The clock said 3:42 a.m.  Doug and I simultaneously sat bolt upright in bed.  Instantly wide awake, we realized the smoke alarm was going off. By the time we got to the door, the alarm had stopped but I stopped to touch the doorknob before I opened it to make sure it wasn’t hot.  There was light coming in from under the door so I knew David was up (did I mention he’s a vampire?) so we went out to check.  There he was, calmly watching some documentary and as we walked in he said, “oh yeah, I don’t know what’s going on but the smoke alarm when off”. And then he went back to his documentary.  In the meantime, I’m checking to see if he left his teakettle on too long, sniffing around to see if anything is burning.  Nothing.

The funny thing is that the smoke detector batteries had all been switched out last week.  Everything was brand new so this shouldn’t have happened.  We made David get up and check out his space but everything seemed ok, so we went back to bed.  As soon as we zoned out again – BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP…..  Doug is now verbalizing expletives under his breath as he gets up to look for 9 volt batteries.  And what do you do when you can’t find any new ones?  You start robbing other things in the hopes something will work.  So he switched it out, but now there was this annoying CHIRP coming from the living room.  Now, our room is in the back of the apartment so Doug comes back in the room and says, he thinks he can sleep with the chirp and we’ll fix it in the morning.  Sure, he can sleep with the chirp – he’s deaf!  I on the other hand would be able to hear a chirp coming from another apartment down the hall.  But I thought I would try – how hard could it be?  Did you know that the smoke detector chirps about every 35 seconds?  You do now.  In the meantime, Doug is already out so I’m going to try again. So it was a mixed blessing when the alarm went off again!  So now it’s about 4:15 a.m. and Doug is off to the store to buy batteries.

New batteries installed soon after (and coffee picked up as well) and we go back to bed.  Only to have the alarm go off again.  Now by this time, I’m sure most people might be concerned that it’s picking up something in the walls, but all we can think of is getting to sleep.  The chirp then returns, so Doug (wonderful man) gets up yet again, but this time when he returns, no sound.  Amazing what taking the detector apart and shutting off the circuit breaker can do.

Later that morning (hard to imagine this all happened within hours), the maintenance guy came back and replaced the smoke detector completely which had apparently lived out its life and the alternating beeping and chirping was its last hurrah.  Case solved!

I’ve been sitting on this story for days, trying to find an analogy to tie this all together and again, I refer back to kids and teaching.  How many times do we have a kid who explodes (BEEPS) in the middle of what we’re trying to do and all we want to do it turn it off and get back to the business of teaching?  Or how about that kid that just picks or “chirps” at you for attention and you cut them off or reprimand them for disrupting class?  You know the ones.  And sometimes those chirps are really quiet, but chirps nonetheless, and we just block those out and ignore them. But what if these are the child’s final attempts to let you know that they are at the end of their rope?  They’re trying in every way they can to get your attention and instead of working to figure out why, you just try to shut it off so that you can get back to sleep – I mean, work.  While there are those few kids who just like to push buttons, the truth is, most younger kids can just react without thinking and those of us with an agenda and some self control sometimes assume they can just stop the behavior.  But what if we spent more time this new school year trying to figure out “why”?  These are kids who need someone to trust so badly and sometimes they do these things to test us.  How many times can we shut them off before they can’t trust us or anyone else at all?  Can we afford to have these kids “disconnected” and then send them off into society in the future?  I believe we’re seeing what can happen in a society when people feel disconnected,  as though nobody is listening to the beeps and chirps.

So, maybe this year I focus on doing a little more listening, questioning why, and building more trust with those kids who need it the most and not just disconnecting them after the chirp.  Imagine what could happen if we all did something like this in our little corners of the world, no matter where we are – maybe there would be more connections and less beeping and chirping.

 

As I begin a new school year,  I think of the 100+ new little faces I’m going to get to teach in a few weeks, which means I’m again pondering the changes I’ve seen in education  and the concern I feel for them as they immediately jump into academics.  Not that behavior/social skills won’t be taught as well, but teachers have to try to cram both in at the same time. I’m trying not to be the old “back in my day” kind of person and if the need for change is proven to me in a logical way, I’m there.  But in my day (ha!), my kindergarten report card consisted of things that had to do with motor skills, a few of the most basic of academic skills and then social skills – necessities to get ready for 1st grade.  Motor skills included things like skipping in rhythm and managing my own clothing.  Academic skills included the ability to write my name and know my name when I saw it, and knowing my colors. The rest of them were social skills, those necessary lifelong behaviors and dispositions that enable you to focus on academic endeavors throughout your schooling and beyond.  Of the 17 things listed, 10 of them were social skills, my favorites being “I do not annoy others” and “I rest well”, neither of which I do well today, but that’s my problem : )  Anyway, maybe children have changed and that’s why the push for more academics sooner.  Does that mean that something like Piaget’s Theory is obsolete or outdated?  Has technology somehow enhanced children’s ability to learn faster?

So, let’s go with this theory that technology has somehow enhanced the way children process information and learn.  That would mean that there is something within the technological environment that actually changes the way children think and conceptualize, that somehow technology is changing how our kids develop cognitively and so they are able to grasp more concepts at a younger age.  But if the use of technology is merely a tool, like a book or manipulatives, how can it make kids cognitively or psychologically more mature?  Simple observation of most elementary students by a seasoned teacher would tell you that exactly the opposite is happening in that if anything, kids appear to be less psychologically mature.  Which leads me to wonder, could the upswing in mental illness among elementary kids come from pushing them academically too soon?  Just asking.

This does not mean that children aren’t intelligent, in fact, Piaget said that these stages of development do not mean that children are less intelligent than adults, it’s that they process things differently.  Just because a student can manipulate the web as well as the teacher for information doesn’t mean he’s processing the information like an adult. That’s why it can seem like the student can handle more, but in fact the typical 5-6 year old has just begun to think symbolically, learning how to use words and pictures to represent objects.  They are still thinking very concretely and the beginning of abstract thought is at least 2-5 years away.  Based on the theory then, attempting to get a 6 year old to understand the “why” of a math problem is a waste of time.  They’re just beginning to understand what the symbol “2” means.

I’ve listened to classrooms where kids are reciting concepts but I’m wondering how many understand what the concept really means and how to use it.  If kids are just beginning to get that letters are symbols for sounds and all of a sudden we start throwing combinations of letters at them in the form of words and then we want them to understand what they’re reading before they’re ready, it’s a waste of time.  Do you know how many little ones have told me they’re stupid because they can’t read the words?  And what we tell them is that they need to read more or work harder. Now, I get that in first grade I had some friends who struggled too, but remember, abstract thinking, according to Piaget, doesn’t happen until 7-11 years of age and as much as we would like all kids to be on grade level at the same time, logically, it isn’t going to happen.  So you’ll have those kids who are developing a little more quickly maybe get it and think they’re all that and then you’ll have those other kids who are developing at the appropriate rate but a little later and they believe themselves to be stupid.  How are you ever going to get a kid to love learning when they feel that way about themselves?

All I’m trying to say here is that despite the fact that kids can surf the web on any number of devices, can be very articulate in terms of spoken vocabulary due to TV and movies, if we ignore the basics of child psychology and push them beyond their own individual development, which includes time to play, rest and learning how to get along with others, we’re going to have more and more tired, stressed out kids who hate school.  School should be that place where we teach kids to love learning through play, creativity, and collaboration.   Technology can be a great tool but we shouldn’t let it deceive us into thinking kids aren’t still kids developmentally.  Spending time teaching kids how to be good people and taking the time to teach listening skills and how to work with others, I believe will be more beneficial in the long run.  Don’t be fooled my friends!

 

Lying on its side, looking for all the world like it’s laying on my son’s bed is Suttree.  Our Suttree is named for the title character Cornelius Suttree in a novel by Cormac McCarthy which takes place in Tennessee along the Tennessee river. For my son, I see it and the name representing all that he loves about his family and home state of Kentucky.  Suttree is one of three mounted buck’s heads given to each of my sons from their paternal granddad.  Grandpa Bush has been a hunter for a long time, and although he doesn’t do it much anymore due to his diminishing eyesight, he wanted to share his love of the sport with his three grandsons with this gift.

Bringing these gifts home is a story in itself.  Doug and the boys have had to rearrange luggage in the back of the vehicle to accommodate these things.  I’m sure we got some funny looks as the deer laid sideways looking out of the window of the car from Kentucky to Nebraska.  The funniest story was when our youngest had to take his home from our place to his in his Smart car.  It wouldn’t fit in the back so it sat in his wife’s lap looking out the front window for its drive home.  She’s a good sport : )

These deer are beautifully mounted and extremely heavy, which is why our son’s is not mounted on the wall at the moment.  We thought about storing it, but the truth is, I think my son looks upon it as a kind of quiet companion, taking him to times growing up at his grandparents house.  It’s a little difficult explaining him (the deer, not my son), to the maintenance guy at the complex, but it did set up a funny conversation.  He said his wife would never let him put one in the house.  Funny he should say that as one of our other sons hasn’t put his up yet either for probably that same reason. The third son has created a “man cave” for himself at his house, and that’s where the deer head resides.

When we think of mounted animal heads, we think of hunting lodges, country estates or cabins in the woods, not suburban apartments.  Quite frankly, it’s difficult to get them to coordinate with the rest of the decor.  And for this city girl, I struggle with the fact that it was once a beautiful living thing now staring at me for all eternity in my apartment.  My in-laws have one mounted in the living room with a large mouth bass mounted right below it and for years, they had one in the guest bedroom which kinda creeped me out at night. My father-in-law however, although he takes pride in his skill, does not just kill for sport, as the animal is used for its meat and the boys have grown up loving various forms of venison.

It’s funny those things that bring peace and a feeling of home to our hearts.  For me it’s remembering my dad taking me to Winchell’s for sprinkle donuts (still one of my favorite things) and for my husband, it’s the “big hill” next to his boyhood home where he and his granddad took walks.  For my son, I believe Suttree is one of those things that brings out his love for the south, for grandma’s cooking and his granddad’s love of fishing and hunting.  Something that maybe he can share with his kids someday as he shares stories of their great-granddad and his gift of Suttree.

 

I’m sorry, but what the heck does that even mean?  I saw this on a billboard advertising for a local hospital while driving into town one day and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  Aside from the fact that it’s just wrong grammatically,  it apparently assumes that I want or need to get back to me, whatever that was.  Do they mean physically, mentally or emotionally?  What if I want to be better than the me I was before they got hold of me?  Can I only return to the me I was immediately before I saw these people?  And what makes them think they can actually get me back to me and how will they know?  Or is it all up to me to know and should I tell them?  Is “me” the me I was yesterday or ten years ago?  This just leaves me with so many questions!  Can you imagine the money spent by this hospital for some marketing firm to come up with this ambiguous sentence?

A lot of ambiguity comes in the guise of trying to appear clever.  “Think Different”.  What ever happened to adverbs?!?  How difficult is it for someone to add a little “ly” to the end of the word?  The adverb is describing the verb “think”.  HOW are you going to think?  Why DIFFERENTLY, of course.  Unless you’re in advertising apparently.

But I shouldn’t just pick on the marketing industry.  Email is a great way to misconstrue all kinds of information and the funny thing is, the sender completely understands what they meant, but somehow the message gets all jumbled up in the typing before it reaches you.  For instance, I received an email about a conference I’m attending and an event that follows it.  The conference runs from Tuesday through Friday afternoon.  The writer then tells me that  the event will be the weekend directly following the conference.  I assumed it would be the following two days, while this person meant the NEXT weekend.  When I emailed him back for clarification, he came back saying he realized his sentence was “ever so slightly confusing”. Ya think?

These are really tiny little issues with incorrect sentence structure, neglected adverbs and assumed detail and only one sentence was involved.  So, can you imagine a group, let’s say our national leadership (and don’t get me started on the definition of leadership),  reading and writing God knows how many emails, bills, etc., where things get confused and misconstrued all the time.  No wonder people can’t agree with each other!  Seriously, we have spent months focused on the two words “fake news”.   Is the news itself fake or is the person reporting making it up?  Is the person faking the happening of an event and that’s being reported? Can you really have fake news?  The definition of news is “new information or a report about something that has happened recently”.  So, if the news is fake, can we really call it news at all because news is supposed to be about something that has happened recently and if it didn’t happen, then it’s not news.  Just asking. Words are great, aren’t they?

I have been called the grammar police and worse, but we live in a world of abbreviations, acronyms and emojis, and our communication skills as a society are deteriorating rapidly.  Like music, words have the power to touch people’s emotions, convey new ideas, change people’s points of view and more.  Used in the correct way, they can change the way the world thinks and operates.  I think of people like Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela who used powerful, heartfelt WORDS – without technology, billboards, and advertisements – to change generations of people around the world.  This is a gift I believe we’re losing and something that I plan to work on personally, only because I want to do all I can to make my little corner of the world a better place.  Clear communication through the use of beautiful words can make a difference for everyone.  And maybe THAT’S how I’ll choose to get back to me : )

 

 

At the very end of my hair appointment today, a man walks in for a haircut. He’s wearing tattered shorts, a Sturgis t-shirt and a sweaty baseball cap.  And there it is, in all its glory.  Under that baseball cap is the stringiest, most scraggly mullet I have ever seen.  One of those flat from under the cap mullets where the sweat has matted it down.  I didn’t hear what he asked the stylist to do with it, but she took him to the sink to wash his hair.  I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have touched it either without washing it first!  As he laid his head back in the sink, with the hair out of the way,  I could see the potential.  Under the slight growth of beard was a wonderful square jaw and a beautiful straight nose and with that long hair out of the way I could see the makings of a really striking man there.  The problem is, I’ll never know.  My stylist finished my hair, I paid and left, and I’ll never see if the potential freedom from mullet-ness came to fruition!

I am one of those people who loves a good reveal.  TV shows like Fixer Upper are like a drug to me because I want to see where they can take a beat up house and turn it into something beautiful.  Quite frankly, it’s that “reveal” that keeps me cleaning my own  house.  I hate the actual boring, routine work that needs to go into it, but boy do I love seeing the end where everything smells great and looks good.  At least until someone decides to raid the fridge again.  It takes someone with vision to look at something raw and make it into something beautiful or meaningful.

Teaching elementary school is a lot like that for me.  I’m fortunate in that as a music teacher,  I may get to work with students for years and I can see the potential direction they’re heading.  But then they leave for middle school and then high school.  Sometimes the teachers at those secondary levels develop relationships where kids come back and share how meaningful that teacher was in their life or how they helped them reach their potential.  This is not necessarily the case for those of us who teach at the elementary level.  We take them as this wonderful raw material, give them the foundational elements they need and then we send them off, sometimes never seeing if the effort paid off,  if the student ever reached their potential or if we really made a difference.

So where then, does the motivation come from when a teacher does everything they can for a child for a year or so and then they lose track of them?  If we never get to see the reveal, are we doomed to be forever frustrated?  The mark of a great teacher is one who sees beyond the raw material, beyond just teaching the subject matter and behavior management and instead sees character strengths, how the child learns best and what they love.  It’s building intense relationships with those kids for a relatively short period of time. For most teachers, I believe it is enough to have a vision for that child and to have the hope that the efforts we put into building those relationships and foundations of learning will pay off in the end and that that child will reach his/her full potential. That faith in each and every child and in our efforts has to be enough.

I have been teaching long enough that I have had a few opportunities to talk to former elementary students who shared things I said to them when they were younger.  The things they remember are not essential learning outcomes in music or state standards.  They remember feeling included, inspired, and happy.  They remember working hard and accomplishing great things with others.  They made lifelong friends who share their memories and love for music and the arts. They’ve been able to use those skills in their adult lives and sometimes my words have encouraged them to follow their passions.  So even though I wasn’t there for the big reveal, I know my vision for what I hoped their lives would be has happened for them and that in turn gives me hope for the thousands of other students I’ve had the chance to work with.

And the mullet?  Well, I’ll guess I’ll never know.  But I have a vision and I know what my hope is.  Maybe one less mullet in the world?  : )

 

“If I see something sagging, bagging or dragging, I’ll get it nipped, tucked or sucked”  Dolly Parton.

I love and admire Dolly Parton. Here is a woman who has succeeded against all odds in an industry that is notoriously unforgiving of age.  While she has done many things to admire her for, I’m going to focus on just one aspect today and that’s ageism.  She completely admits to doing whatever she needs to do as “maintenance” and doesn’t try to hide from her age. She does what she does to make herself look pretty, which I can totally relate to. There are so many “isms” today that I hesitate to even bring up the topic, but as I’m getting older, as we all do, I find myself doing all I can to fight the aging process, not only to feel better about myself and continue to as look as “pretty” as I can, but to fight ageism.  Ok, some of the things I do are a little warped, like continuing to eat hamburgers like a teenager, but none of us is perfect : )

This summer I met a new friend and as we were sitting in meetings, the topic of children came up and she asked me my children’s ages. I proceeded to tell her 33, 29 and 27.  She stopped for a moment and said, “Oh – I thought you were in your 30’s!”.  I can tell you it made my year.  I attribute the way I look to three things; great genes, a great stylist/colorist and fat that plumps out most of the wrinkles.  But the truth is I invest a lot of money each month to cover not just a little gray, but an entire headful of gray.  I do it because of my coloring – gray completely washes out my features as it did my mother’s. I read articles on how women my age should wear their makeup to look younger and I am fighting elastic waistbands and polyester with every fiber of my being.

But of course the inevitable happens.  I’m looking at a bruise on top of my right hand where I had an IV for a colonoscopy earlier this week.  It’s that season of life.  It feels like when we get to a certain age, we start looking for signs of death and deterioration.  Doug is in today for a routine stress test.  Yippee.  Despite what we try to do to remain looking and feeling younger, life and physicians keep reminding us that we’re not.

But it’s not just our healthcare providers that remind us.  I started getting letters from AARP BEFORE my 50th birthday.  Other than considering joining for the travel discounts, I’m fighting this.  I’m getting emails about retirement workshops and social security, like the end is just around the corner.  And it may be, but why should I have to behave like it is? I don’t see myself retiring anytime soon, and if I do it’s going to be because I’ve found something else to do in its place.  I LIKE to work, but when we get to a certain age, whatever that is, we’re encouraged to stop working, like it’s a bad thing.  If you hate your job that much, you should probably be doing something else in the first place.  Senior discounts I’m sure are very nice, especially for those on a fixed income, but even the term “senior” is annoying.  Yes, I’ve got some life experience, but in our society, senior can mean you’re finished and on your way out.

In our youth oriented society, those of us of a certain age can be completely overlooked in terms of the job market.  Employers assume that we’re not going to be there long or in some cases, we have too much experience or cost too much.  Technology for some of us can be the dividing line between relevant or irrelevant.  While my husband loves to be on the cutting edge of technology, I see more value in a more hands-on approach to doing life.  Sure I’ve got my cell phone and my laptop, but my worth as a person or employee shouldn’t be gauged by how well I keep up with the latest and greatest.

Despite all of these things, I wouldn’t go back to being younger for anything.  When someone asks, wouldn’t you love to be 16 or 21 again, I think, Lord no! I knew nothing, had little confidence, no real world experience.  Being in my 50’s has been great as I’ve developed the confidence and gained the knowledge to really show myself and others who I am and what I can do.

So, I’m going to continue to deal with the poking and prodding, and the reminders that I’m getting older.  I’m going to continue to fight it because although I may feel like I’m 16, I certainly don’t look it and well, I’m a girly girl and I like to look pretty!  One day my health may dictate changes in my lifestyle or how I get around, but that doesn’t mean I have to have to have an “old” attitude towards myself or life.   I believe who I am and what I have to say is relevant, despite my lack of technical expertise and I’m going to keep talking about what I believe are relevant issues.  Age is truly just a number and I plan to keep adding those numbers as long as I can and hopefully change people’s ideas of what aging can and should mean.

 

Safety Dave is kind of an ironic moniker for our middle son.  Dave is the kid who christened every place we ever moved to with blood.  He fell down the basement stairs as a toddler, stepped on a butter knife in a sandbox which went through the bottom of his foot, fell into the pit in the living room, just to name a few.  As he’s gotten older, he tends to break things – like bones for instance.  So, for a kid we nicknamed Safety Dave, he may not sound so safe.  No, Dave was and still is the “safety” guy, making sure doors are locked, seatbelts are on, dad isn’t driving while talking on the cell phone, and oh, mom and dad are home from a date at a reasonable time or he calls us.  Sweet and yet slightly annoying at the same time.  He’s actually locked me out of the house, once on the balcony of our apartment when he locked the door and went to his room where he couldn’t hear me knocking to get back in.  We’ve had a little talk since then.

Dave is one of those people always concerned about what MIGHT happen and he wants to do whatever he can to keep whatever it is from happening.  It gives him a feeling of security, but it also keeps him from taking risks.  He is a creature of habit, with routines and rituals that he is familiar with and that make him feel safe.  And he wants to extend that to others he cares about which is not a bad thing.  Are you one of those people who is afraid of what might happen if you step away from the familiar?

I have set up a little bird habitat on the balcony this year, originally because I was trying to keep these birds from tearing out all of the lining in my flower boxes.  So I have a bird feeder and water set out.  It’s actually worked pretty well for the pretty little finches who come to the balcony.  The robins and cardinals haven’t gotten the message yet, but I’ll just have to keep shooing them away.  Anyway, it’s given me a chance to just sit and watch the birds as they come to visit.  They all have the same routine; they fly onto the railing and look around for awhile, then they will fly to the feeder’s edge and look around for a little longer.  When they feel safe, they’ll jump into the feeder or in the water and have at it.  Same thing all day, every day.  Never trusting, always wary, but willing to go for it after they’ve made sure it’s ok.  Except for this one little guy who comes up to the window, looks in and walks around before he goes up to eat.  A little renegade who is willing to take a bit of a risk before joining his little friends.  Are you the cautious person who makes sure everything is lined up just right before you jump in, or are you the curious one checking out the unknown – still close to safety, but stepping out just a little bit?

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering where we’re going with this, but even I’m not sure because it’s not finished yet : )  Remember, these are “musings” – maybe it won’t go anywhere!  So, here’s the last thought.  While I was watching those birds today and eating lunch, I also had on Gilmore Girls (one of my favorites).  In this particular scene, college student Rory is doing a story on a secret group at school, and in this particular group are great risk takers.  She finds a way to join them to see what it’s all about and finds herself asked to join in on the activity.  The activity happens to be jumping off of a seven story scaffolding, while holding an umbrella attached to a harness of some kind.  She initially says no to this insanity, but is convinced by a friend to do it so that she can, for a moment, experience something exhilarating and life changing.  Taking a risk doing something that most people would think is crazy without overthinking it.  Something that a Safety Dave would never consider, something the bird would have to check out and analyze completely before diving in.  Well she does it and loves it and the result of this craziness is that Rory starts to question how she looks at life – is she too sheltered, too careful?  Is she experiencing all life has to offer or is she just settling because of  certain expectations or fear of the unknown?

I don’t know if I have any real conclusions here.  I believe some people just are the way they are, like those who have the “extreme gene”.  I believe there are those who do just fine going through life very carefully, doing the safe things.  Those are the people who think ahead and can warn us of possible issues or hazards in our paths.  And then there are those who for whatever reason, anxiety or other issues,  are just afraid.  Are we stuck with those personality traits or can we change?  If my life is any example at all, I believe with support from people who love us and being willing to take baby steps, we can get away from those things we’re afraid of and take more chances to experience more that life has to offer.  Life is too short not to try!

 

 

 

The other day I posted on Facebook that we moved to Lincoln, Nebraska 17 years ago.  Some of my friends know the story, but I want to share because sometimes the most obvious, logical way is not necessarily the road to follow.

Doug and I have always been “fly by the seat of our pants” kind of people.  Yes, I’m a list maker and a calendar keeper (more like three of them), but when it comes to making decisions, some of them major, we tend to go with our gut.  Such was the case when moving from Cincinnati to Lincoln.  Doug had decided it was time to go back to school after 20 years of teaching and so now was the time to choose where.  It came down to two GTA offers; Wright State University just up the road, or the University of Nebraska.  Distance wise,  the logical choice was Wright State, but we took the chance and flew to Nebraska to check it out and it just “felt” right.  We talked about all the issues with logistics – finding a new job for me with insurance to take care of everyone while he was going to school, finding affordable housing and good places for the boys to go to school.  Loading up 20 years worth of married life in a truck and driving 800 miles from home and family.  So then we visited Wright State.

At Wright State, we could conceivably have Doug drive to campus, I could stay in my job and the boys could stay in their schools.  On paper it made more sense.  But as Doug and I were walking back to the car after the visit, we looked at each other and said it didn’t “feel” right.  So we chose Nebraska.

Finding a job for me was the next hurdle.  I had contacted all the local schools I could find, interviewed at the district I am in now and nothing happened.  In order for this to work, I HAD to have a full time job.  Well, in God’s perfect timing, I happened to be introduced to someone, who happened to know of a job opening and she called her principal to recommended me.  She didn’t know me from Adam at that point.  The bad thing was, we were scheduled to fly home the next day.  The good news was, I had a message on my answering machine that the principal wanted an interview.  The bad news was I would need to find money to fly back to Lincoln right away.  The good news was that my principal called me into her office to tell me that we had made extra money on the musical I had done that spring and she was giving it to me.  Just enough for the airfare.  If that’s not a God thing I don’t know what is.  Anyway, long story short, I interviewed, prayed he would give me the job and he offered it to me on the spot.  Remember, it just “felt” right.

Great friends and some of Doug’s high school students showed up the morning of the move and they worked all day loading that truck and loading the conversion van and getting my car, stuffed with a ton of our clothes, up on the trailer behind the truck.  We left much later than we planned, but we were determined to go ahead and drive to our first destination anyway, even if it meant driving into the wee hours because we wanted to arrive in Lincoln on schedule.  And then the disasters began.

We were partially around the beltway when the first disaster happened.  Somehow the brakes had locked on the trailer and had begun to rub together to the point where it caught fire.  I had two of the boys with me in the conversion van and Doug had one with him riding in the truck.  As they realized they had a fire on their hands, they pulled over and started pouring bottled water over it.  I think they eventually discovered a fire extinguisher and the fire was out.  However, we hadn’t even left the city, and by the time he got someone to help with the trailer it was much to late to get out that night and we had already turned over our house keys, so we found a hotel and stayed the night.

The next day we had to wait for a while for the company to bring another trailer to switch out for the first one and the hotel was kind enough to let us hang around.  In the meantime however, the skies darkened, the wind began to blow and the heavens opened.  The hotel asked everyone to go the bottom level of the hotel and we stood looking at the entrance doors of the hotel as they struggled to stay closed and the wind blew sideways. The tornado was just a few miles away and all I could think of was that everything we owned in the world was out in that parking lot.  First a fire,then a tornado.  Was someone trying to tell use something?  If so, it was a little late now!

Thankfully the rest of the trip was uneventful and we pulled into the little rental home we had found.  Now, I’m sure you’re wondering about the ghost part, right?  Well, that lovely little home is haunted (footsteps in an empty upstairs all the time – I’m not kidding), but it served us very well, with landlords who were willing to allow us to work on the house in lieu of some rent.  Another God thing.

Seventeen years later, we’re still here and we’re blessed to call this town home.  We’ve met some amazing people and had some wonderful opportunities.  Just think what we would have missed out on if we had been completely logical and not gone with our gut?  Sometimes the fires, tornadoes and ghosts in our lives are there to see if your resolve is strong enough.  I’m glad ours was.

A couple of years ago I purchased a book entitled “The Art of Extreme Self Care” by Cheryl Richardson.  I bought it because I always felt tired, I was burned out, sad and well, just a pain to live with I’m sure, and I knew something needed to change.  Like a lot of women, we tend to give and give to our families, our work, our church, and very worthwhile outside interests but very seldom feed ourselves.  The book is very practical in that it gives you a new area to work on monthly, helping you to consider and plan to achieve personal goals within each area – a way to balance your life. Well, I like a good plan as well as anybody, so I started reading and became very inspired.  I could do this!  I could work on saying “no” to things I didn’t really need to do, (some of you are laughing right now), I could work on getting more routine in my life, maybe delegate more, and change up my living space (The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up was great for that!).

As I progressed through the book, however, things became harder and less tangible.  Some of these chapter titles were “You’re So Sensitive”, “Tune Up Time” and “Does That Anger Taste Good?”.  As I’ve read friend’s responses to other blogs I’ve written, I’m getting the feeling that some of these things may apply to you as well.  So, I hope you will indulge me as I share why these were so difficult and what I’ve been able to do so far to address them.

There is a valid reason why they tell you on flights that if the airbag drops down, you should take care of yourself first so that you can then take care of others.  It’s absolutely logical and I would never fight it.  But when it came to my life in general, I didn’t do that.  So let’s address my three hardest chapters, starting with Sensitivity.  I had been told my entire formative years that I was too sensitive.  I cried all the time about everything;, stories, movies, friendships, you name it.  And I would either get laughed at or reprimanded.  “Stop being so sensitive” is difficult when combined with physical and emotional abuse. So, what you do is stuff things in.  Sadness, fear, anger, all of it gets stuffed in so that you can appear to be what someone else wants you to be.  And when that’s recognized as being a positive thing, I mean, after all, nobody should ever air their dirty laundry in public, you display that mask to all of your other relationships.  Seriously, nobody REALLY wants to hear how you are when they ask, right?  For me, this led to a LOT of deep down anger which for years seemed to explode at the worst times at the people I cared about the most.  Which leads to thinking you’re a bad person. Which then increases your depression which Lord knows you shouldn’t have in the first place because life is pretty good, right?  Look at all those poor people out there who have it so much rougher – THEY should be depressed, not you.  So, I added guilt to the list and just kept stuffing and self loathing until I hit that WALL.

Which now leads me to “tune up” time.  When you’re depressed, the last thing you want to do is see anyone about it. I didn’t care if I ever saw a doctor again quite frankly.   So I hit the wall – well actually  several times, but the first one was when I sat on the bathroom floor looking at sleeping pills.  The second one was when my husband and I shared that experience with my pastor and his wife who actually listened to and believed my childhood stories.  The last one was fairly recently, when I found myself crying all the time and I couldn’t function, so I sucked it up and asked for help.  And I got it.  Without judgement, where someone actually listened and believed there was a problem and started me on a plan that has begun to change my life.  And what happens then is that you begin to want to live for a while longer because there ARE things you still want to experience and accomplish, grandchildren you want to meet someday, and developing those deeper relationships with family and friends.

And so this summer, for the first time in many years, I worked through the fear of finding a doctor and taking some care of myself not only mentally but physically.  I don’t believe the physical part would have been possible without having addressed the mental first.  I would still be living through that same cycle I had been living for decades and now finally there are windows of  hope and joy in my life.

I believe with my whole heart that God allows things to happen in our lives that we can learn from and in turn, help others with.  Taking that first fearful step with people I trusted has begun to turn my life around.  So, the next time I ask you how things are going, don’t be afraid to tell me the truth and maybe I can do something to help.  Maybe more of us should start airing our dirty laundry –  what do you think?

 

If there is such a thing as left brain/right brain thinking, I am definitely all right brain.  Things like math and numbers in general don’t come easily to me and quite frankly I consider them a necessary evil.  For my degree program, I never had to take a math class (I tested out of it, believe it or not) and I focused on the humanities side of things – psychology, sociology, philosophy.  Those things that I believe really help in terms of understanding people, and most importantly for me, young people.

Imagine my shock and horror when I begin to realize that we are reducing everything related to educating children to numbers!  Not that all numbers are bad of course, as they can keep us informed of progress made or not made, which is obviously important in education, but I’m talking about numbers being used in place of great teacher preparation,  good old fashioned instincts and most importantly, getting to know our students as people.  Now, I’m not an expert by any means here and some of these may not be exact, but let me just share some observations from my right brain point of view.

In my state it costs @$12,000 to educate one child per year.  So, if I’m calculating correctly, with @380 students at my school only, it costs $4,560,000 per year.  I understand that this includes many things; teacher salaries and benefits, equipment, technology, building, maintenance, administration, etc. but it does boggle the mind.  Legislators and educators think long and hard as to what it costs to educate a child.  However, in New York it’s closer to $20,000 per child and in Utah it’s only $6500.  Yes, cost of living and everything comes into play here and other things I know I’m not considering, but is the child in Utah getting $13,500 less education than the child in New York?  Just asking.

But let’s not focus on numbers strictly in monetary terms, and here’s where I might get some kick-back from some of my younger colleagues who have known nothing except depending on the numbers.  In terms of improving classroom management, we no longer think in terms of consequences matching actions, therefore leaving out any room for creativity and real lesson learning.  What we do is keep track of numbers.  How many times is a child in a safe seat, in which classes, at what time of day and for what reasons?  Then we have to analyze the data; does the child act up more before lunch because the student is getting hungry, or after lunch because they are getting sleepy?  Is it because they don’t like the teacher or struggle with the subject? And we have to keep track of the ratio in terms of giving positive reinforcement to negative.  Is constructive criticism considered negative?  If it’s approached the right way and is conveyed as a method to improve oneself, couldn’t it be construed as positive?  And there are levels for everything as in Tiers 1, 2 and 3.  How many kids should be in each tier?  How many kids in a classroom is the best for learning at what age?  How many minutes should they have of math and reading as compared to everything else?  How many minutes of recess do we let them have in order to get in all the minutes of math and reading that are required?

We use numbers to set goals for children.  Pursue a higher quiz score here, complete a certain number of papers there.  High school students achieving a certain magical number on their ACT/SAT.  Achievement test information is all conveyed through numbers – percentiles to see just how this kid measures up to all other kids in different academic areas.  Graduation rates are all numbers so let’s compare how high our district rates are to others.  Is the graduation rate or test score any real indication of how well they’ll do in college, trade school or life in general or is it just something to mark off of the list for academia?

Numbers allow us to reduce our students and their families to clients.  As teachers I feel we’ve been reduced to working on a scripted assembly line to produce a promised product by following the numbers from our research based educational system.  Again, I want to say that all numbers aren’t bad, but when it is all we use to evaluate how well a child is progressing as an educated human being I have some issues with that.  And I’m all about fairness in our system, but fair does not mean equal, and numbers can restrict our kids to receiving equal treatment but not necessarily fair.

I want to understand the “why” a student is struggling just as much as any other teacher,  but I want to do it through thoughtful observation, by getting to know the child and asking questions; by encouraging them to trust me enough to ask ME questions and to talk about their struggles.  Thinking more qualitative than quantitative. Then we can work together to progress to not only where this individual child is meant to be but who they are meant to be.  After all, they are not numbers.  They are my “kids”, not my clients.

My dream is that every child has equal access to a well rounded education where we can measure individual progress and not always compare that progress to others in the name of accountability.  Where we measure EQ as well as IQ. Where we spend time helping them learn to be cooperative, collaborative and creative using their strengths, not just academically but as human beings, beyond the numbers.