“…a combination of several of the best things in the world; yucky slime, bubble popping and the hunt for secret gross collectable Snotz characters.”  I know, it definitely sounds like something everybody wants, right?  Well it is if you’re a 5th grade boy apparently.  When we were told that our grandson wanted these, his grandpa balked at the idea.  I reminded him that we are grandparents now and our job is to make wishes come true.  We bought the Pops Snotz.  The look on the grandson’s face when he opened the present today make it totally worthwhile.

We celebrated our family Christmas today, actually finding a day where we could all get together.  So after stuffing our faces with a ton of great food after munching on snacks and veggies beforehand, we all found our spots in my son and daughter in law’s living room and began the ritual.  Like my husband’s family has done for as long as I can remember, the youngest members passed out all of the gifts and then we opened gifts going from youngest to oldest.

While Pops Snotz were something new, Pokeman cards never seem to go away.  My kids wanted them and now my grandkids want them and apparently we did well because Payton was excited about his new cards. After years of playing Santa (or Mrs. Santa), there are always the toys that are essential to have.  I remember going EVERYWHERE to find Woody after the first Toy Story movie and we finally found it.  Star Wars toys, the latest and greatest video systems and games, and bikes for all the boys were all just a few of the things we snuck into the house.  It was usually necessary to stay up until the wee hours putting things together and wrapping them to put under the tree, just so the boys could rip everything open the next morning.

Today there were books for everyone, everything from philosophy to home repair, and scented candles for all of the women.  We like scented candles.  Laser X 2 player times two were a hit as both the kids and their parents received them as gifts.  Gift cards for food, home, and clothing with one for shoes for one of the grandsons.  He likes to buy shoes.  Much laughter all around made for a great day.  While it was fun when the kids were little, it’s certainly different with grown children, especially when they provide you will things like bottles of wine.  Life is good.

The afternoon ended with a promise for several of us to meet tomorrow to go to a movie and then home for a nap on the couch.  As I said yesterday, sleep is good.  it will take a few days to get caught up.  As I took pics and observed my family today, I found myself grateful for so much.  I’m grateful that my kids have grown up to be good people.  While they are so different from each other, they love and respect each other. They all made such an effort to find things that were personal and would make each other happy.  I’m grateful to watch my grandkids, especially Payton who celebrated his first Christmas as an official member of the Bush family.  He mentioned that today before we opened gifts, letting us know that today had meaning for him.  I was grateful that my boys have inherited their father’s quick, warped sense of humor as we all laughed together.  It was as close to a picture perfect day as anyone could wish for, complete with Christmas music playing in the background, cups of spiced cider and a plateful of snot (slime) on the coffee table.  It doesn’t get any better than that.

Sleep.  Sleep is a wonderful thing.  Not that I don’t sleep during the semester, but it’s that exhausted sleep where you’re out until you wake up without an alarm.  I ended my day yesterday with an all school sing.  Oh sure it SOUNDS like fun if you get to sit and watch it happen, but the truth is it’s a ton of work.  Several weeks worth of work.  Not going into any more details here, but my music teacher colleagues understand that making something look easy is exhausting.  After that and our winter concert at the beginning of the week, sleep was the priority last night.

I’m not sure teachers outside of music understand this.  Their expectation seems to be that once a performance or sing-a-long is finished I should just kick back into teaching mode.  The truth is, chances are I’ve just finished having a 30 minute or so adrenaline rush that was preceded by several hours of anxiety of making sure everything is as it should be to make the kids successful, anxiety made more intense when I’m squeezed for time in terms of set up.  Am I the only one that feels that way?  It’s an incredible stressor for me and when it’s all over, I usually hit a wall, tinged with some frustration that I can’t get some help for a few minutes with a class I would normally have.  But I get it – after all, it’s only elementary kids.

I’m very fortunate that there are custodians at my schools who are super heroes, men and women who help tear down and set up, who listen to what I need and work hard to make it happen.  This doesn’t mean that I’m not also schlepping chairs, table, pianos, sound equipment, and moveable walls.  At my age, I feel it for a few days afterwards but I want to make sure things are where I want them and I want to be a team player with my other music colleagues, not the “girly girl”.  That’s the way colleagues should work together.  Not always sure my regular ed colleagues understand this, especially when they expect me to still take their kids while I do this.  Again, thank goodness for a wonderful student teacher who was able to take those kids for me.  I’m not always that lucky.

Yes, I chose this way of life.  That adrenaline rush I talked about can be the world’s greatest high.  There’s nothing like making some great music with my kids, but it’s also a hell of a lot of work.  I don’t have grad assistants or groupies.  For a sing-a-long I rehearse 500 5-11 year olds for several weeks to sing 30 minutes worth of music, some with movement, so that I can stand in front of them and hope they behave well enough to get through it all and be seen on Facebook Live by all of their parents and grandparents. No pressure there. What if classroom teachers had to do the same thing on social media where parents and grandparents were able to see children performing math and reading in their classroom in real time?  Nightmare, right?  It surely can be.

So here I am, one day into break, having had the opportunity to sleep, shop, wrap presents and clean the apartment.  A full day but not a stressful day.  It will take a couple of days to shake off yesterday, typical when I’m not really happy with my work.  It was like that for the program on Monday too.  Not happy because I could have been better and if I had been better my kids would have been better.  My wonderful husband tells me that it feels that way because I care too much.  It’s the epitome of a music educator, always striving for the very best you can be and therefore modeling for your students to be the best they can be.

Fifteen more days of break to go.  Fifteen days to recuperate and be ready to hop back into the craziness that is teaching music.  Fifteen days to get my head back together to begin a new semester, new music and improving on what I did this past semester.  That’s the redemption of teaching – there’s always a new day to make things better.  But in the meantime, the feet are up, the throw is across my lap and it’s past my bedtime.  Day 1 of break is in the books.

Another 5 days before Christmas Break.  Yes, I said Christmas instead of winter because I celebrate Christmas, but I have to say winter at school.  Anyway, I anticipate the week to be insane for a multitude of reasons.  First I have a concert tomorrow.  And a rehearsal.  And a dress rehearsal.  Like the kids aren’t excited enough, we’ll completely disrupt their day and make them more crazy – I mean – excited.  My wonderful accompanist told me they sing like angels – and then laughed about them losing it between songs.  I’m glad he thought it was funny.

Tuesday is a PLC Day, or, for those of you not in the education biz, a professional learning day.  Classes will be abbreviated in order for students to leave early and let teachers get together to talk about them.  I mean, about their learning.  We’ll be meeting somewhere where we can get a latte and hot chocolate this month instead of at someone’s school.  Tis the season after all.  Of course the change in the schedule will just make them more craz… I mean, excited.

Wednesday will be the only regular schedule for the week.  The team will get together for lunch in order to decompress – I mean have a little social time, for 30 minutes.  Minus time to run to the restroom or get ready for our next class.  So, a good solid 20-25 minutes of laughter guaranteed while we throw down lunch we won’t actually taste.  Thursday will have a little change at the end of the day, second graders checking out some holiday research by the 5th graders.  Our job will be to supervise the lofty interactions between 7 and 11 year olds.  Could be interesting.

Friday of course will be insane, so my philosophy will be, as the little sign on my file cabinet says, “Relax and Accept the Crazy”.  Kids will be bringing in gifts, too much candy and goodies to count, homemade ornaments and gift cards.  While other teachers will be surviving doing holiday art projects and reading holiday stories while wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, I will be preparing for an all-school sing.  All school meaning 500 kids gathered on the floor of the multi-purpose room, singing holiday songs for the last 30 minutes of the day.  Sure, everyone else gets a break but I’m still pulling performance duty.  Glad I’m good for something at school!  After that, when everyone else is saying goodbye, I’ll be shutting stuff down and cleaning up my room after I do duty.  Then I may just sit a minute because, well, keeping 500 kids under control singing for 30 minutes is hard work.

5 days until break.  A break that we’ve earned.  If parents think their child is difficult during this time of year, multiply that by 24 and have them work on things that don’t necessarily include a screen with things they want to look at.  Because despite the changes in schedules, concerts and sing-a-longs, all of which are good things (especially the music which they don’t get enough of) teachers are still teaching, attempting to keep the status quo, helping students to continue learning.  Even when it’s hard.  A concept they’ll be reinforcing with students who, like their teachers, would rather be doing holiday things.  5 days until break.  Not that I’m counting.

 

 

 

 

Have you ever really listened to lyrics to Christmas songs?  I’m not talking about carols, I’m talking about those commercial Christmas songs, some of which have become classics, describing the euphoric feelings we’re supposed to be experiencing during the holiday season, from the simple to the sublime.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. How happy I would be if I could only whistle!

Let it snow, the fire is so delightful, I brought some corn for popping, the lights are turned way down low

Dreaming of a white Christmas, treetops glisten, children listen to sleigh bells in the snow, with every Christmas card I write.

Walking in a winter wonderland.  A beautiful sight.  In the meadow we can build a snowman. Later on we’ll conspire, as we dream by the fire.

There’ll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and caroling out in the snow.

Let your heart be light, from now on our troubles will be out of sight, from now on our troubles will be miles away.

The lyrics go on and on.  From these descriptions you would think people would have permanent smiles pasted on their faces, feet barely touching the ground as they float on a cloud this holiday season.  Perhaps these lyrics describe how we WISH the season would be and not how it is.  I mean, when was the last time you walked with your family outside on a snowy evening, made snowmen together, sat around a cozy fireplace, gathered with friends just to be together to sing and roast marshmallows?

Instead what I see is stress.  Stress written on so many faces, young and old, anger and impatience, tears and frustration.  In trying to create the perfect Christmas, we’ve forgotten what Christmas is really all about.  We’re trying to make time to perfectly decorate our homes, buy the perfect gifts, host the best parties and still keep up with our jobs, our kids’ school and sports schedules and that endless music program schedule for your kids, your grandkids and perhaps, if you’re like me and my colleagues, for all of your school kids.  And seriously, when was the last time you “wrote” a Christmas card?

Everyone is dropping like flies with all kinds of stomach bugs and flu, teachers are hanging on by a thread with students losing their minds from lack of sleep, testing (I’m not kidding) AND a full moon.  It’s a real thing, you know.  “We can do this” is the mantra passed from teacher to teacher in the hallways, with a tenuous smile and a heavy sigh.  We don’t allow time to enjoy the season with our students, there are too many assessments to give before break and we must stay on schedule!

Reality and unrealistic expectations are clashing big time and we’re still trying to make it work.  I have news.  It’s not working – for anyone.  How hard would it be for us to just stop.  Just. Stop.  You know, quit and just breathe.  It CAN be done, we just choose not to.  I saw a meme today that said “What you allow is what will continue”.  THIS is truth.  If we want to live out something closer to the lyrics of these songs with our family and friends, we need to stop.  Will the world end if we do?  Probably not.  so what are we afraid of?

From now on will our troubles really be out of sight?  Well, maybe not totally out of sight, but I’m thinking that stopping to smell the roses – or build that snowman, just for FUN might just be the answer.  What would it take to make this a stress free time of year for you, your family and for my fellow teachers out there, your students?

Sitting in the back of my dad’s Vega with my little brother, we sang these infamous words, “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg…”  and laughed uproariously.  Surely nothing was as funny as our new words to Jingle Bells.  Well imagine my surprise (or not) as 50 years later, my kids in class are still singing “batmobile just lost a wheel and Joker got away – hey!”.

What is it about Jingle Bells?  While giving a couple of my boys “the eye” for not singing the right words, I looked at my Kinders with their little wrist jingle bells, shaking them for all they’re worth, singing at the top of their lungs with the biggest grins on their faces.  It’s pure joy, and incredibly noisy but I never get tired of it.  I don’t get tired of hearing the excited intake of breath when I pull down the box of red, blue, green and yellow wrist bells and that excitement is only matched by the actual handing out of the bells for them to attach with the velcro.

While they struggle with the words to the verses, the minute they get to the chorus, there’s no stopping them and their little bottoms have difficulty staying on their dots.  They have no idea what a one horse open sleigh is or what bells on bob tails ring, but by golly they’re going to sing about them.  All of the excitement of the holiday season is expressed through this one simple little song.

Originally written to be sung at Thanksgiving, it’s not for sure whether it was written in  Massachusetts or Georgia.  However, Medford Massachusetts claims to be the birthplace because sleigh races were popular in the area.  A little over 100 years later, how would author James Pierpont have known that his song would be the first one sung in space when astronauts Schirra and Stafford sang the song on Gemini 6, accompanying themselves with harmonica and – you guessed it – hand held jingle bells.  All of this happening just before my brother and I sat in the back of that Vega singing the same song.

So who am I to fight it?  For whatever reason, everyone loves Jingle Bells, whether you sing the original words or the infamous smelly batman lyrics.  May you find yourselves laughing all the way with your jingle bells this holiday season.

 

As I was looking for a coaster to add to our updated office for my diet cokes, one in particular caught my eye. “Suck It Up Buttercup!” The exclamation is surrounded by pretty flowers and butterflies, but the fact is that this is a hard lesson to learn.  And in our current culture, one that some educators are not encouraged to teach and that some parents are afraid to teach.

Before someone starts to lecture me about the dangers of sucking up our emotions and trauma, you need to know that I understand this from a personal perspective and yes, it can be unhealthy.  However, there’s a danger to leaning into the negative emotions and trauma too much as it can completely debilitate a person.  Once you have been labeled depressed or anxious, it’s easy to allow those to turn into excuses for not working through it.  There is a fine line here, it depends on the person and it’s hard, but it can be done.

Some may think this is a generational thing.  After all, the so-called “Greatest Generation” were the kings and queens of sucking it up.  They suffered through The Great Depression and World Wars and yet they raised families, held down jobs, and contributed to society. Not easy, maybe not what we would consider to be healthy today, but necessary to continue functioning in the best way they knew how.  I am a child of that generation and I can remember my dad answering my concerns about how I was feeling or some kind of bump or bruise with a “that’s a sure sign of death” and send me on my way.  I learned to evaluate how I really was and whether I could handle things myself or not and the answer was that I could usually handle it.  I continued that with my boys, asking them if there was any blood or guts, to which they would answer “no” and go on their way.  Not completely heartless, if they needed my help I gave it and if they didn’t I sent them inside to wash it off, put on a bandaid and get back outside.  They survived.

It was an expectation that we would gain responsibility as we got older.  We were taught to clean, do laundry, mow the yard, rake the leaves.  I could clean the entire house by the time I was eight and I mean clean.  My mother was not so impressed because at that age, she was expected to cook lunch for groups of migrant workers of which her mother was one.  My boys learned to cook, clean, do yard work and do laundry themselves. Everything is relative.  All taught self-reliance for the time period and situation we found ourselves in.  This has translated well to my marriage, my work life and my volunteer passions, not always easy, but pushing me to work hard, do my best and suck it up when needed.

Life can be tough, even when it’s good.  There’s marriage, child rearing, re-locating, illness and death.  There’s choosing to be single, supporting yourself, taking care of all the details by yourself.  These are examples of sucking it up.  If I had run away or quit  every time I felt like it, I would never have survived.  But I was taught to make it work and I did my best to do that.  It is a choice I make on a daily basis.  It’s what some young people might refer to as “adulting” today, but it’s just maturity as far as I’m concerned.

What worries me is that today, I am discouraged, HEAVILY discouraged from saying this to my students.  My students who begin whining when they have to stand for longer than 10 minutes to sing on the risers.  My students who complain about their back or legs hurting when they have to sit on the floor.  My students who whine about it being too hot or too cold or too windy or too whatever outside.  The students who whine about how unfair everything is and resort to physicality when things don’t go their way. The students who choose what they want to work on and what they don’t want to work on because it’s “boring” or “stupid”.  The students who don’t understand that learning to follow directions or how to speak respectfully to others or how to be kind are life skills and will help get them through life. Telling a child to “suck it up” is deemed insensitive and will hurt their self esteem.  Let’s see what happens in the real work when they begin their first job and their employer asks them to do something “boring”.  Sucking it up until they can work their way up or change jobs for get more education is essential.  Sucking it up means you have the patience and skills to make it work until things can be improved.

Again, I understand that if someone is in an abusive situation, sucking it up is NOT the right thing to do, but chances are, much of what we’re complaining about is not really that big a deal and maybe we all just need to suck it up, buttercup.

 

It was the shoes.  All of those white marching band shoes, 510 of them, tapping the beat on the black wood floor.  510 feet representing  255 people, all working together for a common goal.  I stared at the shoes thinking about how these 255 humans, all individually responsible for doing their job well, all worked together to create beautiful harmony.  255 completely different human beings coming from different backgrounds, cultures, and even something as simple as representing 70 different majors, coming together to do something that was not about them individually, but something that was about the whole.  And then I thought about Congress. Imagine what they could learn from the Cornhusker Marching Band.

It’s an odd premise, I agree, and just goes to show you where my brain can go sometimes, but this college marching band, among others, is the living example of how large groups of people can not only work together, but thrive, all for the betterment of not only themselves but others.  Let’s think about this.  Just like there is change of personnel  in Congress, there is yearly change in the band.  Each year begins anew with some veterans and some newbies, some having been voted out for not doing their job as well and new members working hard to be a part of something special, all having to get to know each other and how they can work together.

Although dressed alike, these individuals are not robots by any means.  Their personalities come through in the instruments they play, even within the same section.  I was struck by how different people were within the percussion battery, the snares all military and serious, the tenors nonchalantly doing their jobs, the bass drums getting down on that steady beat and the cymbals showing off in their best extroverted style.  And yet again, much like a great marriage, they played the different parts together as one.  How can you not love that?

They come from different places, not only within the state but from around the country, having learned different styles, having different strengths, playing different instruments.    It would be easy I’m sure for those differences to tear the group apart, but what comes into play is great leadership with great vision.  A bit of the traditional mixed with innovation, thoughtfully brainstormed in a proactive way, not waiting to see who might be a part of the community but anticipating who will be a part of the community.  It’s setting up expectations for behavior, for work ethic, for obligations, not in an abstract way, but in a very concrete way, stated clearly and carried out by the leaders who model that behavior and those expectations.  These things are necessary in order for a large group of different people to function effectively.

This group realizes that while what they do is fun, it is work and it has purpose – and the purpose is not all about them.  Oh sure, they get some residual recognition and perks, but the focus is on who they serve, and in this band’s case it’s the football team.  For better or worse, this group of people works tirelessly for hours, days and months to perfect their craft and skills to make others feel supported and look good.  They do what they do to build up others, not tear them or each other down.  When someone fumbles, they get right back up, encouraged by others who at some time have also fumbled. Because in working hard together on a common goal, relationships are built – life-long relationships.  Relationships that mean kindness and decorum because these people they work with MATTER.  It’s difficult to call someone names or accuse someone of something heinous if you KNOW them as a person first and a member of the group second.

This kind of drive and work ethic, being personally responsible for what you’re expected to do, and living all the highs and lows together builds a camaraderie that can’ be beat.  It allows groups to play in beautiful harmony, harmony being defined here as many voices coming together.  They’re not all playing the same note or the same rhythms at the same time, but there is a weaving of the two within the group at just the right time that makes a beautiful sound, creating a singular piece of music.  All of these layers working together, watching that solid leadership, never losing focus, always listening and learning.

When you have a group that is this focused, there can be a variety of genres performed together.  From rock to jazz, from patriotic marches to classical masterpieces, a group that works together with great leadership can switch effortlessly from one task to another, following an organized timeline because they have a job to do.  It’s called teamwork and that’s what our Congress has forgotten how to do.  My simple question is, if this kind of collaboration, cooperation, striving for excellence and service to others can be done by college students, what is wrong with the so-called adults we have in office?  Perhaps it’s time for former band members to begin running for office because they know the kind of work it’s going to take to be successful.

As the music moved me into multiple emotions,  I watched others smile, cheer and clap with the music, and I wondered if this group of young people really understood their power in the world, the power to affect the lives and emotions of others through something bigger than they are as individuals?  Perhaps Congress should be put through the same paces as the Cornhusker Marching Band to readjust their priorities and learn to do the same for the people they represent.

 

Just do the right thing.  It sounds so simple, something anyone and everyone wants to do, right?  However, it depends on your ideas, your philosophy, and/or your beliefs  in what is right and what is wrong which may completely differ from what I believe is right or wrong.  It depends on your upbringing, your culture, what you read and hear in the news.  It’s the type of research you read and support, whether it makes sense or not.  Even common sense is up for grabs. And somewhere in the middle of you and I, and our personal philosophies, children are being hurt.

Where do I even start?  We’re hurting kids in every way possible.  When I say we, I’m talking about adults in general and I’m including myself in this group.  It occurred to me that we’re doing this by working backwards down the Maslow pyramid.  For those not familiar with Abraham Maslow, check out this American psychologist and his hierarchy of needs, a literal step by step process as to how people reach their full potential.  Where we should be beginning at the bottom with physiological needs, many adults, in the quest for kids to achieve more, seem to begin at the top of the pyramid.  We’re seeking fulfillment for our kids before we’re taking care of their basic needs.  We fail to recognize that despite advances in technology and the availability of so many material things and multiple opportunities, kids still develop in the same way kids have always developed.  And that means beginning at the bottom of the pyramid.

In a very simple example, a group of teachers was trying to figure out why their students were struggling at certain times of the day in a way that was negatively affecting their behavior and engagement.  Beginning at the bottom of the pyramid, a simple answer might be the need for a snack or perhaps some fresh air playing outside.  And yet, these teachers, who I have no doubt care deeply for their students, opted for something way up towards the top of the pyramid and opted to offer more opportunities to respond in the classroom.  The problem is, it’s difficult to respond to questions if their tummy is rumbling or if they’re wishing they were outside playing.

So let’s say we’re taking care of all of their basic physiological needs.  This would assume that students in Title 1 schools have all of the food, water, sleep and warmth they need.  Right. Then we move to safety.  Can we talk?  And is anybody listening?  I would bet there’s not a kid in school today that really feels safe.  If we’re not talking bullying, we’re practicing a myriad of drills for fires, tornadoes, and shootings.  I was reading a post from a friend who teaches near a school where a young man brought a gun to his high school and when he wouldn’t put it down, was shot by a policeman.  Tell me these students feel safe.  It happens often enough that most don’t make the news anymore. And we expect them to feel belonging and a sense of connection?  Kids don’t know who to trust.  Teachers are too busy following all the latest trends in education or reading from scripts with no down time to build meaningful relationships with kids and who knows when one of your friends is going to bring a weapon to school.  But are we doing anything as adults FOR THE KIDS?  Or do we continue to just argue among ourselves, making everything an “us vs them” instead of doing the right thing for the kids, no matter what our political/religious or whatever affiliation is?

Going backwards down that pyramid, we start by wanting respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength and freedom for our kids, but we’ve not given them the tools or the experiences from the bottom of the pyramid for them to understand what these are.  What tends to happen is that these unprepared kids can become disrespectful, arrogant and entitled.  It’s an expectation of how they should be treated, not something they’ve earned with time and experience.  We end up with kids in higher education or their first job completely upended because this is not how the world works.  They’ve been fooled by their elementary and secondary education, by the adults in their lives, all with the best of intentions, into making them think that the world belongs to them, that rules will bend for them, and will excuse them for their lack of motivation, poor attitudes and work ethics.  They quit school and jobs because we’ve not moved them up the pyramid in a way that prepares them for the hardships that life will bring.  I see it day after day after day.  Is anybody listening?  Is anybody going to say anything?  Is anybody going to do something meaningful to fix this?

Perhaps it’s too late.  Or perhaps the answer is so easy that we’re looking right over it.  It would mean that adults in the lives of these children would actually take on the role of adults and allow children to be children and not little adults, taking care of their basic needs, making them safe by whatever means possible, building trusting relationships, and then providing opportunities for them to build a healthy self-esteem and a strong work ethic, helping them to recognize their strengths and how they can contribute to our society.  It’s time for adults to speak up loudly for children and do the right thing.

 

 

November was an odd month, full of highs and lows, times to teach and times to learn.  A month of retrospection, considering ones age, experience, friends, family and colleagues, looking at the past and anticipating the future.  A time to remind oneself to be mindful, to be present in the moment, not missing even the smallest detail because of events on the calendar.  A time to consider priorities and perhaps bravely step out into the wilderness.

November was a month to remind me to be grateful.  Grateful for family, bounty, opportunities, health.  Grateful to be old enough to perhaps have a bit of wisdom but not so old that I’m not still learning.  Grateful for friends who have become family in a place I never would have expected.

November marked the culmination of a season of loss for several friends, reminding me that as I get older, there will be more of this.  So many friends who have lost parents, spouses, children, lifelong friends, and pets.  So many people to place on a prayer list for comfort.  I don’t know how they bear the sadness.

November reminded me that to remain vulnerable means occasionally being disappointed when people don’t always have the best of intentions and that I stand the chance of being hurt or used.  I have to work hard not to become cynical about people in general, but it is a reminder to remain mindful and aware.  The world is not always as safe as I would naively want it to be.

November was a time to learn about myself, what I am capable of, and the steps I need to take to fulfill my goals.  Several of those steps were taken this month.  While God knows my future, He still expects me to do the work.  He’s not a genie in a bottle, after all.  I do the work and wait to see which doors and windows open and close, thanking Him for the guidance and lessons learned along the way.

November was a time of great overwhelm and great release.  I need to say “no” more to those things that really don’t matter in my life and yes to those things that bring me joy.  I need to stop being afraid of disappointing others with my decisions.  I need to feed myself so that I can feed others.  I don’t do nearly enough for others, partly because I’m selfish with the little time I have to myself.   I watch those who seem to have so little give so freely of what they have and their selflessness in the midst of personal trials both inspires me and makes me feel guilty.  I’ve seen so much of that this month.

December has arrived and the decorations are up, the light reminding me of the light of Jesus.  Will I be a part of the light or of the darkness?  Will December be the same as November or will I have learned from these experiences to head into the new year?   Maybe the question should be, will I do anything?  Will I take steps to become more mindful, even more grateful, more vulnerable, and there for friends in need?  Will I continue steps towards future goals, say no more often to those things that don’t bring me joy, give more to others?  It’s a long and lofty list and like everything I do, I tend to overload, but if November has taught me anything, it’s that it’s one day, one step at a time and that there will always be more lessons to learn.

 

It’s one of the questions I dislike the most – where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years.  At the beginning of my career, the answer seemed easy.  I had a plan to get my Master’s, at one point I was working on my administrative degree at Xavier, and I would be an elementary principal.  Then circumstances changed.  My answer shifted and now I would get my PhD and teach college.  Then things changed again.  I was asked to run for board president of an organization I strongly believe in. In order to do this the best I knew how, school went on the back burner.  Then another board and another election and plans changed again.  And all of a sudden I went from 30 to 60.

Where did the time go?  It’s not that I haven’t been busy, but that straight road to my goals has taken many turns and I’ve never actually arrived where I thought I would.  Is this a bad thing?  Does this mean I never really had goals to begin with?  Or did it mean I went with the flow, looking at opportunities and weighing their importance at the time they happened?  I have never stopped learning, I just learned different things than I expected.  And isn’t that the point of life?

Our culture expects us to do certain things at certain times.  We attend school for 12-13 years (depending on Kindergarten), get our degree in four years, wait a year and get married, wait a couple of years and have our first child and another couple of years to have our second.  Then we pursue an advanced degree and keep climbing up the ladder.  But these are just that – cultural expectations.  Somehow we have everyone convinced that the only way a person can be successful or productive is if we follow this roadmap.  And if that’s what someone wants to do, good for them, but does it define success?

This above formula leaves out some basic character traits.  Has the person learned to be kind and respectful?  Are they an asset or do they somehow contribute to society?  Are they more of a hands-on kind of person who can fix things?  Maybe they don’t wear a suit to work but they get their hands dirty helping people with things they need.  We tend to look down on these people as they don’t have the same credentials as the rest of us so-called academics, but where would be be without them?

Maybe the person is a thinker and creator.  Perhaps making a 6 figure salary is not important to them and money is just a means to buy things they need to survive.  They learn on their own but never earn the elusive piece of paper.  Are they less intelligent than those of us who pay the big bucks to work for the piece of paper?  Or do they choose to use their life in a different way?  Is it any less productive or is it just productive in a different way?

As an academic myself, I sometimes find myself thinking everyone should get a degree in something, when maybe an apprenticeship or training at a technical school would fit some people better.  We preach differentiation when we teach and yet we expect every child to have the same goals and be on the same timeline.  That’s just not how life works, especially if you’re following your passions and are open to opportunities.

If you look at the latest statistics, only 58.3% of those who enter college will finish within 6 years.  Here we are preparing every kid to do this and only a little over half will actually finish.  I’m sure their goal was to finish and follow the cultural formula.  Now what?  And do we as a culture look down on these people or do we embrace them for their differences and encourage their individual life adventure?  Are we focusing on their strengths or are we judging them because they don’t demonstrate the strengths we think they should have?

Sure, I finished my undergrad degree – on the ten year plan.  And sure, I have numerous credits from several institutions of higher learning, but I have never earned the elusive paper.  But oh how I’ve learned, in my own way, in my own time.  So, now I’m 60 and the question is again, where do I see myself?  Because of my years of taking advantage of opportunities, I feel prepared for several options, depending on how things fall together.  Does it seem a little flakey?  Perhaps.  Will it be an adventure?  You bet.  One thing is for sure, I’ll never see myself bored.