All of a sudden the room seemed so silent.  Like nobody was breathing.  I had listened to several different points of view on a particular topic during the meeting and I saw merits to both sides.  So, in my mind, I’m trying to continue listening while I’m trying to decide if there is a compromise or a way to reword what we’re trying to say that might be perceived in a better light.  So, I had raised my hand and been recognized and now the room was silent.  I’m hoping at this point that what I have to say makes sense because I have so many thoughts in my head now that it’s hard to organize them without having written them down.  So, I share my ideas and as I keep speaking, I can feel the heat coming up from my neck to my face, as it always does whenever I do or say something in front of other people.  And when I finish, I wait.  This is the torture part.  I got up the nerve to say something because I was passionate about it, but what if it sounded stupid or what if it was just wrong?  What if I had misheard or misinterpreted something and I would get rolled eyes from someone because obviously I had missed the point?  Well, thank goodness I was with kind people and apparently what I said was okay.  But this is what it feels like to be an introvert in a leadership position.

I’ve just started reading a new book called “Quiet” by Susan Cain.  It was recommended to me by someone who is also an introvert and she said it changed her life.  So of course, I was intrigued.  And so far it has been eye opening. Seems that as a culture, we’ve gone from a society of character to a society of personalities and because of this, we’ve now spent decades trying to make people more extroverted because apparently this will allow them to become more successful.  In 1956, an author by the name of William Whyte wrote a book where he talks about helping parents to “overhaul” their introverted children to become extroverted.  He actually referred to introversion as a “suburban abnormality”.  I remember my parents were always trying to make me more outgoing, sometimes placing me in what I considered uncomfortable situations to force me to become something I wasn’t.  I think a lot of kids who grew up in those days were heavily encouraged  to “get out of their shells” and “speak up” more as though who we were wasn’t good enough. It’s not like I haven’t learned strategies that allow me to speak up now, either in a meeting or in front of a large group, but I prepare in a completely different way than an extrovert would and my delivery is completely different.

So, now as an educator, here’s my issue.  Are we as teachers still doing the same thing to our students?  Instead of allowing the introverts in our classrooms to be themselves, are we forcing them to do things they’re really uncomfortable with?  I understand that it’s a good thing to push ourselves and our students out of our comfort zones once in a while, but it should stop if it’s actually an attempt to change their personalities.  Here are some examples.  Instead of sitting by themselves at their own desks, everyone is put into small groups and encouraged to do group activities.  That’s fine, but as an introvert, I can tell you it’s hard to get a word in edgewise and the loudest person in the group ALWAYS seems to get their ideas accepted, even if it’s not what everyone agrees with.  And introverts are thinkers – we need TIME to think.  When I’m in a staff meeting and the principal says, okay take 5 minutes and write down all the ideas you can think of for….. and be prepared to share, I am thrown into a panic.  First of all, I need to digest the information, then take time to really think about it before I can even begin to synthesize a list.  I need QUIET.

As a kid, music was something I knew I could do and I was pretty comfortable there.   I had friends who also loved music AND were a bit more outgoing, so I would latch onto them.  But how about my students now?  What am I really doing for my introverted students who don’t feel comfortable in my classes?  What kinds of opportunities am I giving them to think before they do?  It’s as much of an activity class as it is academic, so where are there places in my lesson plans where I stop and allow them to either work by themselves or just think?  It is certainly a challenge and I’m looking forward to finishing the book to see what else she has to say.  How can I use what I learn to make things more inclusive in terms of personality?

So, as a result of some of the reading I’ve been doing lately, I decided to do the “anti-social” thing and not go to a social activity with my wonderful colleagues. tonight. It’s not that I don’t love and appreciate each one of them, it’s just that I am learning to say “no thank you”and spend some needed quiet time alone and embrace my suburban abnormality.  Learning to be me so that I can also help kids learn to be themselves.