The year is 1974, I’m either 14 or 15 years old and I’m sitting in my dad’s car in front of the A&P listening to the radio.  Dad ran in to get something and I had decided to just sit and wait.  It’s dark and the only light in the car is from the lights in the parking lot. As I’m listening to the Top 40, a song comes on I’ve never heard before.  There’s something about it that catches my heart and I immediately fall in love.  The song is Mandy by Barry Manilow.  Now before you start laughing, either because you now know I’m the biggest nerd ever or you’re old enough to remember this too, I want you to notice the details in the story.  Every time I hear the song, even today, I’m immediately transported to that same night.

Music as a whole has a high profile in our country.  Ratings for shows like The Voice, America’s Got Talent and American Idol are sky high because people like to hear the music.  People get together socially to attend concerts, participate in community groups and sing karaoke at their local watering holes.  Surveys reveal that a high percentage of parents believe that music education is important for their children.  Which always has me scratching my head as to why we as music educators have to struggle so hard to get our subject matter taken seriously.  But that’s fodder for another day.  The point is, music is so important to most of us that it accompanies us from the time we’re born until the time we die.

Think about it.  Some parents begin having their children listen to music in utero.  At the very least, we’re singing lullabies or providing toys that play music.  Children naturally move, react and make sounds to music.  We start our children with lessons and encourage them them to participate in school music.  We use music to reflect our ethnicity or culture, to get married to, to celebrate with, to honor our country and military, to worship through and to send us on our way at the end of our lives.

Let’s face it, even if you think you’re not a music enthusiast, imagine a baseball game without the seventh inning stretch, basketball without the pep band playing the fight song, or football without a halftime show.  Imagine no oldies to listen to in your garage while you work on your car or while you shop at the grocery store.  Music in movies helps to tell the story, and there’s nothing like some blues music playing while you eat your barbecue.  Even in nature music is created by the sounds of the birds, insects and animals around you.  Let’s face it, you wouldn’t be here if your heart wasn’t beating in rhythm.

But let’s make it personal.  Music can transport us to another time and place and elicit long forgotten memories and emotions.  It has the power to change your mood, to give you energy, to make you laugh and cry.  You can literally feel the bass in your chest. It lights up parts of your brain that nothing else can. We’re learning that patients with dementia may not remember much, but when you play the lyrics to a song they knew as a teenager, chances are they can sing along.  Music is important because music is a natural part of all of us.  It has nothing to do with talent, it has to do with a natural expression of who we are, the making of a “joyful noise”; it’s part of what makes us more human.

I’m not saying that music is more important than other academic subjects, but I am saying it is AS important and fulfills an essential part of the human experience.  It has the power to connect us and as disconnected as we all feel right now, that’s not a little thing. I would challenge you to just take a regular day and see how often you come into contact with music and really experience how it accompanies YOUR life.

Back in our college days, my husband and I were a part of a wonderful Christian music group.  When we got engaged, the people in this group threw us a great engagement shower, and the gifts consisted of cans of food to start our first pantry.  Only there was a catch – there were no labels on the cans.  So after we were married, meals became a sort of adventure.  Without a label, there were no preconceived notions and we had to open it up and really look to see what was inside.   Labels can be very helpful when we need information, but when we start to believe that all cans of peaches are the same just because they’re labeled as peaches, then we can miss out on the delightful (or not so delightful) differences between those peaches.

In our society we label how a person behaves, what they look like, their gender, their sexual preference, their political leanings, their economic and educational status, how they speak and where they’re from, and the list goes on and on.  And then we decide whether or not we agree with or like them based on the labels. The problem is that we tend to label by what we observe from the outside, but very seldom do we delve into who that person really is behind the label.  We can take one thing a person says or does and immediately throw a label on it, without understanding the “why” that person said or did it or the personal experience that brought them to their statement or action.  Then we proceed to presume all kinds of intentions based on that label.  And we start using additional derogatory words and labels to describe them because if they said or did these things, surely they’re kin to the devil.

To be honest, what REALLY hacks me off is when we label children in the educational world.  For a child especially, a label can be limiting or an excuse for them to continue the way they are.  It can stay with them their entire lives. And as educators, we do it with the best of intentions.  We do it to provide services for that child or to assist classroom teachers in how to “handle” the child’s issues so they can still learn.  Not to knock the professionals who are diagnosing these kids, but just let me give you an example of looking past the label.

I had a student a few years ago diagnosed and labeled ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  He had a habit of having temper tantrums, yelling and throwing things in class.  The usual procedure was to call and have someone else deal with him, but I happened to have a student teacher, so I got him to walk outside my room with me and sit down and talk.  He was so tense and he shared that he was just so angry and he didn’t know how to handle the anger.  I asked him why he thought he was so angry and he shared that people yelled and hit him all the time and he wasn’t allowed to hit back.  He had just built up so much anger.  I shared this with administration of course, but the other thing I did with him was first of all, stop judging him for the behavior and secondly, from personal experience, gave him some things that had helped me.  You see, the problem with labeling is that not everyone gets labeled correctly.  For me, the anger turned inward, for him it turned outward.  Because I did not exhibit the anger to others (I was a pleaser), everyone assumed I was just fine.  How many times do you think we mislabel people out of sheer ignorance?  It’s just easier to label things we see and not things or people we know.  Surely a person could never be more than their labels, right? And what about people who grow or mature and their labels evolve?  Do we allow people to change, or is it once labeled, always labeled?

Our culture/society is a complete mess today, I believe in large part due to the fact that  we have too many labels and not enough delving into what’s on the inside.  It’s going to be impossible to get along with anyone if all we do is look at their “labels” and immediately dismiss them because of one label or another that doesn’t agree with our labels.  The fact that we are all human beings with emotions and dreams should give us enough in common that we can celebrate our different labels as individuals.  I’m not suggesting that we have to agree with everyone here; even my own children have very different labels than my own and we still love each other for who we are.  It’s because we KNOW each other well.

I have a colleague whom I admire greatly (but respectfully disagree with in terms of our “labels”) who used very kind words to suggest that the reason he loved teachers was that we were so hopeful and perhaps a little naive in terms of the real world.  Well, in education we have a microcosm of the real world filled with labels that can either help us or hurt us.  So what do we do about these labels which don’t seem to be going away any time soon?  What is our intent when we share our labels with others?  Is it to show pride in who we are or is it to make others angry?  It’s the combination of those “labels” that makes each of us unique.  Let’s try to get past those labels and find the things we can all love inside.

Based on current labeling trends,  I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, mother-in-law, aunt, cousin, niece and friend; educator, musician, leader; military brat and mom, feminist, born again Christian, liberal, moderate or conservative depending on the issue and my passions, I am a married, heterosexual, white, college educated female.  I am middle class, middle-aged and overweight.  I am introverted by nature, extroverted when I need to be.  And probably so many more. But just like you and all those great kids I teach, I am so much more than my labels.

 

Have you ever gotten a gift card to a place like, say, Amazon?  And it’s not for a huge amount, but you have ALL of Amazon to shop from.  Do you get something you need or want?  Something just for you or for the house?  And the amount, no matter how much, is never quite enough for what you’ve been dreaming of.  And because gift cards don’t come very often, you want to make sure you use it wisely.  It’s torture.  And that pretty much sums up my summer vacations.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE summer.  Even when it’s 95 degrees, it’s SO much better than freezing my butt off during playground duty in January.  Things are beautifully green, the pool is open, it’s warm, even at night, and I have all this free time!!!  And that’s where the analogy begins.  What in the world do I do with all of this time?

I tend to be a workaholic, so I can always find work to do, it’s the relaxing and doing stuff for myself that’s the struggle.  Last summer was relatively easy because we were opening a new school and a lot of my summer was scheduled for me.  I’ve had those summers full of taking classes or going to meetings to keep me busy.  There’s something weirdly comforting about filling up the calendar with stuff that gives me a sense of purpose.  So I decided that THIS summer, because I had earned it, I was going to R-E-L-A-X.  Which then turns into me sitting around and thinking about what I should do next.  Which then leads to setting goals.  After all, I could set some RELAXING goals, right?  Reading, writing my first blog, napping, taking little rides in my convertible, taking care of my plants, watching TED talks, working on the house.

But did I mention that I’m a teacher?  After about 3 weeks of break and a couple of professional development sessions and some reading and watching TED talks, I start getting anxious for school.  I have all this new STUFF to try out!!  How am I going to rearrange my room, organize lesson plans better, learn more about world drums, yada, yada, yada.  But I have six more weeks of relaxing to do!!

Oh, and my husband is a teacher as well.  Well, he’s a band director.  That’s a teacher, right? Anyway, just when we finally get our breaks together, the craziness begins.  Lots and lots of writing drill, sometimes summer classes, band camp.  So many weeks of relaxing ALONE.  And again, after being with 325 of my favorite elementary kids for 9 months, alone time is a wonderful thing.  I just need to think of more things to do….

So, back to the analogy.  Time in the summer is that wonderful gift card, and I have to decide what I want to do with it.  I don’t want to get back to school in August and wish I had spent it better or regret not really taking time for me.  I want it to be productive and relaxing at the same time.  Not sure I’ve come up with the ultimate solution yet, but in the meantime, here’s to six more weeks of relaxing!

 

 

 

My parents were an interesting couple.  Dad was born and raised in Chicago.  His mother and Ernest Hemingway’s mother were neighbors for a time in Oak Park.  There was a strong emphasis on education and the arts, as most of my dad’s family was involved in music, some professionally.  There was no country living and as he used to say when asked about eating outside “if we were meant to eat outside we would still live in caves”.  Food was from the grocer and heavily German.

My mother on the other hand was the daughter of itinerant farmers who traveled between Kentucky, Indiana and Ohio, where she was born.  Changing schools often, she finally decided to quit school, later finishing her GED. She was taught early how to cook a lot of food for farm hands and it was family style, very country, lots of frying and things fresh from the garden.  My parents met in the Air Force and married and a blending of cultures of sorts began.

Being a traditional couple, dad was head of the household in terms of what he wanted on the table, and he expected mom to cook in the way he was used to eating, so I only remember eating things from cans, boxes, plastic bags and packets. While I knew of course where things came from (well, most of it), I had never seen it grown, raised, picked, etc.  Well, I did try to help my grandmother get eggs from her chickens once, but I left traumatized. And a lot of things that people eat outside, say for instance, roasted over an open fire, were never introduced to me well, because of dad. So the irony is, here’s the city girl, who meets this great country guy, and the learning begins. Just a few examples:

Fish is not square.  I never ate fish unless it was square or a stick.  I knew what fish looked like, but never really considered how they got into that square.  Doug’s dad fishes and his mom cooks that fish. The night I watched her grab those still wiggling fish out of the bucket and filet them was a whole different thing for me.  Coated in crumbs and fried however, they are amazing.

Corn grows where?  Doug grew up just around the bend in the hollow from his grandparents, so we would often walk from his parent’s house to his grandparents and take the boys.  One time it was just me and his grandmother with the boys and one of them asked, “mom, what part does the corn grow on?”  I had no idea, but thought I could just figure it out by looking at it, so I gave a response, to which Doug’s grandmother replied, “Oh Judy.  Don’t tell them stories!”  I laughed like I was in on this “story”, but obviously I had blown it.

Everyone in Nebraska drove a tractor when they were a kid and knows the difference between makes of tractors.  So now I live in Nebraska – a little bit city and a lot of country. I have literally sat at meetings where EVERYONE talks about their experiences driving a tractor. And these were music meetings!  I have NEVER to this day driven a tractor and not sure I want or need to.

You can eat squirrel?  One of the first times I dropped in on Doug’s parents his mother looked at me and actually said out loud, “well, I guess we won’t have squirrel tonight”.  Do have have that kind of look?  And who would actually eat a cute little squirrel? Or rabbit?  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

I share all of this because I have had two more simple “firsts” in my life recently.  You’ll probably laugh, but I ate my first s’more the other day and shelled fresh peas for the first time yesterday.  And both were yummy! Besides never being too old to learn new things, it leads me to these last thoughts about how having even the smallest new experiences can change you, little by little.

First, admit it if you haven’t experienced something.  You could be missing out on something cool if you don’t try it or at least learn more about it.  I always say that to my kids, but applying it to myself can be a different thing. I mean, at my age it can be embarrassing  to admit you’ve never experienced certain things before!  Secondly, you can never assume that everyone has had the same experiences that you have.  Understand that because they’ve had different experiences, they have different perceptions and beliefs than you do.  It comes from way down deep and has helped to create who they are.  Lastly, you cannot judge people based on their experiences or lack of.  Maybe they’ve never had the opportunity to experience things that you have.  Maybe it runs against their belief systems or culture.  Or maybe it’s just different, period. We can only share with each other and educate each other from a point of love and openness.  How else will they learn that fish is not square?

The voice on the other end of the speaker said “Welcome to——–.  Today’s flavor is Kick-ass Squirrel”.  After he finished, I calmly gave my order and as we were driving around the corner of the building, Doug asked, “did he just say kick-ass squirrel?”.   The marquee for the restaurant came into view as we rounded the corner – Flavor of the Day – Kit Kat Swirl.  Needless to say, we both broke down in uncontrollable laughter.  If only the guy at the window understood why these two old people were laughing hysterically when we drove up.  Not like I could tell him of course.  He was all of 16 and taking his job very seriously.  How could I explain to him that he needed to communicate his message more clearly?

To be honest, I had heard some garbled words that sounded like kick-ass something, but I immediately wrote it off as not important and proceeded to communicate my need.  I don’t know if you deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis, but I have an example when it comes to teaching.  Kindergarten.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a 5 year old come up to me, excitedly tell me SOMETHING and wait for my appropriate response.  After I ask them to repeat it, sometimes more than once, and I still can’t get it, I smile and say something like “Wow!” or “Nice!”, hoping I’ve somehow responded in a way that doesn’t hurt the child’s feelings.  Sometimes they have trouble thinking of a word, or two, or three, or mispronounce something completely.  Rather than take the time to figure out what they’ve really said so I can respond correctly (and partially because I have 20 other 5 year olds impatiently waiting by doing things they shouldn’t), I just rush through it  and get to the task at hand.  Getting things done that I need to get done.   I remember responding with “Cool!” one day when a little girl shared with me that her puppy had died.  No kidding.  There’s no way to get out of something like that.  These kids are just as serious as that 16 year old fast food worker, but I’m not doing my job if I don’t listen and communicate honestly back to them.

The thing with communication is that it’s a two way street.  One person communicates an idea, a feeling, information, a warning and someone has to LISTEN in order for it to be meaningful.  I’m afraid that in this day of technology, where someone can just scan an email or delete without reading that we’re forgetting how to communicate altogether.  I watched a TED talk today about how brains communicate with other brains and how different parts of the brain light up depending on how the communication is delivered.  Relating to one another through stories,  personal or otherwise lit up the most areas.  So maybe we need to start thinking about communication as a way to light up someone’s brain.  Slowing down and listening needs to be a goal in my life and my hope is that I was able to light up your brain a little bit by sharing this story today.  No more kick-ass squirrels!

Words are powerful.  That was the title of my first blog.  They have the power to change lives for the better or for worse.  I have been watching and listening to the words being spoken by many different people since the shooting at the congressional baseball practice a couple of days ago.  I’ve heard inspiring words about this being a catalyst to bring people together in civil discourse.  I’ve heard how we need to draw a line in terms of the violence of our speech and thoughtfully consider the meanings of our words.  I’ve heard words blaming one side or the other for these violent words leading up to to this incident and others around the world.  I’ve heard sarcasm, distasteful humor and hate, all expressed in words through news outlets and social media.  We’ve seen that there are so-called adults who can’t handle philosophies different than their own and their need to resort to violent words, pictures and actions.  My question is, are we thinking of what we’re doing to our children?

Children today have access to so much information conveyed in so many different mediums.   Again, referring to my childhood dark ages, my information came from my parents, teachers and the three channels I was able to get on my TV.  Most people seemed to care about what children should see and hear.  Censors decided if words and actions were appropriate to be shown in people’s homes.  Now, as a musician, I don’t believe in censorship, but some thought needs to go into what we allow children to see and hear, especially by those adults closest to them. I believe that in those days, most parents tried to shelter their children from things they didn’t need to deal with.  I say most, because there have been and will always be those adults who are immature or damaged enough that they have to lean on children to feel better.  This sheltering didn’t mean not teaching responsibility or accountability; it was just understood that you didn’t expose children to certain things until they could mentally and emotionally handle it.

Children are concrete, not abstract thinkers and they see everything as it revolves around them. So it makes sense that when they hear something they maybe shouldn’t have to deal with, that they will internalize it and make it about them and use it in concrete ways.  I know because I work with children every day.  These are not bad children but I’m concerned with the words and emotions that come from them.  They come with unkind and sometimes violent words against others and ideologies that are too adult for their ages.  They quote things they have heard adults say, not understanding what the words really mean.  I have heard children say they are afraid, that they want to kill certain people, that people of other colors should go back to their countries.  Children don’t know if they agree or disagree with specific policies, but they repeat what they’ve heard and they use disrespectful words to describe people because of that.  And if they can do that with people they don’t know, what stops them from doing that with their families, classmates and others in their communities.

“Children may not obey, but children will listen”.  A line from Sondheim’s song Children Will Listen.  In my own life, I struggle with the words I heard as a child.  Words spoken against other groups or “types” of people by my parents, some spoken in hushed tones. Because of that, I tend to look at groups of people through sterotypes and have to stop myself to think differently.  Any teacher will tell you it is harder to reteach than to teach correctly in the first place.  My philosophies are based on that tape in my head, full of things I listened to, so my later experiences and my intellect have had to fight that sometimes. So much of what we’re saying in front of our kids or letting them hear is not going to make the world better, it going to make it more violent, justified by the fact that in our country we have free speech.  But with real freedom also comes responsibility and accountability.  This week, I think our congressmen found out first hand that from violent speech comes violent action from some. It just makes me think –

What will you leave to your child when you’re dead?

Only whatever you put in it’s head.

Things that your father and mother have said

which were left to them too.

                                                            Stephen Sondheim

As adults, we have to work to stop the violence by first considering the words we allow around children.  Words are powerful.

Within the last week or so, I have gone to a local chain restaurant to eat.  The first because I was craving breakfast for lunch (or 2nd breakfast), and the other to get pie because, after all, it was free pie night.  This is a wonderful place for just observing and listening.  Let me share.

It’s always a little awkward to go to a restaurant alone – thank goodness for cellphones, right?  But I purposefully brought a book and was seated in a booth in a corner of the restaurant.  Very comfy for an introvert. Until the waiter seated a lady about my age, also by herself, in the booth next to mine, facing me.  This is always awkward; do you say hi, start a conversation, not ever look up?  She was pretty involved with her cell phone, thank goodness, but I heard the waiter say something about her coming in for her usual pie.  This sparked my interest.  Was this a weekly thing, a guilty pleasure?  Very shortly a plate of peach pie and ice cream arrived with some iced tea and I watched (while trying hard not to LOOK like I was watching), as she took her time and enjoyed this pie.  She had a look of quiet contentment on her face and it made me think twice about sucking down my breakfast/lunch when it arrived. I had no time table, unlike school where I can stuff down lunch in 10 minutes, so I slowed down.  And I enjoyed the flavor and the solitude. And as I got up to leave, I wished a good day to the lady across from me.

Sometimes conversations from a table close to you get your attention.  The first sentence from the girl, who looked to be about 4th grade was “Joey, don’t swear in public”.  Joey, obviously her brother seemed to be slightly older and was seated next to their mother, who never looked up from her cell phone during this conversation.  Never blinked an eye.  Maybe Joey swears all the time.  Maybe mom does and it’s not a big deal.  The next statement is what really caught my attention.  The server brought water to the table and the girl asks, “Is this sink water?  I can’t drink sink water!”.  After I finished laughing (inwardly of course), my next thought was, I wonder if she knows that there are people in the world who would give anything for “sink water”?  And here on her table, handed to her in a clean glass was cold, beautiful water.  I can’t say I would have been grateful either at her age (although bottled water was something I never considered back in the dark ages), but it was an opportunity to be grateful for what I had placed in front of me.  Her last statement, again to brother Joey was, “Joey, you watch too much Futurama”. Oh, and by the way, mom never looked away from her cell phone, except for the time she left the kids by themselves to step outside for a little bit.  Not that I’m making a judgement of any kind here. Or maybe she was just dreaming of school beginning again….

TED talks are a wonderful thing.  I try to watch one every morning to get my brain going and my spirit off to a positive start.  My latest thing is leadership.  I keep finding myself in positions of what others call “leadership”, but I certainly don’t feel like a leader.  Leaders are people who do things that I wish I could do but will probably never achieve. So I’ve been watching TED talks to see if there’s some magic trick to knowing that what I’m doing is good leadership and will teach me how to do it better.

I came across this gentleman Drew Dudley, and the title was Everyday Leadership.  Sounded promising.  What I learned from that talk is that I’ve been misinterpreting leadership.  I keep looking at the leaders in the world, in my profession, in my life, who make a real difference and say, I want to make a difference too, without realizing that I have made a difference, it’s just not the way I’ve always thought of it.  Leadership isn’t about titles, making lots of money, being splashed all over every type of media but it’s changing individual lives, a lot of times without you even knowing it.

Based on his talk, I’ll give you a couple of examples in my own life that mirrored his.  I’ve been lucky to have had MANY great leaders in many areas of my life.  For instance, my mother-in-law has been the best leader in terms of how to be a good wife and mother.  I know that I have changed by watching her example and hopefully that has affected my family in a positive way.  She would never recognize that in herself, but it has had great meaning to me.  I have a friend who I’ve known since high school.  He was and is extremely talented, intelligent and hardworking.  I don’t get opportunities to see him very often so I took advantage one time I was with him to express my gratitude for something he said to me in high school that changed how I approached life in general and our profession specifically.  As I quoted this to him, he looked confused and told me he didn’t remember it at all.  The important thing is that I did and it has changed my life for the better.

Of course, these are examples of how others have demonstrated everyday leadership to me, but the question is, have I demonstrated it to others on an individual basis?  You know, I work in one of the most amazing professions in the world and as do all teachers, we have the opportunity to affect many lives. But how often do we say things that really stick with a person and change the trajectory of their lives?  An example for me was a former student, now in her 30’s that I had taught for several years in music and choir in elementary/junior high.  After high school, she went to college to major in something practical, something she was good at, but was not her passion.  She remembered something I had said during some class about always following your passion.  I don’t remember it specifically, but I do encourage kids to do what they love and hope they do.  But what I said changed the direction of her life and she has followed her passion to become an Irish Dance teacher.  The effort she had to exert to accomplish this goal  was amazing, but even more amazing is the smile I see on her face on her social media pictures, doing what she loves.

What this very short talk has done for me is make me very aware that what we do for and say to each other on a daily basis is so important.  Everything you do, from saying something encouraging to showing simple acts of kindness can make a real, lasting  difference in someone’s life.  Take time to listen, pay attention, be honest and most of all be an example to everyone of what everyday leadership can look like.  I’m working on it!

The question comes from my very direct middle son – the same son who asked me why I felt the need to get pedicures, but that’s another story.  He asked this one day as his dad and I picked him up from work after we had attended a wedding. I should let you know that I fairly recently bought a cute little yellow VW convertible and we had the top down and the music blaring.  As he stuffed his much taller frame into the tiny back seat of the car, made easier by the fact that we had the top down, he asked the question.  “Why are you having a mid-life crisis now?”.

Well, if this was technically a mid-life crisis, my projected life span would be 114, so I’m sure he was thinking I was WAY too old to be behaving this way.  Well, maybe I am, but there are reasons leading up to some changes in my life.  Like death, for instance.

Ok, I get that death is a heavy subject, but it explains why I’m doing some of the things I’m doing.  For instance, I was asked this year by a colleague, about the same age as my  middle son, why I decided to change jobs and open a new building.  Again, a good question.  I had been at my former school for 12 years, I loved the staff and administration.  I felt fairly established.  Retirement could be just down the road.  And yet, I chose this new route.  Why?  Changing schools was HARD.  It was like going through a grieving process of sorts.  Sad, homesick, questioning my sanity, trying to find a way to go back, and then finally finding my groove again.  But I needed to experience it.

My dad passed away 10 years ago this August.  During one conversation we had before he passed, he told me he wished he had done more.  Why hadn’t he learned to ski while we lived in Colorado?  He spent many years at the end of his life sitting in his recliner, reading books and listening to music.  All very nice, but he didn’t travel, didn’t try to fulfill a bucket list and he regretted it at the end.  This made an impact.  Especially when only a handful of people attended his funeral.  He never went out, so he never met anyone new.  He was an amazing, intelligent, kind man, and very few people knew.

In the last several years, I’ve had friends, family and acquaintances who have died prematurely, some very unexpectedly.  Life is short and we all have a purpose.  When I was a senior in high school, my prom date and I were in an accident that totaled his car.  My head hit the windshield (no seatbelt – it would have wrinkled my dress) and as I flew back into my seat, it actually pulled out some of my hair.  There were tiny pieces of glass right at the crown of my head.  And all I had was a mild concussion.  The doctor said  I must have hit it just right because I should have either died or been paralyzed and I was neither.  I believe that there’s a reason why I survived, a purpose to be here, but have I done what I was meant to do?  Have I allowed fear and anxiety to keep me from doing more?  The VW is just a symbol of that stepping out and doing something that’s more than necessary, practical or expected.  It’s part of an adventure that I’m working on.  Welcome to my mid-life crisis.

Nope, no typos.  It occurred to me today that how we teach in schools should be more like dealing with restrooms.  Public restrooms in particular. Stay with me here – it’s going to make sense here in a minute.  I hope. So today I had the opportunity to use several public restrooms, in a couple of restaurants and a movie theater.  Each one is different, and loaded with challenges.  The first challenge is the choice of stalls – I’m speaking to women here of course.  Research says that the first one you come across is actually the cleanest because most people bypass the first stall and go to the second one.  Go figure.  So, choice of stall is important.  Then of course there are many choices in terms of flushing, handles, buttons, self-flushing and of course, sometimes you have to flush for someone else who apparently lacked the skills or moral fortitude to do it themselves.  Sometimes it doesn’t work when you push the handle down, so you experiment – maybe going up will work, maybe holding longer will work.  So you have to be a skilled trouble shooter to get the job done.  Oh, and have you ever had a door that won’t stay closed?  How creative have you had to be in that case?

And washing hands is another challenge.  The faucet can be automatic (provided you place your hands in just the right place), you can push down on it and hope you get hands washed/rinsed before it stops, or you can go the old fashioned route and turn it on and off.  At one point today I had already dried my hands and thrown the towel away before I realized the water was still running.  Oops!  Then of course we have air dryers, paper towels you have to crank, paper towels you just have to run your hand across the sensor (sometimes it’s enough towel, sometimes it’s not), and those wonderful Dyson dryers.  Very cool.

So why should schools be like public restrooms?  I think we make school too predictable.  There’s a lot to be said for consistency, but a lot of times we’re so concerned about consistency that we don’t give kids a chance to figure it out themselves.  There aren’t enough opportunities for them to troubleshoot, to learn to do things differently in different situations.  The current trend is that they need to learn everything exactly as we tell them or they will fail The Assessment. Every detail of every bit of behavior is listed on posters, including how to behave in the restroom (ironic, huh?).  But we never sit down with them and say, “hey, how would you handle this situation”?  What skills, strengths and knowledge do you have to solve this problem? We even want teachers to all behave the same towards kids so that kids know what to expect.  But what’s wrong with kids figuring out how to deal with different people in different ways?  What’s wrong with kids seeing that there’s more than one way to do something and let them figure it out using research, seeking clues around them or by using different skills they’ve developed on their own?  Then perhaps they won’t lack the skills or moral fortitude to face bigger challenges in the future.