I thought.  But I love the opportunity I have to think, to breathe and to rest, and if this is the by-product of staying inside to keep ourselves and everyone else safe, I’m all for it.  I know that God is in control, no matter what happens, so while it’s a scary situation, I’m not really afraid.  So I’m going to do my best to embrace this new existence, be observant, and see what happens with the writing.  All within seven rooms.

 

In the normal world, I should have been on a plane for a couple of hours today to meet with some wonderful friends and colleagues to talk all things music education.  It’s something I was looking forward to, partly because of these great people, but also partly because of the energy that’s generated by being in a room full of highly intelligent and passionate people.  It won’t be the same virtually but in these new days, you do what you’ve got to do.  Thanks goodness for Zoom.

Zoom has become our new best friend.  I know that there are other ways to work virtually with others, but this is the one tech thing I don’t mess up as much.  I can even put together my own meetings!  I feel so accomplished!  I like being able to see people, to see their body language occasionally (of course if they don’t make any noise, you’ll never see them) and try to read some of that.

So now some teachers are going to use Zoom to teach their students.  Classroom management should be interesting.  It will be like Hollywood Squares, for those of you who are older, watching to see if one of your students is messing around with a friend virtually.  These kids are so savvy – they would figure out how to communicate with each other somehow while you were trying to teach.  As a professional, despite the fact that we’re using a completely different medium to teach through, our teacher training and years of experience are the still the foundation.  This is not the same for these poor parents who are trying to homeschool their children right now.

I’ve seen a lot of memes lately giving parents a hard time.  NOW they’ll see it really is their child who is the problem, not the teacher.  Now they’ll see how hard it is to keep a kid engaged in math for 30 minutes and have them do their work, IF the parents understand the “new math” to begin with.  There are jokes about bringing corporal punishment and prayer back to these “homeschools”.  Yes, those of us who have done this for years know how hard it is to really teach, and I, like many other teachers have said more than once “they should have to try this for one day”, but seriously, we need to give them some grace.

There have also been some memes going around about how fast teachers and administrators were able to get this remote teaching stuff going because, well, we’re just that good.  Someone actually called it “Apollo 13ish”.  After all, no other profession would ever be expected to do this type of thing in that short amount of time and then actually accomplish it, right?  Well, I hate to break it to everyone, but unless you’ve been doing this remote thing before, we’re all flying by the seat of our pants.  Again, our foundation in the art of teaching helps, but it should give us some empathy for those poor parents who find themselves doing something in 24-48 hours that we’ve been doing for years.  Grace.

We need to cut ourselves and each other a break.  All of us.  Do what we can do.  After all, this has been quite the learning curve, especially for those of us who like to go, go, go.  Do some studying, listen to or play some music, play outside, paint something.  Sit with your family around the dinner table and play a game afterward.  Help each other around the house and make it cozy for the long haul.  Take time to be grateful and to give grace.  We’ll get it figured out – we’ve got some time now. And once in a while, check in on your friends through something like Zoom.  It’s the next best thing to being there.  Zoom, Zoom!

I love a cliffhanger as much as the next person.  What is going to happen next?  Will the characters survive?  What makes a story a cliffhanger is that there is no closure.  No happy ending.  Everybody lives happily ever after.  One of the things that makes me crazed is not knowing when the cliffhanger will be resolved – I want to know what happens.  At the very least, I need to have a date to look forward to.

Today I walked out of my school, having stored things so the custodians could clean, taking the things I thought I would need to teach remotely and cleaning out some other things I had kept for years.  There will be no spring concert, maybe no end of year activities, maybe no goodbye.  I saw a few of my kids as I was leaving the building who waved and yelled “Hi Mrs. Bush” from a safe distance.  There were kids riding bikes, skating and playing basketball.  But there would be no hugs today and maybe not for a very long time.

I had done really well the last three days as I had finished grades, participated in numerous zoom meetings, took things off of walls and filled boxes.  Our team got together twice for meals today, seated safely at individual tables in he media center, celebrating two birthdays with our favorite donuts and then again this afternoon for lunch.

At the end of the day as I was finishing up, they all came to my room to say goodbye.  There were tears and hugs (Covid19 be damned), and not having any idea of of when we might see each other in person again, we promised to check in with each other once a week over coffee or wine.  A teaching team is interesting.  I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to work with this one at first but like any family, people grow on you.  We know each others idiosyncrasies, each others families and even what everyone’s favorite donut is.  Most of us have worked together every day for nearly four years.  We opened the school together.  Today was hard.

After loading Doug’s car with stuff, I walked around the room one last time to make sure everything was as it should be, turned off the lights and locked the doors.  I grabbed my stuffed purple crayon, (I am an elementary teacher after all), my purse and book bag and walked out the school doors.

Tomorrow is a new day and if the last three days have been any indication, the future will be full of surprises, both great and small, some good and some bad.  It will be important for all of to reach out to each other, to get over being afraid of bothering someone because they might be busy.  At some point we will all need an encouraging voice, a friendly smile and perhaps share a Diet Coke or glass of wine through a screen.  The cliffhanger has only begun.  Now we just have to wait until the sequel.

 

 

Before I begin this, I need you to know that I understand science.  I don’t believe solely in science but I do know that the earth is not flat and that gravity is a thing.  I believe humans have the capacity to do great things through science, to understand our world and to help fellow human beings.  However, even great scientists and physicians will concede once in a while to things they don’t fully understand.  And while I too can look at our current situation in this country, reading all things Covid19, with how rapidly things are changing, I find myself stopping to wonder why.

Maybe it’s just like the Big Bang Theory – this just popped up seemingly out of nowhere, spreading like wildfire.  We don’t understand it, can’t completely pin down its origin, can’t really seem to control it so what we’re told to do is hide from it.  Hide in our homes with our little nuclear families, staying away from work and socialization buying up toilet paper like fiends and just stopping.  Everything.  Now.

Now I don’t know about you but I LIVE on busy-ness.  My calendar dictates my days, nights and weekends.  It’s like life happens to me rather than me living life.  There’s a part of me that loves it, but at the same time I feel myself screaming inside for some tranquility.  More me time.  More time to get those little things done that always seem to stay on the to-do list. Well, seems I’ve gotten what I’ve wished for.

We’re being forced to interact, for long periods of time, with our families.  With nowhere to go and nothing to do, we’re going to have to be creative.  I feel for parents having to monitor all the school work from home.  I’ve always wanted those outside of education to have the opportunity, at least for a short time, to experience a fraction of what we face on a day to day basis as teachers.  Seems I’ve gotten what I’ve wished for.

I’ve got several books sitting new and unopened on my coffee table, just waiting to be read.  Now is my opportunity.  There’s this on-line class I’ve talked about taking for a year now.  I think I have time now. I’ve needed to clear out closets and cabinets for a while now and give things away but I’m always exhausted when I get home from work so I put it off until some other time when I’m not so tired.  Seems I’ve got some time now.

I get that this is going to prove a hardship for everyone.  Things are going to look different for a while.  I wonder if it’s not a time for creativity and innovation, a time to look at doing things in a better way.  Is this why this has happened in such a drastic way?  Do we need to make changes we weren’t willing to make and now we’re being forced to do it?

Nature is our guide here.  When things aren’t working, nature adapts.  Despite the fact that most humans believe themselves to be greater than the rest of nature, we’re just a part of the ecosystem. Eventually the mighty shall fall, especially when they get so busy that they forget they’re a part of this wonderful planet.  Is this all just a logical progression of what happens when humans get too big for their britches?  We’re being required to get back to the very basics of survival, staying sheltered, warm and fed.

The by-product of this seems to be that once the busy-ness stops, we become acutely aware of those who will suffer the most.  The homeless, the children  who live in poverty who depend on schools for a meal or a shower.  Businesses are sharing products to help out, and everyone is quick to give of their time to teach everything under the sun.  Best selling authors are giving their time to doodle with children online during their lunch time.  Professional dancers are giving lessons on line.  The Metropolitan Opera is streaming great operas on-line for anyone to watch.  Wifi is available for free for those who can’t afford that.  When we stop being so busy, we see others in need.  These people have always been there, we just didn’t see.  Maybe this is one of the reasons why.

For me, the most moving are the scenes of people leaning into music and the arts for support.  I watched through tears as I saw Italians singing with each other from their balconies as they live quarantined in their homes. On the CBS Evening News tonight, the story followed artists who were sharing their music during this stressful time. “We can’t lose sight of the importance of kindness, empathy and staying emotionally connected”. Stopping the busy-ness allows us to stop and see, hear and experience the beauty all around us from nature and from each other.

I want to imagine that God or whatever higher power you may believe in, has allowed some of this to slow us down, to help us reconnect with each other and what is good in the world. Maybe He’s been trying to get our attention for some time and, like a good parent, finally had to try something drastic to get His point across.  I don’t know.  It’s not very scientific.  But it makes me wonder if this might be the answer why.

 

They say opposites attract and that’s definitely the case with my husband and me, especially in terms of our dispositions.  He is an extrovert and I am very much the introvert.  We have a lot in common in terms of what we do for a living, our political leanings and other things, but we are very different when it comes to where we are the most comfortable and what replenishes us.

Introverts need to be by themselves to replenish and extroverts need to be with others.  As we find ourselves in a situation where we MUST quarantine ourselves and exercise social distancing, as an introvert I am thrilled.  This is my environment.  My poor husband, on the other hand is quickly going stir crazy.  He finds himself missing his usual activity level, missing his sports, missing being with students, colleagues and friends.  I can see where if this goes on long enough, he will lose it and I will be going strong.

Most people look at introverts as shy and unassuming, afraid to speak up, lacking leadership.  But the truth is that introverts have a quiet strength.  We’re readers and thinkers.  In our quietness we’re observant, watching body language and weighing what we see and hear.  We’re careful and slow to action, not because because we’re afraid but because we want all the info before we make an important decision.  And then we retreat to quiet spaces to refuel before we begin again.  This is what we need in this time of the unknown and the stress that accompanies it.

Quiet introverts struggle to be heard while extroverted talking heads,  pushing  their theories and plans, sometimes without completely thinking them through , make themselves heard.  As an introvert, that’s one of the most frustrating things – after lengthy study and thought, I have things to say, but I struggle to fight through the extroverts around me.  During uncertain troubled times like we find ourselves in, the extroverts are quick to jump in and share their thoughts and opinions, sometimes speaking too much.  It’s a part of who they are, but what I’m thinking is that it’s time for the introverts to make themselves heard.  It’s not what we’re most comfortable doing, but now is a time for quiet, thoughtful, informed leadership and it’s time for introverts to arise and be a part of the solution.

Now, I’m not saying the extroverts are bad or that they don’t think.  I love my extrovert family and friends,  but it takes those opposites of introverts and extraverts to work together, to listen to each other, to balance each other with their strengths.  Extroverts are going to need our help with this new change in lifestyle and we will need their help to speak up when necessary.  So introverts arise!  You are needed and you are important.

 

 

I’m a Libra.  For those of you not into astrology, it’s that sign with the scales and for me it tends to ring pretty true.  Not that I take this astrology thing seriously, but it’s fun to look at.  Anyway, I always try to look at all sides of a situation and make decisions based on that information.  For the last week or so, I have watched multiple news outlets, read stories on line, talked to friends, and listened to various “health officials” at the local, state and federal levels.  I want to be informed.  I want to balance all the info and make the right decisions.  Partly because I want to do the right thing and partly because frankly, I hate being wrong or making mistakes.

As I have said before, I tend to have friends on both sides of the aisle, friends who are passionate and those who are stoic, those who panic and those who laugh in the face of possible danger.  Variety is the spice of life after all. I don’t make friends just willy-nilly – they are friends because I trust their hearts and their intellect.  And yet, at times like these – (have there ever been times like these?) – they can be polar opposites.  Who do I believe?

I have friends who are saying we’re completely blowing this out of proportion and that our leadership is leading us to panic.  I have other friends who have prepared like it’s we’re going to be in isolation for months and are very fearful.  Even within my own little nuclear family, the reactions run the gamut.  I tend to think better safe than sorry but then the tiny bit of panic hits and I’m thinking, do I need to take out some cash?  Do I need to buy more food to store? (and where would it go?)  Just like the scales, I switch back and forth from feeling silly for overreacting to feeling completely unprepared and wondering about what-ifs.  Where is the balance?

Well, I’m not known for balance, but I’m really feeling the need right now.  My friends in faith remind me that I don’t need to be anxious and that no matter what, God is in control.  Silly that I need to be reminded, but as humans, we tend to try to figure everything out or do everything ourselves and THEN go to God when we can’t make things work.  That’s not to say that we shouldn’t do anything, but we should do what we can, help others when we can and depend on God.

There are still many areas of uncertainty in the upcoming days and as a friend says, we will need to remain patient and flexible.  The thought of teaching remotely using technology quite frankly stresses me to the point that I’m living on more Pepsid than usual.  Thank goodness there hasn’t been a run on it like there has been on toilet paper!  There have been a lot of learning curves lately and this situation has just added to the stress.  Patience and flexibility, right?

So, who do we believe?  WHAT do we believe?  Perhaps we really just do what we can do for ourselves and others, being especially aware of people who need our help at this time.  Not giving in to panic will help us not be so selfish when getting things we need so that we’re not hoarding at others’ expense. Regardless of what is actually happening or may be happening, people are going to be struggling in every area of our community.  Supporting the most vulnerable in our communities like local businesses is so important.  Buy gift cards to use later at those places you usually frequent.  Tip a little higher when you do go out.  Donate to the local food bank.  If everyone does a little it will help a lot.

So, who do I believe?  In the end I have to believe my gut and lean on my faith.  I’ll continue to take in all the info but in the end, nobody else can do my believing for me.  I have to make my own decisions for the good of my family and my community.  Who and what do you believe?

 

 

24 hours can make quite a difference.  Yesterday I was thinking it would probably take a while for us to feel any real impact if we felt any at all.  Today things felt different.  I hit the grocery store twice today, once for us to pick up staples, once to go out with my son to get what he needed.  Another son checked in to see if we had stocked up.  The lines to check out took us longer to get through than the shopping itself.  Shelves were bare and grocery carts were full.  Everyone was very calm but the situation itself was crazy.

The university decided to close beginning tomorrow and students and faculty are scrambling, trying to figure out what next steps are.  The school district asked for local businesses to provide bags for students to take their chrome books home.  We’re supposed to hear something tomorrow.  My supervisor has been working on remote learning for music students.

All sports have stopped and both pro and college basketball is over for the season.  No tournament, no 2020 Champion.  Those who can’t accept this are wondering if we can reschedule for later in the year.  I have one word for them:  LOGISTICS. Sports commentators spent the day talking about what might have been.  My sports loving husband is going through a little bit of a funk like I’m sure a lot of people are.  After all, the tournament is a national social phenomenon, something we all watch and talk about together.  What are we going to do now?

The NY Metropolitan Opera closed which means my students won’t be watching The Flying Dutchman streamed Live from the Met.  We had studied it for weeks.  Broadway has closed down.  Performances, conferences, concerts, workshops have all been cancelled.  My meeting next week in D.C. has become a virtual meeting.  I’ll see if I can’t get a voucher for the tickets to use this summer.  That’s if we’ve gotten back to normal.

There’s this idea that we can all isolate and work remotely using our devices.  All at once.  I don’t know about you, but it’s a good day at school if the server works without knocking you off, freezing or spinning the beachball of death.  Can you imagine everyone on their devices all day?  It won’t happen.  I’m thinking paper and pencil.  They never break down.  They don’t get lost in some cloud.  This is where old people will become hip again because we actually know how to use these resources.  I’m personally looking forward to our resurgence.

There are a lot of naysayers, convinced that things aren’t as bad as people are making them out to be, that we’re overreacting.  After all, can we really trust the media?  Isn’t it all “fake news”?  I hear some people saying things like “ONLY (number) people have died or only older people have died.  How many people have to die before it’s enough to shut things down?  It’s going to be very hard, and at the very least, a great inconvenience, but as a nation we’ve survived much harder.  We can do this, as long as we work together and not against each other.

Today was weird.  I didn’t even begin anything I wanted to do because there were other things that kept popping up, all related in some way to this virus and how it is affecting everything it touches.  I’m sure tomorrow will bring more surprises.  I keep wondering what we’re supposed to be learning here.  Events like this don’t just happen – at least I don’t believe they do.  Are we willing to learn from this or will we just be anxious and complain about first world problems?  How are we going to handle it if there are more empty shelves tomorrow?

 

Costco was no busier than usual, people stopping in after work, families with kids – pretty typical for a weekday.  But just beneath the calm exteriors, there was some uncertainty.  I heard a gentleman talking on the phone about how everyone seemed pretty calm right now and at the same time a stock person was talking to a customer about how they would be out of toilet paper until Saturday morning.  It’s Wednesday.  Not sure why everyone is making a run on toilet paper (no pun intended), but it’s a serious shortage.  It’s part of what is making things weird right now.

I’ve been watching the news for a while, people wearing masks, vacationers leaving their cruise ships and going straight to quarantine sites, Italy being on a complete lock down.  It seems so far away and very surreal and in typical mid-western fashion, people here remain pragmatic and maybe slightly stoic.  We’ll deal with whatever we need to deal with whenever we need to deal with it.

It occurred to me that I needed to write about this, talking about the progression of this phenomenon in my community, from my perspective, an event I certainly don’t remember in my lifetime.  Will scientific progress make a difference or will it be like pandemics of the past and affect everyone in some way?  Again, it’s surreal enough that it’s hard to take in.  Will people take precautions seriously?  I have to admit that my outlook is that if we follow directions, work to keep things sanitized and keep washing our hands we’ll be ok.  It’s hard to imagine otherwise.

I tend to think of strange things at times like this, like social impact.  If everyone has to self-quarantine or isolate, what will happen?  Will families get closer or will they isolate further within their isolation?  Will they be glued to media and worse yet, social media?   Will they keep their dark sense of humor about this event?  I have to admit I’ve chuckled over some silly memes and posts from friends.  Humans are funny that way.  We try to make light of a serious situation to lower the stress a bit.  But as more and more people are affected, will that change?

It became a little more real today as my supervisor called me this morning to talk about how we could continue to teach our kids remotely if school were called off.  This is new for everyone and everyone is scrambling.  How will this affect the travel industry, the service industry, education, the health industry?  There’s an assumption, that everyone has access to the internet and devices.  This is not true.  Some school students at every level will be left out if we only focus on technology as the answer or means to continue education.  Are we going to work together or against each other as we figure out how to  deal with this new normal for an undetermined amount of time? Maybe this is happening because we need something to bring us all together again.  Why is it that it takes a tragic event or crisis to figure out what’s really important in life and bring us all together?  Is this one of those times?  Do we have any real leadership that will help us get through this, not only logistically but inspirationally?  Will they be empathetic or distant?  Can we all finally let go of partisan thinking and begin thinking of us as the UNITED States and take time to care about everyone, not just a person who agrees with us?

Right now my family and friends are fine.  It hasn’t touched me personally.  I’m hoping that it doesn’t and praying for those that it does.  My plan is to chronicle this event as it unfolds in my little world, and perhaps others from across the country will do the same.  It’s important to document the good, the bad and the ugly as we experience this historical event.  In the meantime, stay healthy my friends.

As I looked up into my rearview mirror, I saw the large dump truck behind me getting closer and closer.  We had stopped at a red light and I just happened to stop right before the right turn lane began.  The truck behind me wanted to turn right and was pushing me to go forward, even to the point of running up on the curb to go around me.  I could have moved forward a little bit but the teacher in me saw this as a learning experience for the truck driver.  Patience is a virtue and just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Not to focus on bad drivers this morning, but there were so many examples.  Like, just because you know your brakes work doesn’t mean you should go as fast as you can and slam on your brakes just in time before you hit someone.  Hint:  if the back of your car goes up when you brake, chances are you were going too fast and waited too long to brake! Just because you can….

These are just a couple of silly examples of how I believe our culture thinks lately.  The Declaration of Independence talks about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.   The first amendment of the constitution guarantees freedoms of religion, expression, assembly and the right to petition by prohibiting the government from restrictions or dictating.  Neither document says “just because you can, you should”.  What is implied in these documents is that along with freedom comes great responsibility.  Just because you can doesn’t mean nobody else matters or that their freedoms are less than yours.

This pursuit of happiness has taken an interesting turn lately.  It seems that we’re trying to shelter ourselves and our children from ever feeling anything less than happy.  By raising our kids to never have to deal with anything negative is a dangerous thing.  Bad things are going to happen in life, sometimes small disappointing things and sometimes devastating things.  And while children should be sheltered, depending on their age, from things the are too “adult” for them to handle, sheltering them completely is not healthy and it makes them believe that life should always feel good.  Kids are “devastated” or “crushed” when they don’t get the grade or the win or the trophy or the result they think will make them happy – although I’m not sure if it’s the kid or the parent in some instances who feels this.  In so many of these instances a “helicopter” or “lawnmower” parent might hover over their child or bulldoze their way ahead of their child to make sure they are never hurt or disappointed and instead they end up  confronting others they believe brought these feelings on.  Perhaps it’s a teacher or a coach who then becomes a target for bringing on these negative feelings.  So instead of teaching kids how to cope, they are taught to make excuses or find scapegoats.

Just because you can leads some to live in denial. I had a very young student yell at me the other day in class because I moved him to a place in my room where he might be more successful.  He didn’t understand why he couldn’t behave in whatever way he wanted.  As he yelled “nobody can tell anybody no if they don’t want to be told no” or something like that (he was young), his angry response told me that his experience with someone telling him he couldn’t do what he wanted was pretty limited.  In this case, his wants, as immature as they were, were interfering with learning for the rest of the class. Our current problem seems to be that we also have adults who think and sometimes behave the same way.

So what is the solution?  I watched a video by Simon Sinek where he discusses young adults who struggle in the workplace because we haven’t taught them that life will be hard and how to cope with it as children.  What happens is that those in authority expect an employee who reacts to problems like they do and instead they get young people who don’t know how to react if something hasn’t been laid out neatly in front of them.  They still want to do what feels good and have trouble when someone gets in the way of those feelings. Whose responsibility is it then to train young people to cope with uncertainty and change and, at this age, can they?  Who explains to what is essentially now two generations of people who have grown up thinking I should be able to do what I want, no matter what.

I go back to cars.  Fairly recently, a motorcyclist was killed in an accident in our community.  The driver who turned in front of the cyclist may have been under the influence.  It may have been this person’s choice to get behind the wheel of a car under the influence just because he could.  But they weren’t the only one at fault.  The young person on the motorcycle was going between 80-100 mph on a road marked 45 mph.  This person was driving this speed just because they could, but they obviously shouldn’t.  While not every decision to do what you feel like despite its affect on others may not be deadly like this accident, anytime we do anything just because we can, without thought for others, affects someone in a negative way. Whether its something as tragic as a person pulling in front of a motorcycle or something as seemingly benign as not eating right or exercising, your choices affect someone, even if its just yourself.  I know, because my favorite saying as I eat something I shouldn’t is “just because I can”. But  just because you can doesn’t mean you should.