Gift cards are a wonderful thing and when a gift card comes from one of my favorite places, my initial reaction is one of delight.  Having someone who cares about me and knows me well enough to pick my favorite store is the best. And so I go with great excitement to my favorite store and this is where the anxiety begins.  Should I settle for buying something I need or get something less practical that I want?  Buy things on sale so I can get more items or splurge on the one expensive item?  It’s like I need to make the most of the experience because I don’t get it very often and I’m afraid of making the wrong choices.  Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard of?  Yes, I’m sure it is, but it’s a great analogy as to how I feel about writing my blog some days.

You see, I tend to be both a geek and slightly competitive.  I love keeping track of the numbers of views I get for my blogs and try to write things that bring in the higher numbers of readers.  Then I start trying to figure out trends in terms of what people are reading and what they aren’t.  After all, if I want to one day be a serious writer, I want my writing to mean something to my readers and, well, honestly, it might be nice to make a little money on the side.  And since I’ve decided to try to write every day, sometimes the well is a bit dry in terms of what I might consider good ideas and then the anxiety sets in.  What if people get tired of what I write about?  Should I write about something funny or something serious?  Do I direct my writing towards my audience or write about what I feel strongly about at the moment?  Everybody says you should write what you know, but what if nobody finds what I know interesting?  So many doubts.  So much anxiety.

It’s not like I’ve gotten negative responses on the blogs.  All of my friends reading these have been very kind and supportive.  So it’s really just me, I suppose.  But this is one of those nights when I’ve struggled with what to write.  There is just so much negativity going on in the world right now that I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed and I just couldn’t put feelings into words tonight.  Nothing much is happening at school, unless I talk about how I’m trying to be cool and do my best moves to Cray Cray Christmas in my classroom.  Thank goodness there are no cameras in there!  Like all of my fellow music colleagues, we’re in the midst of concerts and sing-a-longs and looking forward perhaps to not hearing any more holiday music already.  But that’s pretty humbug of me.

I could write about my ride to school this morning, where I noticed that the clouds looked like individual feathers fanned out across the sky and that the ripples in the lake from the movement of the ducks formed a beautiful “V” shape.  I could write about how I’ve been having multiple anxiety attacks per day for about a week now and can’t figure out why.  I could write about how thankful I am to be married to a wonderful man who is the complete opposite of all the slimeballs I’m seeing on the news lately.  I could write about how discouraged I am that our state department of education decided to take out all language involving music and a well rounded education in their state ESSA report.  After attending meetings, learning about ESSA, giving face to face feedback, filling out surveys, nothing was included.

I had a colleague tell me the other day that I tended to have really random thoughts.  You think? This is both a blessing and a curse.  I have a never-ending stream of thoughts and ideas but struggle to decide which of these to write about.  And just like using the gift card, what are the important things I “need” to write about and what are those crazy things that I “want” to write about.  I do know one thing.  Writing is the thing I look forward to most in my day now.  I look for things happening during the day to have things to write about and I can’t wait to put my own spin on them. That’s why I think days like today are so frustrating because I don’t have that one fabulous idea or story line.

So maybe if I’m not finding things to write about, I’m not looking hard enough?  Like spending the gift card on just the right thing, it takes some searching to find just the right thing to write about.  But in the meantime, unfortunately, this is what you get today.  Just another day wandering around my random thoughts.

 

The straw that broke the camel’s back.  Opening up the floodgates.  Women, and men, all over the country are finally sick and tired of being treated with disrespect in the workplace and are speaking up about those who are harassing or assaulting them sexually.  And somehow, we’re all surprised when we hear who has been doing the harassing.  Anyone who feels, for whatever reason, that they have superiority over another often claim the right to harass them.  I see this all the time at school among students.  It’s all over seemingly minor things but it’s not the subject itself that should be of concern, but the attitude with which it is said or done.  There have always been, and will always be those who feel like they have the right to lord it over others.  Whether it’s because they are of a certain ethnicity, gender, socioeconomic status, educational level or political party, there are those who feel others are beneath them, and therefore subject to their harassment and/or judgement.

But I’m going to step out on a limb here and suggest that sometimes it happens because the one being harassed allows it to go on.  Their fear of what might happen to them if they say something is greater than the fear of the harassment itself.  The harassment might not continue if stopped right away.  So many times we’re surprised or taken aback by someone who says or does something we’re not expecting.  But as soon as we get over that, we need to begin saying something.  In a twisted sort of way, it’s not fair to the person who is doing the harassing if we allow it to continue and then we blow the whistle.  Why not give the person the opportunity to change earlier without getting them fired?

But let’s step away from the headlines for a few minutes and talk about education, because that’s what I feel more qualified to speak about.  And the fact that for many years now, people in government, with no educational background are deciding how children should be taught in the public schools.  Now when I say no educational background, obviously we’ve all been to school, but we’ve not all been taught the art of teaching.  For some reason, because everyone has been to school, they feel they have the right to lord it over teachers who actually have the training.  It would be like saying, I’ve been to the doctor, so I know what the doctor should be doing.  Ridiculous.

As teachers, we talk about the problems in education.  Too many students in a classroom, new technology and training at every turn, accountability expectations that are in actuality, busy work, no ability to give appropriate consequences to students for their inappropriate actions.  No ability to make the decision to stay on a topic a little longer to make sure all students have it because the curriculum is timed and scripted.  Contracts not being honored because teachers are expected to be team players and step up to do whatever is needed whenever, even if it’s outside of their subject area.  Training in areas like trauma and suicide that are lumped on top of everything else. So, why is it that teachers only speak of these things with close colleagues or in union groups where they feel safe and not to the people who need to hear it?  It’s because they’re afraid.  Afraid of losing their job, or being transferred to a new school or having additional duties as assigned.  If we’re not speaking up, we’re allowing those who have power over us to succeed in their cause, even though they have no training in what we do.

Everyone is allowed their opinion of course, and because everyone has had experience with schooling in some form, they have their perceptions of what is good and bad in education. But I’m talking to teachers now.  When are we going to be brave enough to step up, and as a group talk to governors and legislatures, superintendents and administrators and let them know that enough is enough?  When are we going to speak up for kids who need to have adequate time in each subject area to have a well rounded education?  When are we going to speak up about the unnecessary testing that stresses kids out and takes away time that could be used for additional learning.  Assessments are obviously necessary to document progress, but there shouldn’t be testing for days on end and teaching to the test.  Authority should be given back to the classroom teacher, working with parents in the best interest of their child without government interference.  And what do they hold over our heads?  Money.  Without all the assessments and accountability, no government money.  So, we are made puppets of people who have no idea what real education is all about.  Again, I ask, when are we going to speak up?

But, you may say, that’s what my local union and NEA and lobbyists are for!  Yes, and they do a great job, but there is always strength in numbers.  Maybe it starts with talking with the team leaders in your school.  Then maybe your team leaders with your administrator.  And your administrator to other administrators.  Sound like a pipe dream?  Maybe, but look at what’s happening when people speak up about harassment.  With the right documentation/proof, great change can be made.  The question is, as teachers, are we going to remain afraid or are we going to start speaking up?  It certainly never hurts to try and you never know where it might lead. Perhaps a better educational system for the students who mean so much to all of us.

There’s nothing like holiday music to bring out the most interesting comments from students.  Especially  with little ones, you know it’s things they’ve heard (or misheard) from parents or older brothers and sisters.  Today while singing “Deck the Halls” which actually should be Deck the Hall (singular, but that’s another story for another time), we of course came upon the one line that either makes kids giggle or gasp.  “Don we now our gay apparel”.

I’m usually more proactive about this, and I refuse to change the word because I think it’s important to teach context, but today we were just reviewing holiday songs for our end of year sing-a-long and I didn’t do it.  As soon as the song was over, a hand shot up in the air and a 1st grader informed me that the word “gay” can’t be used at school, because  it’s a bad word.  So of course, I explained the word in context, to which he replied, “my parents won’t like it”.  So I told him to talk to them about it, that they would know the song and I’m sure it would be okay.  But this whole conversation really got me thinking.  Do people actually think that by not talking about things that it causes them not to exist?  I always believed with my own kids, that if they were old enough to ask, they were old enough to talk about it.  Of course, as a parent, answers are tempered by personal philosophies and beliefs and what they believe their child can handle.  So what is a teacher to do when your whole life is geared towards educating your students and you find yourself not educating because you just don’t know what you should or should not say?

Later that same class, we were singing yet another Santa song, when one of my kids says (without raising their hand), “Christmas isn’t about Santa at all.  It’s about the birth of Jesus”.  To which I replied, yes, I would agree with you, but a lot of people celebrate the holiday with Santa.  A lot of the kids looked confused, like why can’t you celebrate Santa AND Jesus?  It’s all just so confusing.  And, did you know that Hannukah is just like Christmas only at a different time?  This one explained by another student who said, “yeah, Christmas is easy.  It’s about the birth of Jesus.  But Hannukah is really complicated, about a candle and oil and how it burned for eight days and stuff”.

In a school environment where I want to try and recognize as many different cultures and customs as I can, it gets very sticky.  One year I had a parent come to me upset that I was teaching Hannukah and not Christmas and she wanted to know why.  To which I replied, well Hannukah comes before Christmas this year and I’m going in chronological order.  People want their beliefs and traditions recognized and taught, not just at home, but at school.  But at school, music teachers walk a fine line because we’re not supposed to espouse one belief or religion or custom over another.  And what of those students who don’t celebrate anything?  That takes some additional creativity in terms of lesson plans.

And somehow, as teachers, our own beliefs and values get lost in the process.  Going back to the beginning of this story, I found myself getting defensive for my close friends who are gay.  I wanted so much to have a serious talk with the kids about how we shouldn’t giggle or make fun of the word gay because all people should be treated with respect.  But I didn’t want to open that can of worms, and now I’m a little angry at myself.  And for the kid who wanted to talk about the birth of Jesus, I wanted to join the conversation; that I too believe that the holiday is to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior.  But that would be considered proselytizing.  This assumes that teachers, as adults in the lives of children, have the power to sway how they think.  And the truth is, we only have the power we’re given when it comes to subject matter outside of the prescribed curriculum.

Because we love our students and care about their futures, we not only want them to be educated in the 3’R’s, but we also want them to grow up to be kind, respectful, thoughtful human beings. And to me, that means taking the opportunity to talk to them about some uncomfortable things sometimes, to help them see the diversity in the world and to learn to appreciate and understand that diversity.  It doesn’t mean that they have to agree with everything, but they should have enough knowledge to form their own educated beliefs, philosophies, customs and traditions.  So, I suppose as long as it takes, (at least until I retire), I’ll keep explaining the word “gay” in context until kids finally stop giggling and gasping.

 

 

 

Have you ever, ever, ever in your short legged life,

met a short legged sailor and his short legged wife.

When I was a kid, I remember singing this song while playing a clapping game with my friends.  I never thought of the words much, other than that they were pretty funny.  Well, now that I actually am a short legged wife, some days are funnier than others.  Like today for instance, my team at school decides to go out for lunch together and my friend Heidi volunteers to drive.  No problem, right?  Well it is if the bottom of the door is up to your hip.  I stopped, looked at it for moment and thought, I can’t go to lunch.  I can’t get in this SUV.  I literally had to lift up my left leg with my hand to place my foot on the floor of the backseat and hoist myself up kinda sideways to get in.  It wasn’t much better getting out.  I dangled a good two feet off the ground so I slid off of the seat like a slide onto the pavement, knowing full well I was going to have to perform this circus act again after lunch.

It’s not that I’m terribly short, after all, 5’4″ isn’t really that short, but I have a relatively long torso and short legs.  It makes for great fun when I’m trying to walk with people who are taller than I am.  It literally takes me two steps for every one of theirs and while they are seemingly sauntering down the hallway, I’m running a marathon.  Add a hot flash in the middle of that and I’m a lovely mess.

Sitting at high top tables is also an adventure.  After hoisting myself up on the stool/chair, then I have to find a place for my feet.  The place for your feet on the stool itself is usually too low and I have to balance my toes on it or just let the legs swing freely, which isn’t bad if the seat sits back enough.  To make things even better, the rail on the bottom of the table is too low as well and I can’t reach it. If I just had those blocks I used to have on the pedals of my tricycle, I’d be in business.  And sitting a a regular table in a restaurant isn’t much better. Sometimes I’m sitting in a booth where the top of the table comes up to your chest.  I can literally shovel food into my mouth from the plate.  I feel like a five year old at the grown-ups table.  Surely there are enough short people in the world that manufacturers can consider us when designing things like this.

And people are growing taller and larger all the time.  I have fifth graders who look down on me and second graders whose feet are larger than mine.  What the heck are we feeding these kids because obviously I didn’t get any!  Well okay,  I’m continue to grow, only now it’s just “out”, instead of “up”.  Pretty soon I’ll be round.

And forget standing with a group of tall people.  I can only see as far as the next tall person.  At sporting events, I’m fortunate to go with a friend much taller than I who can see ahead and I just follow him around.  If I lose him, I’m doomed to wander among the tall trees, lost forever.  Maybe this is why I sometimes feel invisible when I’m standing talking to a group of taller people.  They have to strain themselves to look down and see me.  It’s much easier to look over my head and speak to all of the other tall people.  Which is why sitting and talking to people puts me on a little more equal ground.

And being short, I will forever and always be doomed to be “cute”.  Well, at least when I was younger.  Never, beautiful, or heaven forbid, statuesque.  Just “cute”.  Which to some means ditzy, or perky like some kind of cheerleader or something.  No offense to cheerleaders.  It’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re considered “cute”.  Maybe if I find some cool French word for cute it would sound better?  Except the word is “mignonne” as in “filet mignon”, the smaller end of the tenderloin.  Cute equals small in any language.  Sigh.

Then, when people finally get past the height and the cuteness and you get to a point in your career where maybe you get the chance to speak in front of groups, they put you behind a podium.  Where you can hide apparently, because that’s what it feels like.  Where you have to pull the microphone down as far as it will go so you can reach it while it makes that horrible screeching sound.  So much for being taken seriously.

Are there perks to being short however?  You bet.  I can walk down the sidewalk without having to duck under tree branches.  I don’t have to bend over to drink from water fountains.  I can sit down in my little VW beetle without any difficulty while tall people have to contort to get in.  There are some advantages. But tonight, I’ll hoist myself up into my tall bed, wondering how much longer I can do this before I have to buy a step stool. And next time I’m asked to go to lunch, I think I’ll drive.

Many years ago, I taught for the Diocese of Cincinnati.  It was not the route I had planned in education, but after a couple of years of subbing, this was the first real job offer I received, and so I took it, seeing it as a stepping stone to teaching in the public schools.  I ended up loving where I was and I loved teaching the kids that I had.  As my students left to go to one of the many Catholic High Schools in town, most of which were either boys or girls schools, I questioned the wisdom of separating them.  I mean, how archaic, right? And one of the explanations I received made so much sense.  At the all girls school, the girls explained to me that they would get up, throw their hair in a ponytail, not worry about make-up and head to school.  They were not distracted by boys, not trying to impress boys, not trying to suppress their competitiveness because of boys.  These girls become successful because something that might have distracted them was separated from them.

In a world that right now is all about inclusiveness, to argue for separation might seem backwards, but hear me out.  Sometimes in life, we need to be separated from people or things because it makes us healthier.  Before you become concerned about me talking about separation in terms of race, I should tell you that as a child, I attended an all white school in Mississippi for a couple of years.  While unaware of this as a child, I was greatly saddened by it as I came to this realization as an adult.  As a teacher, it is now a joy to see all of my students allowed to be together.  So I’m not talking about something as obvious as race or gender necessarily, but perhaps something a little more individualized.

In a past blog, I wrote about the difference between hummingbirds and jackhammers.  Author Elizabeth Gilbert defines hummingbirds as those people who go from experience to experience taking what they want or need and going to the next thing, where jackhammers have a very intense focus on the one thing they’re passionate about.  What if schools or classes were separated in terms of personalities?  What if the hummingbirds all went to a school where they could learn what they wanted from any number of different subjects while the school for the jackhammers focused on that one goal?  Because you see, we need both in the world.  Why not make them both the best they can be by differentiating their instruction in this way?

Or, how about separating by strengths?  While I know it’s important to also spend time in those areas that are not our strengths, why not have schools where kids are taught how to really utilize those innate strengths throughout their academic careers.  Imagine learning a subject through the eyes of your strengths.  What would that type of school look like?  Would you have to match teachers with the same kinds of strengths as the students to successfully teach that subject?  I would tend to think it would take a teacher whose strength was a “Woo” to handle a classroom full of “Woos” especially!

And of course, as my latest hummingbird interest is learning about introverts, how about separating students based on whether they are introverts or extroverts.  We know the research tells us that most times, extroverts tend to overwhelm introverts, taking over conversations, making the major decisions in a group, etc.  While it would be tough having an entire classroom of either, having a teacher with the same personality trait would be very helpful.  In discussing this with my husband, who is a complete extrovert, he expressed how frustrating it is to be with a classroom full of introverts because you can’t get them to talk, while I get completely overwhelmed with a classroom full of extroverts who won’t stay quiet long enough to listen to others.  Imagine if we had teachers who could take a class of introverts who are very thoughtful people, and encourage them share in their own quiet way.  And imagine a teacher who could corral the energy of a group of extroverts – wow!  And everyone benefits.

Creating this type of school, classroom and curriculum would take a major shift in our thinking, how we currently train and hire teachers and how we group students in classrooms. And of course, permanent separation is not practical, but separation for a student’s formative years might be a way to cement their self-confidence in who they are and how they think and learn.  Part of their instruction would be teaching them how to deal with other personalities, but in a non-threatening way which wouldn’t downplay other people’s strengths.   Teaching them that once we put all of these different strengths and personalities together, where we rely on and respect each other, we can create an amazing society where everyone is confident in who they are.   It could be a great experiment if anyone is willing to tackle it.

The mood under the stadium lights was anything but positive.  Everyone was walking around with a long face, except for fans of the opposing team, of course.  And one other group – the band.  The band continued to smile, play with energy and enthusiasm and support their fellow students.  Not that they weren’t disappointed, especially the seniors, but they kept doing their job.  There was no extrinsic reward for them to continue doing their jobs, they just did what they knew was expected and they continued to do it with excellence.  No monetary reward, no trophies, no trips, no accolades from the crowd or the press.  They continued for the sake of doing the right thing well and had fun doing it.

The interesting thing here too is that there was no “adult” yelling at them to do things, no additional “coaching”, no expected words of encouragement, no extrinsic motivation.  The members of this organization support each other in a beautifully coordinated way, combining great music with exciting movement, something different every game.  Hard work, every day, rehearsing first thing in the morning before class and performing all day Saturdays, rain or shine, hot or cold.  It’s called commitment and work ethic.

A gentleman quietly walked up to the directors at the height of the pounding our team was receiving.  With his hands in his pockets and no introduction, he shared that his son might not have gotten through school if it hadn’t been for the band and said thank you.  He walked away as quietly as he had come, with a slight pause to look up at the band in the stands, the lights highlighting the slight moisture in his eyes.  How is it that something that really receives no visible rewards can affect people in such a positive, emotional way?  This dad saw where this commitment to band had contributed to his commitment to get through school.

I noticed this week something that apparently some football teams are using as a form of extrinsic motivation.  The “turnover chain” and the “garbage can” are given to players who have done something well, like picking up a pass or a fumble.  I hate to ask this, but isn’t that their job?  Do they need to literally rattle some chains on the sidelines like some pee wee football team all receives a trophy?  If bands operated the same way, just about every person would get something because everyone does what is expected.

It’s a continuation of what I see in elementary school.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a kid do their job or the right thing and then ask me “what do I get for this?”.  My usual answer is “a pat on the back, a high five, or a hug and the knowledge that you worked hard to succeed”.  They immediately expect something for doing the right thing or doing their best.  Are we concerned that if we don’t reward people that they’ll stop doing their job?  There are natural consequences for that.  That in itself should be plenty of motivation I would think.  But there are some intangible rewards that happen when individuals work to do their best, especially combined with others who do the same.

We always talk about how music teaches communication, collaboration, critical thinking  and creativity and these are things that build up that intrinsic motivation for these people to work hard and do their best in other areas of their lives, like work and family.  This ability to work because you’re intrinsically motivated makes people great bosses, leaders, employees, parents and spouses.  Sometimes life seems thankless.  Can we continue to do our job, even when we don’t feel like it?  Not if we’re always expecting rewards.  Life is hard and if we’re always expecting rewards for the things we’re supposed to do, we’re going to end up very frustrated and disappointed.

And this is where I go back to the band.  They were frustrated and disappointed by their circumstances, but they were able to continue their jobs and do them well.  This is maturity at its finest and while they might not feel like they’re being rewarded now for this hard work, one day they’ll look back at their experience and see how it helped mold them to be better people.  And they’ll probably encourage the next generation to do the same.

Personal growth is a good thing.  I’ve head that when we stop growing is when we start dying.  I also heard about a teacher who told his class that you start dying when you turn 25 but that’s really too depressing.  Anyway, so much of our personal growth comes from the circle of relationships we have.  No circle, no growth, no life.  The ironic thing is that  for a lot of people, you really don’t see that circle of relationships, or lack of, literally, until you’re gone.  One of the saddest funerals I ever attended was my father’s, not just because he was my dad, but because very few people came.  It wasn’t that he wasn’t a great guy, he just didn’t get out and develop many relationships.  Which means, he didn’t have the opportunity to touch others and they didn’t get to know him.

You see, my dad was a true introvert.  His favorite thing to do was to sit in his recliner, read and listen to music.  He didn’t like a lot of dialogue when he came home from work – he usually just grabbed the newspaper and read until dinner.  He was not one for small talk but loved getting hold of a subject and delving deeply into it.  For me, those were my favorite times, when we would have a deep one on one about something crazy like black holes.  Seriously.  So yes, he was a real introvert and he never stepped outside of that realm, other than to teach.   Did he like to be alone?  Yes.  Was he lonely?  I don’t know.  There were experiences he regretted missing, but those experiences would have meant stepping out of the introvert comfort zone.  It’s quite the internal struggle.

My circle of relationships have changed over the years as I’m sure many of yours have.  Growing up, I usually had that one friend, my best friend, whom I would hang out with for hours doing things I loved to do.  Looking back, this person always seemed to be the extrovert, the one who would push me to do different things, but not out of my one on one comfort zone.  Having too many friends has always been overwhelming to me, just like being in large crowds or loud parties.  So, as my life changes, the circle of relationships evolves.  There’s always this great sense of loss when this happens, again because I get shifted out of my comfort zone.  When I was younger, this was a little easier because I was usually moving, so it was more of a natural separation, but now that we’ve been in the same place for a number of years, the evolution can be very uncomfortable and sad.  It may not be that the relationship ends, but that it takes a backseat to what might be more necessary, current relationships.  Again, it sounds cold, even as I write this, but it is difficult for me to maintain so many relationships at that intense level.

My pastor once did a sermon on relationships, with circles for different levels and how those levels change.  It’s difficult for anyone to maintain a lot of deep relationships because they take so much time.  And I truly believe that there are people who come into our lives at certain times for certain reasons; to help us get through difficult circumstances, to make us accountable, to help us grow.  So, I suppose, as my life and circumstances change, so do my relationships. It seems that my extrovert friends are able to juggle so many more relationships than I am for longer periods of time and I find myself wishing I could do that.  But it’s all I can do right now to juggle what I have.

The good thing to come out of this however is the diversity of relationships that I’ve been able to develop and how it has changed my world view, especially in the last several years.  You think you know what you believe about things and then you develop a relationship with someone and it challenges those feelings and beliefs.  And wherever there’s struggle, there’s growth.  There are decisions to be made.  What do I really think about this?  How does my relationship with this person affect how I feel about and behave towards others? These questions sometimes challenge my political leanings and my faith.  They push me to learn more so that I can speak more intelligently on certain subjects.  And sometimes they just give me more questions to deal with.  What do I really believe and how do I act on those beliefs?  My plan is to continue allowing my relationships to evolve and perhaps I’ll keep growing enough to answer those questions someday.  Unless of course it just brings up different questions….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This morning I’m sitting on my very comfy sectional, having eaten a nice breakfast and looking out my window at the beautiful sunny blue sky.  I just received a couple of texts from my sisters-in-love wishing us a happy Thanksgiving.  The apartment is quiet except for the trickling of water from the fish tank and the sounds of the radio coming from my son’s room.  I anticipate a day full of great food and my wonderful family and I find myself celebrating divine goodness.

The definition of Thanksgiving for English language learners is “The fourth Thursday in November in the U.S. …celebrated as a legal holiday for people to be thankful for what they have” also defined as “a public acknowledgement or celebration of divine goodness”. No mention of pilgrims and Indians here; it is a day to publicly declare what we are thankful for.  And who do we give thanks to?  Not a person or group of people, but “divine goodness”.

However, this day seems to have become anything but a day to be thankful for divine goodness.  We celebrate with ridiculous amounts of food, watch football and the Macy’s Day parade and start our Black Friday shopping.  It’s the jump start to the Christmas holiday.  Like so many of our celebrations, it has become so very commercial instead of a day of thanks for what we have.  And there are those who use it to be political or push a cause, which is fine in itself, but maybe not on a day designed for us to be thankful.  I myself am thankful for days when not everything is turned into a political issue.  Not that that happens very often anymore.  Anyway….

But the big question is, why should we need to designate one day to celebrate divine goodness?  Shouldn’t we be celebrating His divine goodness every day?  Not just for all the big things, but the little things as well. The fact that I have a warm, comfortable place to sleep each night, that I wake up every day and have a job to go to.  That I have wonderful family and friends and plenty to eat.  I am blessed.  I should be celebrating publicly every day, shouldn’t I?

But being as blessed as I am should make me more aware of those who are struggling.  Those who may not have what so many of us take for granted.  And while it’s a wonderful thing to give them a meal on Thanksgiving, it’s not the only day they do without.  Being aware of His divine goodness every day should remind us of others EVERY day, not just on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I know that this is something I need to remember when I get so busy that it ends up being all about me.

So today, as you hopefully read this, maybe we all need to consider being thankful for His divine goodness every day, and through that, allow Him to share a little of that divine goodness through us, not just on Thanksgiving, but all year long.  Happy Thanksgiving!

 

It was a picture you might see a thousand times on Facebook.  A grandfather with his young grandson sitting at a table smiling at the camera.  Among other things, the caption proudly read something like this – “this 3 year old already knows about John Wayne and the Cubs”.  If you know this grandfather, you know that he is a HUGE John Wayne and Cubs fan, so of course he is passing on his love for these two things to his grandson.  Such little things, but to this man, important things, things he has a passion for.  And it got me to thinking, what kinds of things are we passing on to the next generations and are they important?

Some things aren’t really important at all.  Like my love for hash for instance.  It was something my dad loved.  I passed that on to my son and now he is passing on to his foster son.  Completely silly and totally unhealthy, but it gives us a connection that we laugh about.  On my husband’s side of the family, it might be the way they open Christmas gifts from youngest to oldest.  His grandmother did it, his mother, we did it and now my kids do it.  These little things become our traditions, something we have in common as a family.  And those traditions become hard to break because it brings us a sense of belonging and familiarity.  It’s a comfort zone for all of us because we know what to expect, and it brings back fond memories of days gone by.

So what about those things that are even more important to us?  Like music, for instance.  I have wonderful colleagues in music whose children have also gone into the field and sometimes I have this guilty feeling, as though I didn’t push my kids hard enough or make them work hard enough in music that they wanted to be musicians themselves.  Because music is what we do, every day, all day it seems.  Although my sons all love and appreciate music, it’s not something they wanted to pursue as a career.  Is it enough then that we passed on the appreciation for but not the passion for doing?  My middle son has thanked us for letting them be individuals and deciding for themselves what they wanted to do.  And maybe that’s what we passed on to them in this case; that people are unique individuals and something as important as choosing their life’s work should be following their passion, not mine.  I’m hoping that is the case.

But let’s go back to John Wayne again for a minute.  This is a man who was born in small town Iowa, became an actor, made some movies and died almost 40 years ago.  And yet when you search for him on google, a lot of stuff pops up.  Why? Because there are enough people who like him who have passed that down to others.  Probably they introduced him to others through his movies which created more fans.  Just an ordinary man whose job was to interpret characters on film, and yet 40 years after his death, he still lives.  Somehow he touched people in such a way that they want to share that feeling with others.  And why him and not someone else of his era?  Maybe it had to do with what he represented.  Like the Cubs, the personification of perseverance.  So we continue to pass down our love for the underdog because of that character trait.  Or in our house, the Kentucky Wildcat basketball team, which strives for hard work and excellence.

Then I got to thinking, if passing on things like a passion for the Cubs or John Wayne or music is important for the next generations, how about character?  Not just the representation of character, but actual character building? I’ve been reading that we’re not so much a society that appreciates character anymore but instead, we look for personality.  Personalities are shallow but character runs deep. And personality can only get you so far.  Then people start to figure out what’s real and what’s not.  However, if good character is passed down, those are the things that last a lifetime.  Honesty, integrity, kindness, respect for others, responsibility are the kinds of things we should be focused on when passing on family traditions/traits to the next generations.  These things make a better world for everyone.

As teachers, we try to teach these character traits to our students.  However, in a personality driven world, is it a losing battle?  It’s not like they don’t understand what good character is, but they don’t feel the need to live it.  If they can get away with something that will benefit themselves, even if they know it’s wrong, they’ll do it.  And they’ll tell you that.  We can see what emphasis on personality versus character has done in terms of our political leadership.  Real leaders are made from those with excellent character or at least those who are working on their character, not those who are trying to impress others with their personalities.  The problem being that when you see a person with personality you immediately have an opinion; they can talk you into believing anything.  You don’t have to get to know them.  To know a person has integrity, for instance, you really have to get to know them.  It’s taking time to develop those relationships.

And where does this character teaching start?  With me.  Because if I don’t live as an example of good character, I can’t really pass it on.  Because a person of good character touches people in such a way that they WANT to be like them.  We can’t talk them into it, we have to LIVE them into it.  So while we’re passing on our love of the Cubs, John Wayne, music or Kentucky Basketball, let’s remember to be an example of good character as well and turn our next generations into people of character instead of personalities.

 

 

 

We either are this person or know this person.  The person who has this great idea, the idea they’re so excited and/or passionate about that they can’t stop talking about how it is going to change the way we think or do things.  Perhaps it’s something they’ve done before with a different group and it worked beautifully there so of course it would work again in a different setting for another organization.  And so they run it by their friends or colleagues, people they work with and trust to see what they think, completely convinced that this group is going to be just an enthused about the wonderful idea.  And then it happens.  Everyone says it’s a bad idea.  Now comes the challenge. As a leader, do you listen to the advice and either tweak or chuck the idea, or do you take a chance, go against the advice and do what you believe is the right thing to do?

The key question here is, IS IT THE RIGHT THING TO DO?  And who defines right?  As the person who came up with the idea, they have a personal stake in this, they’re tied emotionally to the idea.  So when the idea is rejected, the leader has a choice. Do I use my position to do what I want because I feel or think it’s right, or do I listen to the advice and find out why it’s not such a great idea?  Do these colleagues or friends have ideas to improve upon mine?  You see, one pathway feeds the ego, the other lets go of the ego to consider others.

Now, there are examples throughout history where people went against advice to continue work on something they truly believed in and they turned out to be right.  Most of those times, however, the idea wasn’t necessarily something that was going to benefit them personally, but WOULD benefit others.  The drive to go ahead with the new idea wasn’t just so they could get their way, just to say they were “right”.  The kicker is this.  As a leader, how do I know if I’m passionate about an idea because I’m personally invested or if I really believe it’s a great idea that could change peoples’ lives? And here my friends, lies the fine line.

What happens then if a person in leadership asks for input and then completely ignores it to go on this new idea path they’ve chosen?  For a lot of people, it erodes the trust we need to work together as a team. Those who may not be where the buck stops, also want to make a difference in the lives of others, so when they’re asked for their opinion, most will want to be heard.  To listen and ignore may cause those people to be wary of  further participation, destroying the trusting relationship leaders must cultivate with those he or she serves with.  When real communication is severed, the quality of the work suffers and can ultimately end up hurting the ones we serve.

When I was first asked to be the state president of my professional organization, I’ll be honest when I say I was thinking “wow, I get to be president!”.  My next thought was, “oh my gosh.  I don’t know how to be president”.  Then my next thought was, “I need to pull some people together to advise me” and that’s exactly what I did.  Through their leadership, I learned that while being a president might be considered a bucket list item, it is really about listening to and serving people.  People and their needs and feelings should be considered above all else.  Because a true leader serves and is not necessarily served themselves. And it taught me to listen first and talk later.

Do I always get it “right” now?  No, sometimes I get way too excited about stuff and speak before I think, not always taking in all the information, not always considering all of the logistics or the people involved.  I think I’ve done a lot of that lately and I have some issues to consider before I take actions on some things. Thank goodness I’m still surrounded by great leaders who care enough about me to give me great advise, who listen before they speak, who consider others before themselves.  And they are who I want to be when I grow up.  Not needing to be right, but striving to do the right thing.