It was honestly not in my plan to go to the Dark Side.  My husband has told me on more than one occasion that he didn’t think he could be married to someone who went to the Dark Side.  For a while I actually went to school to join the Dark Side, but a move changed all that and once again I was on this side of the Dark Side.  So for years, I blissfully worked in the light, sometimes working for the Dark Side, but never actually stepping foot in it.  Until this past year apparently.

Most people think the Dark Side is a place of power, a place where you can make your own rules and nobody is telling you what to do.  You are master of your realm, the maker of your destiny, but this is not true.  Those who go to the Dark Side have to answer to even more people, be more accountable, be more in the public eye, not allowed to hide away in their perceived lair.  They’re expected to have all the answers, and if they don’t, they have to find the answers.  So many questions!!  So many answers, over and over and over.  (Nobody reads anymore).  I’ve watched my friends and colleagues who went over to the Dark Side and it’s tough.  I made my decision years ago not to cross over.  While there are bright spots to be had, and triumphs to be experienced, there is also conflict, and unkindness and accusations – things I try to avoid like the plague.  Another reason to definitely NOT go over to the Dark Side.

So I’m having this conversation with a good friend last night, and we’re talking about ways we can get others to get a taste of what teachers deal with, and seeing as we’re both in the classroom…. No, wait.  One of us is still in the classroom and the other is not.  And he says, yes, you were in the classroom, but now you’ve gone to the Dark Side.  Me?  The Dark Side?

There’s no “Dr.” in front of my name.  I don’t have the title of “principal” or “supervisor” or “Darth”.  My title is “teacher leader”.  Teacher.  It’s in the name.  But the truth is, I’m neither a classroom teacher nor an administrator within the Dark Side.  I’m like the drum major in a marching band – neither a member of the band nor the director.  A no man’s land.  To the teachers I am no longer a teacher and to administration I’m not administration.  And it’s exactly where I want to be.

There comes a time in your life when you know you need to get out of the way for others to do their thing, when you know that what you’re doing may not be as good as it once was, not done with as much enthusiasm as it should be.  Teaching is what I’ve always done, I’ve given literally half of my life to the profession, but there is more to teaching than just the act of teaching and that’s where things get exciting – in a completely nerdy kind of way.  Now I work to help make things easier for those hard working, give everything they’ve got teachers, because I DO know what it’s like and now I can now advocate for and in some cases provide things/services I wish I had had.  

So perhaps I have one foot in the Dark Side and one outside, but that just allows me to see things from a couple of different perspectives.  I’m learning that maybe the Dark Side isn’t the bad place it’s made out to be and again, I’m exactly where I want to be.