So, there we were, doing our monthly Sam’s Club run to stock up the pantry and it happened.  I had been in control all summer, not really thinking about it but it hit like a ton of bricks.  There in front of me were huge displays of school supplies!!!! And I got those B.O.Y. butterflies just thinking about all the newness to come.  In terms of my profession, the Beginning Of the Year is my favorite time of year.  It was always my favorite time as a student and now as a teacher, I’ve had a break to learn and recharge and I am ready to go again.  Don’t get me wrong, like all teachers, I work hard and at the end of the year I’m exhausted.  I NEED the break.  But here I am, a month away from the first meetings of the school year and I’m drooling over school supplies.

Teaching is a unique profession in that each year we essentially get to start fresh. We walk into an environment where everything has been cleaned and polished over the summer, walls have been painted, floors have been waxed and carpets have been scrubbed.  Where else do you get to take a room and decorate it in such as way that it welcomes, engages and invites learning every day?  The effort shows our students that we care about them and the environment where learning takes place.  It’s a lot like something my pastor talked about when you invite guests over for convivium.  You set out your nicest dinnerware, you provide a wonderful meal and you take time for great conversation with your guests.  It lets them know how important they are in your life. Even though our students may be returning to the same school, it’s a new teacher at a new grade level with maybe new classmates.  It’s essential to make them feel welcomed and important and preparing the room is a big part of that.

But, the beginning of the year is also great for teachers.  It’s an opportunity to take what you’ve done before, get rid of those things that didn’t work as well as you hoped and institute new things that will instill the love for learning in those students.  New methods of teaching and learning, of assessing, and classroom management are encouraged, all in the name of making things better for students.  My students love it when I come back from conferences and workshops and tell them they are going to be my “guinea pigs”.  They know this means that it’s something new and we’re all going to work to learn and do something different.  It’s a fun, exciting collaboration, not as much a teacher/student relationship as it is a facilitator/explorer relationship.

In the Christian faith, God is sometimes referred to as the God of second chances. I know that if I ask forgiveness for things or thoughts that are not what He intended and work to change my lifestyle, he will forgive and give me that “second chance”.  Thank goodness, because I’m not anywhere close to being perfect! I look at the beginning of the year in much the same way.  It is a time to change how I do things for the better.  It’s a time to get to know my students better, to build more meaningful relationships, to make it all about them and not about me.  It’s a time to work on my personal behaviors, to be more proactive, more patient, and better prepared.  There’s always more we can do to improve ourselves and I’m fortunate to be in a profession that allows me to do that in such a tangible way.

So in a couple of weeks (because I won’t be able to wait any longer), I’ll start spending time at school getting ready for my 27th year of teaching.  I’m excited to start some world drumming, focusing more on diversity and inclusion, and putting into practice some new ideas to help my students feel more a part of the school community.  I’m looking forward to collaborating with a new art colleague and teaming with all the specialists.  I’m looking forward to getting input from my students to see what they would like to learn about music in addition to those prescribed by my district.  Oh and yes, I’m excited to buy all those fresh new school supplies!

 

 

Like many Americans I sat outside on my deck last night and watched a ton of fireworks  – for HOURS.  They began just before dusk and continued until after midnight.  And last night wasn’t the only night.  July 3rd was just as “boomy” as July 4th.  While we have a very nice city-wide fireworks display every year, fireworks stands throughout the city sell to the public for two solid days.  I was reading that the average stand can sell around $60,000 worth of fireworks.  So that begs the question, how much as a nation do we spend on things we’re going to blow up on our neighborhood streets?

Last year, $1.06 BILLION was spent on fireworks.  That’s BILLION with a “B”.  Of that, $340 million was spent for commercial fireworks displays which leaves a staggering $755 million spent by our neighbors.  $755,000,000 spent to blow things up, keep our neighbors awake, scare our pets and traumatize some of our veterans.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE fireworks – they’re beautiful and help us to celebrate a wonderful holiday.  But what if we just attended our city-wide celebrations instead and didn’t blow up $755 million of our own money.  What else could we use that money for?

Aside from just popping that money into the bank or paying off bills, if you’re going to spend that money anyway, why not spend it on something worthwhile.  Since I’m in music education, let me run a few options by you:

• Did you know the average teacher spends $500 of his/her own money on supplies for their classroom?  So, with @3.5 million public and private school teachers in the U.S., imagine if we used our sparkler money for them?  That would end up being $215 per teacher.  Every little bit helps!
• My local backpack program for children with our city foodbank takes care of 3500 children who deal with “food insecurity”, meaning they don’t know where their next meal is coming from.   While that sounds great, the reality is there are over 20,000 children who need this help, just in my community.  There are 13 million nationwide. It takes $250 to take care of one child per year.  What we spend on fireworks could take care of 3 million of those kids for a year.
• How about taking that money and creating a yearly scholarship for needy, well deserving students?  Shoot, get together with your neighbors and create an endowment!
• Does your local school district have a foundation to raise money?  There are many worthwhile causes to contribute to.  Pick something that strikes a chord with you and give! (Got it?  Chord, music….?)  I know a lot of music educators who would really appreciate it for their students!
• Find a worthy music foundation that provides instruments and supplies to needy music education programs across the country.  The Give-A-Note Foundation is one of my favorites.

I’m sure there are a lot more ideas out there of things we all could do to benefit others in our community and not just blow up our money each year.  Now, let’s talk about that $1 billion we spend as a nation for the 4th of July on beer…. : )

Patriotic music moves me and fills me with pride to be an American.  There is nothing more moving to me than military service songs.  Every year, the Cornhusker Band performs the Armed Forces Salute during a pregame which recognizes all of the branches of the military.  I have the hardest time not crying, especially as those who serve and have served stand to be recognized. My father was career Air Force and that is where he met my mother.  His brother was a military pilot and my cousin graduated from the Air Force Academy.  I grew up being proud of what my dad and his family did and I was raised to respect the military, the flag and our country.

The 4th of July has always been a time to celebrate the fact that we live in this wonderful country.  Concerts, parades, family get-togethers and fireworks have always been a part of that celebration.  There’s nothing like hearing live music play while sitting outside and watching fireworks.  The best firework display I ever saw was when we lived in Ohio.  The local fire department really wanted the high school band to march in the July 4th  parade, but it’s difficult to get students together in July, especially on a holiday.  So my husband, the band director, was promised we would have primo seats for the fireworks if he could kids to march in the parade.  And primo they were!  We stood with the firemen as they shot off the fireworks and they exploded right over our heads!  There were no fireworks in the sky, the sky WAS fireworks.  It was a little disconcerting to see firemen get excited about blowing things up, but what can you do? : )

Then 9/11 happened.  My oldest son was a senior in high school and spent the day watching the events unfold at school.  He made the decision to serve his country by joining the Army National Guard after high school, where he trained as a communications specialist and then as a paratrooper.  And then he was deployed to Afghanistan.  While he hasn’t shared all of his experiences over there, he returned with hearing issues, knee problems and PTSD.  He has actually retired from the guard, but there are residual affects; when out in public, he needs to be able to see an entrance, and can’t have his back to it.  He has difficulty sleeping and has nightmares.  And, loud noises send him into a panic.  Here we have a young man who patriotically served his country and he has to hide in his apartment from the very fireworks we use to celebrate.  It makes me love fireworks just a bit less because my son can no longer enjoy them.  I am hoping that one day in the future he will learn to enjoy them again.

I certainly don’t want to put a damper on your celebrations, but if you could this year, as you celebrate tonight and tomorrow, please remember our veterans and what they have experienced in order for you to celebrate this holiday.  Happy Independence Day.

The end of the National Assembly brings many mixed feelings, but this year, especially so.  Yes, as I mentioned in earlier blogs, there were many things that got my brain moving. I learned SO much, met great new people, heard wonderful music, ate too much food.  I will miss this (until next year of course), but am ready to go home.  But a few things happened today which, even after 26 years of teaching, have challenged me for the school year to come.

While the assembly is geared to the big picture of a national and state by state effort for music education in general, many of the things we talked about this week had to do with diversity and inclusion.  I have heard these terms for some time, in fact, like everything else we’ve reduced it to an acronym; D&I.  I didn’t know that until someone mentioned it in our division meeting.  And for a long time now, for me personally, it’s been just that.  Terminology that describes initiatives we should be undertaking for kids.  As an elementary general music teacher, I see every kid in the school, and it’s what I sometimes refer to as assembly line teaching.  All day long, a class arrives, I teach.  They leave, another arrives, I teach.  Whoever walks into my room, that’s who I teach.  I know classes by personalities, but not always by individuals.  Sure, some kids really stand out for one reason or another, but it’s hard to get to know that many kids individually.

This afternoon, I heard a speaker from Yale talk about the Yale Symposium.  He shared the fact that 85% of immigrants to the United States move into large cities along with other statistics.  Like any researcher, he had many facts and figures and shared how music could change the lives of kids.  Well, this I know from experience.  But as he shared a personal story of one of the students he worked with, a young boy who was playing french horn, he had to stop for a moment because he became emotional.  Seems that this kid was so engaged in music that he had been willing to walk to and from classes,  two miles each way, in all kinds of weather.  The boy lived with his single mother, who worked several jobs, and was gone a lot.  The researcher discovered this when he offered the boy a ride home, even though the boy said it was “close”.  Also during the ride, he asked what the boy wanted to do when he went to college – and this is where he broke for a moment.  The boy’s face lit up and he said “I want to be in music”.  Music brought meaning and purpose to his life and he was willing to persevere in the face of difficult circumstances.  What would happen if we were able to bring music to more kids like him, to give them purpose as well?

At the end of the day, we were asked to watch several difficult videos, all about different kids.  One was a refugee, one child was abused and placed in foster care, one was transgender.  The stories were told from the child’s point of view.  I wish I had written down the percentages, but the number of kids who are dealing with major issues in their lives was staggering.  And the rate of middle school suicides was beyond tragic. I have the fortune to teach in a lovely little school of almost 400 kids, where everything seems really clean and “suburbia”.  But if the percentages are correct, there a lot of kids in that lovely little school really struggling who maybe can’t verbalize it, are afraid to or just don’t trust adults.

So, while I’m doing this assembly line teaching, is there someone in my class who’s silently screaming and I’m just not noticing because I’m too busy making sure I cover all of my essential learning outcomes?  I’ve learned classroom management to the point that very seldom do I reveal my impatience with certain behaviors.  But should I perhaps make it a point to find out what gets this kid excited about music and build that relationship with him/her instead of just sending them off to the counselor or SPED teacher?  And it’s not just those kids who have that wonderful knack for disturbing the entire class, it’s also those kids who want to please, the ones who are screaming for someone to pay attention to them.  The ones who hug on you a little too long at the beginning of class when you just need to get class started.

My vision this year is to see my classroom as a mission field.  I need to listen to those kids, pay attention, LOVE them more.  Start with them right where they are and help them to grow – through music.  I have seen wonderful things happen to kids in my classes, but has it been enough?  Have I been zealous enough in this missionary work or am I ignoring those kids who are just too much to deal with?  I know music helped save me.  Now it’s my turn to make sure it saves others.

 

Solitude.  I used to HATE solitude.  I usually felt alone and lonely, especially when I was younger.  If I wasn’t doing something with someone all the time I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I still have some difficulty with that even now – the part about doing something all the time, at least.  But in the last couple of years, I’ve learned to appreciate the time alone.  I’m learning that it takes practice to get better at solitude.

This week has been a lesson in seeking solitude. From the time I go down to join my colleagues for breakfast until the time I go to my room for the evening, except for one or two very short breaks, I am with people.  Hundreds of people.  Networking, brainstorming, discussing, debating, thinking.  I really love it.  It energizes me, gets me excited to try new things, inspires me.  It also drains me.  I began to realize, especially in my teaching, that if I didn’t spend some time by myself during the day, I was more tired, grumpy and lacked patience.  So, one of the things I started to do was have lunch in my room by myself. Now, when you’re working in a school, especially with friends, I know it looks really anti-social not to go hang out with the colleagues in the teacher’s lounge.  But the truth is, I needed that time, that quiet, that solitude to recharge my batteries. I’ve also let my colleagues know that it’s not them.  It’s me : )

Traveling with colleagues is also interesting.  I LOVE doing it, but too much of a good thing is not good for me.  So I started carving out time for myself to be alone during trips when I could.  I think my friends understand now that I don’t just want to get away from them; I NEED to be alone once in a while.

In my day job, I spend hours with lots of kids.  And it’s not just during school hours.  In my case, there is a before and after school care and where do they hang out?  In the halls and rooms beside mine.  So, hanging out to work, even if I’m alone in the room is never really solitude.  Too much noise!  And I’m a music teacher – you would think I’m used to noise!  So one of the first things I’ve learned to do is to appreciate the quiet.  I’m talking about the kind of quiet where the silence fills your ears.  Does that make sense?  I remember laying on the floor of a new place when we were first moving in.  Everyone was gone, going on a second trip to get more stuff and it was just me and the room.  Just silence.  It was wonderful.  Now I make a conscious effort to create silence for myself for periods of time.  I don’t always play music in my car.  I go to school to work on the weekends and work in silence.  It clears my head and allows me to think and create.

Several years ago, I took the Gallup Strengths Finder.  My top five themes were Deliberative, Learner, Ideation, Individualization and Input.  That basically means that I like to do a lot of thinking and learning.  And I used to think that meant that I would need to do those things all the time.  But a very kind person, Curt Liesveld, took time to meet with me one afternoon to look at my results. What he told me changed how I look at myself.  He told me that because of my strengths,  I needed to carve out time to be by myself and just think.  Daily.  Difficult to do.  In a way, that’s what this blog does for me.  Only I get to share my thoughts with others – in solitude.

 

 

Bright and early this morning, our Nebraska group and friends from another state were up and on the Metro to head to the Capitol for Hill Day.  Seeing as it was the morning rush, it was pretty full, so I made the choice to stand.  You should understand, that most of the time when I do this type of conference/assembly, I am with mostly men.  These men are my colleagues, mentors and friends and we know each other well.  So it’s very comfortable being with them and I never feel as though they look down on me as a woman or leave me out of things.  However, these guys are also the epitome of the “old-fashioned” perfect gentlemen.  They open doors for me, get or pull out chairs for me, allow me to go first, etc.  So it was apparently difficult for them to see me standing.  One was scanning the car for an empty seat.  There was one farther away from the group, but I wanted to hang with them so I said no.  Several offered to give me their seat, but they were there first, so that didn’t seem to make any sense to me and I was just fine standing.  Even a gentleman I didn’t know checked with me to see if I wanted his seat.  Eventually a closer seat opened up and it was brought to my attention by my friend and I sat down.

I consider myself to be a feminist.  I believe in equality in terms of jobs and pay.  I believe a woman has a right to choose what she wants to do with her life, whether its to have a career or be a stay at home mom.  After all, that’s what women fought for in the 70’s, right?  I really HATE when some man patronizes me like I’m some little mindless woman.  And it happens.  I believe women, including myself of course, can do anything we set our minds to.

But here is where some feminists might disagree with me.  I LIKE that these gentlemen treat me like a lady.  It’s not that I can’t open my own door or find my own chair.  These guys show kindness and I am grateful for it.  But does that mean I’m not really a feminist?

The night before Hill Day, we attended an orientation to get us prepped.  It was a man addressing us, very articulate and well informed.  He was able to give us information and run through logistics with us in what I thought was a very professional but friendly manner. After it was over, I ran into a fellow colleague from another state (a woman), and she indignantly shared, “did you hear him?  He called us all “you guys” 55 times during his talk”.  I didn’t even notice and I certainly didn’t count.   (I might count “ums” or “like”) And maybe he’s from the midwest where “you guys” seems to be the thing to say – like “all ya’ll in the south.  Have we as women gotten too sensitive about these little details, or are these things that need to change?  Are we focusing too much on minutia and not enough on real issues?  For instance, we visited a particular Senator today and outside her office was a group of pictures of all the Senators who had served from her district.  She was the first and only woman.  On our state music education association board, I was only the third woman to be elected president in it’s now 80 year history. THIS is the kind of thing we need to be making a noise about, not whether someone includes me in “you guys”.

I honestly believe that feminism should be defined by women, but sometimes women are our own harshest critics.  Wasn’t the movement created so that women could be and do ANYTHING they wanted?  Why does my personal view of feminism have to be the same as another woman?  Ladies, let’s face it.  Men can get overwhelmed easily by us anyway.  If a man is showing us kindness in his way, why not just say thank you and get over it?  And maybe next time, we can open the door for him.

For those of you have have traveled to conferences or eaten at banquets, you know something about what to expect in terms of hotel food.  Whether it’s a buffet or a plated dinner, you can almost guarantee that there will be chicken on the menu.  I guess they assume it’s a safe choice – everyone likes chicken, right?  It’s amazing to me how many different sauces they can use to cover the same chicken.  First lunch on day one we were offered chicken marsala or salmon AND caesar salad.  Now, this particular lunch had an Italian sort of theme, so this worked for me.  And I’m not a big seafood eater – check out my blog about square fish and you’ll understand. That evening we were served – you guessed it – chicken with some kind tomato topping.  And caesar salad.  On day two, I hoped for some variety, but again it was chicken with some kind of white wine sauce or salmon and… you guessed it, caesar salad.  Pretty sure it made us all grateful for the great steak and garden salad served for dinner tonight!

The other big thing on the menu for every meal has been potatoes.  We’ve had them homestyle, in wedges, mashed and in the form of hash browns.  Bread of some sort is served EVERY meal.  Oh, and I did I mention that they bring in goodies about an hour after lunch?  While there is also fresh fruit, who in their right mind is going to have an apple when you could have a chocolate chip cookie?  Oh, and that’s after you’ve had a choice of desserts WITH lunch.  And after dinner.  Is there any doubt as to why I can’t wear my clothes by the end of the week?

Mind you, I’m not complaining here.  The food is good, there’s plenty of it, I don’t have to cook, serve or clean up after it.  Someone else has taken the time to choose the menus and it’s being given to us.  It’s a wonderful thing.  I’m sure it’s a little like going on a cruise ship.  Except instead of playing shuffleboard or taking in a show, we’re brainstorming and wordsmithing.  Maybe not the best of analogies, but you get the point.

I really had the best of intentions when I came this year.  Less diet coke, more water.  More fruit and veggies and less bread and potatoes.  Only dessert at dinner, not both lunch AND dinner.  Well, that lasted about a day.  The second diet coke was needed to get through the afternoon and seriously, when did sprouts become a vegetable?  And I’m sorry, it’s just awkward to be crunching on an apple sitting in a meeting all dressed up while people are talking.  Totally justified my quiet cookie instead.

Tomorrow we look forward to a 6:00 a.m. continental breakfast and the opportunity to choose what I’m going to eat in the Senate cafeteria.  Then we’ll see if there’s chicken and caesar salad on the buffet line for dinner again tomorrow.

Day:  I LOVE being a part of this executive board. There is nothing as powerful or exciting as a room full of highly intelligent people who believe in a common goal.  There’s also nothing more time consuming as that same room of intelligent people wordsmithing a sentence .  The problem with people who love words is that they can’t use just any old word.  Does the sentence or question really convey what we’re trying to say or ask?  I personally LOVE to wordsmith, but there are some people in my life, and I imagine in yours, who hate it (not naming names here).  But again, if words are powerful, then we must be careful how we use them so as not to be misunderstood. And the idea of forming a question to get the answer we’re seeking as compared to open ended questions just to see what we get is fascinating.  The slightest change in the wording can do that.  It makes us clarify what it is we really want from a statement or question – the WHY, if you will.

On the plane yesterday, I heard a toddler talking to his mom.  Probably the question I heard most was “Why?”.  Especially when the child was told he would have to wait to use the lavatory until the plane landed.  I hope he made it. Anyway, how many times have we answered a child’s “why” with something like “because I said so” or “just because”?.  I know that sometimes answering  all of those “why” questions takes time and we feel like we have to give long, detailed answers.  But does just cutting them off at a young age dissuade them from asking it as they get older?  Sometimes asking “why” may sound like it’s questioning someone’s authority or intelligence (and maybe you are!).  It certainly doesn’t have to.  It could be the opening to a great debate/discussion that could lead to other conclusions, new ideas or merely clarify an issue.

In reading Simon Sinek’s book “Start with Why”, I discovered that all organizations know what they do, and how they do it, but very few understand “why” they do it.  What is it in their beliefs or philosophy that inspires them to make a product or support a particular cause?  Questioning “why” can certainly hone our message and speak more personally to others, perhaps igniting their passions or inspiring them to join our cause.  How would that work for the organization I’m a part of?  Pretty sure we’ll talk about that tomorrow: )

Evening.  Being the introvert I am, meetings are easy.  I am in control of what I contribute, pretty much when I want to contribute.  I really like listening to everything first before I form an opinion and/or contribute to the conversation and so I may appear stand-offish, although I don’t mean to.  Tonight however took me out of my comfort zone with a group of ladies, a couple of whom I didn’t know very well, but feel I know better now.  There’s nothing like taking off your “face” to get honest with someone.  For women (from my point of view), make up is that stuff that hides your perceived flaws, hides those things you don’t want others to see.  You can portray yourself the way want with make up and pretend those flaws aren’t just underneath the surface.  For some of us it’s a scary thing to expose our real self, especially as we get older.  So tonight we received a kind invitation to get together, just some of the “girls”, to get facials.

The other thing this does for us, as it does for all crazy busy women, is allow us to take a little bit of time for ourselves.  This is a group of very passionate, driven women who want to make a difference in the world.  This doesn’t always involve taking care of ourselves.  But tonight, we shared wine and laughter and allowed ourselves to show our real faces.  What a great way to get to know each other better!  I’m going to love working with and getting to know these women as we work as a team to bring music to all.

 

 

 

This afternoon’s flight from Omaha to Washington D.C. was very full and very smooth.  I’m fortunate to have a great friend/colleague to ride to Omaha with and share the flight. A half hour late leaving, but early to arrive on a beautiful sunny day in our nation’s capital.  There is something so inspiring about seeing familiar monuments as you get ready to land, hovering over the Potomac right before you touch down on the runway.

Other friends, old and new are trickling in from all over the country.  We’re greeted with smiles and hugs by leaders from different divisions from across the country and I’m again reminded of what an honor it is to be included in this stellar group of people.  There’s familiarity in the location – my room is somehow again on the 7th floor, one of those funky shaped rooms in this tall, round hotel.  The little luxuries of traveling alone await me; a king-sized bed with four pillows to myself, a bathroom that I don’t have to share, a mini-fridge with only diet cokes, just for me!  (Don’t tell my husband! : )

Tomorrow morning begins five intense days of information, discussions, brainstorming and networking, all in the name of music education.  People representing everything from PreK-PhD, all types of ensembles, traditional and not so traditional, research, curriculum and so many more areas will be there.  It’s a nerd’s dream!  The payoff for long days is food -LOTS of food.  All day long. With desserts for both lunch and dinner.  It’s both a blessing and a curse as I hope I’ll be able to wear the clothes I brought with me towards the end of the week!

This will be my sixth year of participating in this event, four as a state leader and now my second as a division president-elect, and I’m just as excited to attend this year as I’ve been before.  The week will consist of two days of National Executive Board meetings, a day on Capital Hill to talk to all of our Nebraska senators and representatives and then two additional days meeting with state presidents from around the country to discuss how we as an organization can help teachers and their students in light of the Every Student Succeeds Act (ESSA), which includes music as a part of a well-rounded education.  This years focus on Capital Hill will be allocation of funds for Titles I, II and IV.  ESSA holds such promise for our nation’s children, but only if adequate funding is realized.  So convincing lawmakers of this will be a focus this week.

So assuming I don’t completely crash at the end of each day, the idea is to share the great and small of what happens during this week and hopefully it will inspire some of you to get involved in doing something in an area where you are most passionate.  Until tomorrow….

I. LOVE. HUMMINGBIRDS.  I have always had some kind of attraction to those beautiful little balls of energy who flit from place to place, their wings moving so fast you can barely see them.  I’m not even sure where it came from, other than I remember at a very young age calling dad’s mom “Hummingbird Grandma”.   When Doug and I were first married, we delivered newspapers in the wee hours of the morning and as we ran from house to house (we were VERY young), we called ourselves Bushman and Hummingbird.  So the nickname has stuck and everything from trivia names to user names have usually  included some form of the word hummingbird.

But living the life of a hummingbird was not so cool.  Let me explain.  I am married to a man who knew from the 5th grade that he wanted to be a band director.  His complete focus for the past 45+ years has been to be in band, go to college to become a band director and stay a band director.  Never a doubt, never a regret.  It’s what he loves – it’s his passion.

I on the other hand changed majors four times, attended four different colleges, dropping out once to work, and that was just undergrad.  In addition I have attended four different graduate schools and have yet to finish a degree, although I’m pretty sure I have enough credits to start a PhD at least.  It took me until I was 30 before I had the undergrad degree and by that time I had three kids and had been married for 10 years.  I have worked as an administrative assistant, in the trust department of a bank, as a church secretary, worship leader, t-shirt screen printer, donut maker, burger flipper, I’ve sold insurance, started my own temp business and been a substitute teacher.

Even after I finished my degree I taught in both public and parochial schools, K-8 general music, 5-12 choir, beginning band and marching band.  The only thing I never did was strings.  And you don’t want me to.  Just when I think I have something figured out, I get an itch to do something different.  I read about something new, or hear someone speak and it gets me inspired to do something new. I have difficulty staying in one place because I always want to see what else can happen or what’s next.

This is a problem because everything I’ve read says you must find your passion.  That ONE thing that gets you up in the morning, the thing that makes you lose track of time because you’re so focused on it.  I have NEVER had that feeling for any length of time.  Sure there are high points or mountain top experiences on occasion, but nothing that would get me up at 5:30 on a cold morning to do marching band like my husband does.  Every day.

So I read books, I watched TED talks, I took classes, all in the hopes that one day everything would click and I would find that ONE passion that would set me on my way.  But it never came.  I felt like a failure.  Would I always be settling for just doing something because I needed a job and hopefully retirement in the future?  And the older I got the more depressed I became.  What if this was it?  More and more I was hanging with marvelous, inspiring people who had that one passion, that one focus that guided their life to the point where they had reached the pinnacle in their profession.  They had the degrees, the prestige, the respect and they had earned it.  One day at a time, focused on that passion.  What was wrong with me?

And then I happened upon a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love.  I loved her book but again, it was about following her passion – writing.  She was one of those who talked about focus and diligence and working hard to find her passion.  And then someone talked to her about how they felt like a failure because no matter what they did, they couldn’t find their passion.  That was me!  Elizabeth took that and started observing friends who were successful and passionate, but had their hands in everything.  A little something here, and little something there.  Always searching, always curious, always learning.  Which lead to passion for whatever they were doing at the time.  She referred to them as hummingbirds, flitting from flower to flower, taking a little bit of sweetness from each.  Not everyone was a focused jackhammer, some people were hummingbirds.

In looking back on my life, I have such a variety of experiences that I can pull from many different things when problem solving, looking at something from a different point of view or just thinking in general.  I am not a failure, I am exactly who I was meant to me and it has gotten me to where I am – experiencing great adventures with great people and the adventures seem to just keep coming.   I’ve accepted being that hummingbird and I’m excited to see where my wings take me next.