Teachers are a resilient bunch.  The entire profession is full of people who believe that if you’re given a lemon you make lemonade, because, well, they have to on a daily basis.  Not enough equipment?  Beg, borrow or buy it yourself, but teachers make it happen.  Too many kids in a classroom?  We make it work.  Another staff or committee meeting?  We provide snacks to placate ourselves and make the meeting bearable.  Could explain why the clothes are getting tighter.

Teachers even try to outdo each other when it comes to lunch and bathroom breaks.  Who am I kidding – there are no bathroom breaks.  There is that 30 seconds where you realize you could actually dash across the hall since you’ve got the room set up for the next class and they’re not there yet.  I’m not speaking from a grade level classroom point of view, so maybe another teacher there can cover while you run.  But in my world where the closest teacher is probably teaching kids how to spike a volleyball, I just can’t ask him to suddenly develop x-ray vision and see through several walls to watch my kids while he’s doing that.  So I make the dash.  Or I wait.  And this is where we start trying to outdo each other.  “I didn’t get to use the restroom all morning and just barely made it to lunch”.  “Oh yeah?  Well, I made it all day”.  Seriously people, this is not healthy.  It’s barely human.

And then we brag about how fast we can inhale lunch.  If need be, I can seriously stuff down a sandwich, chips, fruit and my pudding cup in 10 minutes.  Of course, my stomach is a mess now, and I won’t be able to use the bathroom until after school, so it will have to wait.  I’ll have something else to brag about later. We even go to workshops and other day long meetings where the speaker says things like, “do we really need 45 minutes for lunch?  We can get back to business in 30, right?”.  Of course 30 sounds like a bit of paradise.  We laugh about it and, like it’s a badge of honor say things like, “of course, let’s do it in 20!”.   Don’t you want to be a teacher?

All of this is done, of course, in the name of keeping everyone on a schedule so we can fit in all the mandated stuff the state and district asks teachers to do.  It’s scripted and timed.  Except for the time needed for things like kids coming in from recess on a winter day when it takes them forever to get their boots off, their coats, hats and gloves put away, their bathroom break and a drink before they start class.  People in the central office must think kids teleport from place to place I guess.  This is why everyone is on such a tight schedule.

So, imagine my delight when I had to go to a board meeting with other educators and my day looked more like this.  Breakfast was an hour long buffet with conversation with my colleagues and time to use the bathroom before we started.  There were scheduled bathroom/rest breaks that (gasp), lasted much longer than 30 seconds!  There was a buffet lunch where we had an hour to sit with a real plate and silverware, have someone refill our glasses and take our plates AND we had time to go to the bathroom.  We started at a certain time and we ended (and I mean ended) at a certain time.  No before school or after school responsibilities.  All of our work was done during work hours.  And the amazing thing here was I felt like I was being treated like an adult.  Like a professional.

I know that there are other professions who struggle with time constraints.  I’m not sure how medical personnel do all the things they do in the hours they keep.  They’re amazing.  But I’m pretty sure we deal with as many bodily fluids as they do.

All this said to make a point.  We have chosen a profession in which we teach children and, in turn, are often times treated like the students we teach.  Creativity has been taken away from most teachers, just like it has been taken away from our students.  Having lesson plans timed and scripted for them and behavior management scripted to make sure each student is treated exactly the same (even though we’re expected to be able to differentiate our teaching???), is once again treating professionals like students.  I’m concerned especially for our younger teachers who remind me a little of Stepford Wives, repeating the company line, drinking the Kool-aid.  Those of us who have been teaching a while at least have a larger bag of tricks and can adapt much easier to situations while others just repeat what they’ve been told, hoping things in their classroom will change or get better because “research” has told them it will.  But sometimes that research leaves out the unknown, the “x-factor” if you will.  And that is the child.

So, tomorrow morning, I will dash to school, start choir at 7:45, run to the bathroom when I get the chance, inhale my lunch at my desk and stay as late as I need to to get things done.  And, like every other teacher I know, despite these and so many other challenges, I will continue to consider myself a professional educator, even if I’m not always treated like one.

 

Play hard, work hard.  That’s what I’ve always heard – that there is a time to work and a time to play.  I’m all for play myself.  When I retire, one day, way in the future, I hope to play a lot.  But in the meantime, I work hard at a profession that is held to a high standard, perhaps a higher standard than any other profession.  You see, I and my colleagues are responsible for the future of generations.  We are highly educated, highly motivated, and deeply passionate about what we do. And yet, as much as we are held to a high standard by others, we’re not always treated with the respect one might associate with other professions.

I include my profession with any other profession that might require a college degree.  I have spent years in higher level institutions studying my craft.  I even had to pay to do what might be referred to as an internship in other professions.  I have continued to study at professional in-services and conferences, flex sessions and workshops.  Anyone else in any other profession for the 27 years as I have, would be looked up to as an expert in their field. But for some reason, we are always questioned, held to a higher standard than just about any other profession and subjected to accountability “busy work” that undermines our self esteem and wastes the time we could be using to focus on students.  All for a salary that should make it apparent as to what our real motive is for staying in this profession, because it certainly isn’t for the money.

So here is where I’m going to get a little hard on our profession.  I have shared that if I could get away with it, I would live in jeans and t-shirts.  That’s my personality.  However, I dress in a way that any other profession would consider professional.  Well, except for casual Fridays, but even then I tend to try to dress up the jeans a bit.  You see, I believe it’s hard for the public to judge us a professionals if their impression of us is anything but.  When a parent walks into a school and a teacher is wearing something that a teenage fast food worker would wear, it leaves an impression.  And when we post things on social media that include inappropriate language or behaving in a way that a parent might consider questionable, it leaves an impression.  Unfair perhaps, but reality.  And when we attend a conference where we are supposed to be learning and honoring the best we have to offer as educators and we turn it into fun and games for others both inside and outside of our profession to see, we make an impression.  All we’re doing is making things harder for ourselves.

I feel like I have spent my entire professional career trying to convince people to take education, and in particular, music education seriously.  I have advocated in Nebraska’s state capital and on capitol hill.  I have served on boards learning about and teaching advocacy to help our music educators and their students.  And yet we’re shooting ourselves in the foot when we don’t expect more out of ourselves in terms of professionalism.  If we don’t expect more of ourselves, how can we ever  expect others to respect us or our profession?  I believe treating ourselves with a little more dignity can help our cause.

I’m afraid that a lot of us look at the word dignity and think old and stodgy.  But it covers so much more than that.  The definition includes:

• The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. A composed or serious manner or style. A sense of pride in oneself; self-respect

It comes from the Latin meaning “worthy”.

So, being dignified is more of how we view ourselves and therefore present ourselves to the world as educators.  If we’re to take ourselves and our profession seriously, we must consider ourselves worthy of respect and treat ourselves that way.  That means paying attention to the details that project that image to others.

And perhaps the concept of decorum is dead.  It is certainly a lost art.  It seems today that everything has to be “fun” and “exciting”, but that kind of atmosphere isn’t always appropriate in every setting.  There are certain places where dignity and decorum are not a bad thing.  It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself but save the yelling and whistling for a football stadium, not a concert venue or professional conference.  There are times and places, just like there is time for work and a time for play.  Decorum is defined as behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety.  This doesn’t mean you have to be stodgy, but there are times in our lives that if we want to be taken seriously as professionals, there are cultural and societal norms that must be met.

Now, some of my musician friends may be foaming at the mouth here because as musicians and artists, we don’t necessarily want to fit a mold and most of us hate being told what we should do.  That’s part of the reason we became musicians in the first place. We didn’t want to be engineers or doctors or lawyers.  We choose to be educators.  But with that decision comes outside expectations as to how we should behave and we need to be aware of how we want to be perceived as individuals and how we want to represent our profession.

There is a shortage of teachers right now in this country, a lot of which has to do with how our current political climate has demonized public education.  However, I believe we can turn that around if we begin to treat ourselves as worthy and treating ourselves in a dignified manner.  Then perhaps our young people will want to be part of a great profession that garners respect because we respect ourselves.

Tomorrow morning begins the yearly pilgrimage downtown to attend our state music educators conference.  I can’t begin to compare a music conference to any other conference, because frankly I’ve never attended anything else.  I began attending conferences right after we were married as a spouse and when I finally began my own music training, I was an officer for our local MENC chapter.  Then for years, I went as a teacher, going to interesting sessions and seeing old friends, and having meals together.

I don’t know if other educational disciplines gather the same way, but musicians are passionate, excitable people.  There will be much hugging and many smiles as old friends greet each other in the exhibits and at sessions.  Many will gather at the end of the day in groups in the hotel bar area to catch up, talk about current practices and just relax.  There will be music playing in concert venues, an opportunity for some directors to share what their students are doing and an opportunity for others to learn from the performance.  I can’t imagine a math or reading teacher demonstrating their skill and the skills of their students in such a public way.

So, I’m still a teacher and still attending, but my perspective has changed.  While I still have more to learn (we all do), I now feel the desire and responsibility to teach others as well.  I have developed passions within the profession that I want to share with whoever will listen.  Granted, I can’t imagine anyone showing up to an 8:00 a.m. session on Advocacy, but maybe there are other nerds out there, right?  And, this year also brings a new experience; I’m presenting a session on relationships with Doug.

Now, you have to understand that we began to, or should I say attempted to teach together even before we were married. I quickly learned that this easy going guy could get pretty feisty if his teaching or drill writing were questioned.  That should have been a big red flag for me, but no.  So for the next 20 years or so, I taught band camp with him but we learned to stay away from each other. He stayed inside writing and I stayed outside teaching.  Whenever he came outside, I would stop teaching.  It stopped many an argument, let me tell you.  So now, for some crazy reason, we’re going to present a session together.

It’s a combination of two completely different teaching styles.  He is very quick on his feet and can vamp for days.  I, on the other hand need an outline, a powerpoint presentation and practice.  I have been on him to get the Keynote presentation together for a while.  The presentation is the day after tomorrow and he’ll have it finished tomorrow.  Well, at least he did one for me, right?

The session is appropriately about music educators and relationships.  There are MANY relationships for music educators, but the most complicated I think is when a musician is married to another musician.  Dealing with juggling kids, work, performances, football games, plays and trying to have a somewhat functional marriage is ridiculously hard.  But we’ve managed to survive for 37 years, so I guess we’re qualified to speak about it.

And why do this?  Because we’ve seen too many teachers making destructive decisions about and within their relationships where spouses, children, students and the community as a whole gets hurt.  Relationships are complicated and there no quick fixes, but hopefully if we’re honest and open about what we’ve experienced and how we’ve persevered this long, maybe we can help others.

So tomorrow begins yet another music conference, but it’s still full of learning and new experiences and I’m looking forward to being among “my people” again!

 

We all do it, you know.  We use our powers of persuasion to make changes in our lives or the lives of others.  We do it so that others will see a different point of view, do things a different way, or change their behavior.  As a teacher, I use it all the time, attempting to persuade kids to try something new, step out of their comfort zone or change a disruptive behavior.  Persuasion comes from a place of love, concern or passion.  It’s the desire to see someone do something to improve themselves, an organization, a business – well, just about anything.  But sometimes we dip into the dark side of manipulation.  Oh sure, I use it with my kids when I say things like “I’m watching to see who’s following my directions and they’ll get to play instruments first!”.  But that’s really to save my sanity as well as get the behavior I want.

I grew up with the QUEEN of manipulation.  She would do something awful and by the end of her ranting would have you apologizing for something she did.  I have to say it was masterful. And having had such a great teacher, sometimes it’s easy for me to fall into that myself. It’s easy for me to manipulate a situation or person so that I get the result I want if I feel like I’m right and someone or something else is wrong.  Is that a bad thing if it comes out right in the end?  Yes, because manipulation doesn’t come from a place of selflessness or caring about something deeply, but it comes out of selfishness, wanting to get my own way and a lot of times, out of fear. Looking back, I believe my mother manipulated frequently out of fear.

A lot of time the manipulation came about because she was afraid of losing something important in her life or that her choice in lifestyle or priorities were questioned which made her feel inadequate and defensive.  She was not a self assured person, and looking back, I tend to believe she did a lot of what she did because manipulation made her feel more empowered.  People behaved the way she wanted and said what she wanted whenever she manipulated.  However, multiple people were also hurt in many ways, some for decades.  Even on her deathbed, she said things to hurt and manipulate in the hope that we would react in a certain way for a final satisfaction of some kind.  That was three years ago and I still think about it.  And it still hurts.

So again, I too can manipulate, but there’s such a feeling of guilt when I do it that I work hard not to do it anymore.  The solution for me is to find somethings that I am very passionate about that drives me to persuade others that it is a good idea or a good thing to do.  The feelings that come from seeing heads nod or having deep conversations with others brings a satisfaction I can’t describe.  I’ve shared many times that I am quite the introvert, but when a subject comes up that I’m passionate about, it’s as though I can’t keep the ideas from overflowing the floodgates and I need to share and/or fix things.  So much more satisfying and positive than manipulation and something that is so far away from fear for me.  And true leaders persuade, they don’t manipulate.

I think this is what angers me so much about our leadership at all levels today.  Everyone from social media to the news media, to our representatives and our President seem to want to do more manipulation than persuasion.  Maybe the art of persuasion is dead; I don’t know. They try to change our minds and hearts through fear and anger and you can see on a daily basis where this is going.  It’s one of the reasons I don’t watch a lot of news of any kind anymore.  I’m tired of people trying to manipulate me.  And if we the people, would just stop for a minute and think for themselves and act out of passion and positivity instead of fear and hate, the world would be a much better place.

As Kid President says, “Treat people like they’re people, people!”.  Kind persuasion brings about much better results than selfish manipulation.  It’s something I’m going to keep working on and something I’ll be teaching my students.  Perhaps the art of persuasion will make a comeback so that our children and students will live in a more thoughtful, passionate and compassionate world.

 

 

 

 

 

Rowdy: Noisy and disorderly.  A ruffian, troublemaker, lout, hooligan, thug, hoodlum, tough, yahoo, punk, knuckle-dragger.

I don’t believe that I’ve every been referred to as rowdy before.  I tend to be the one at the table who laughs at all the funny things going on, but I am very seldom noisy and disorderly.  And although I love the term “knuckle-dragger” here in the list of synonyms, the people I was hanging out with were anything but knuckle-draggers.  For me, knuckle-dragger connotes someone of low intelligence, but the people I was with were anything but.  This was a group of highly educated, highly intelligent people letting off some steam after a couple of days of long intense meetings.  And it was FUNNY!  I hadn’t laughed that much in a while and it felt good.

So, how can an introvert be rowdy, you might ask?  You might be assuming that introverted means shy and quiet, so therefore, if you’re rowdy, you’re not an introvert, but that is not necessarily the case.  An introverted person CAN be shy and quiet, but introversion refers more to how a person needs to recharge, and in my case, I need to be alone and quiet.  A lot of introverts have learned how to deal with social situations like last night, and so it doesn’t mean that we don’t have fun with groups of people.  And these people brought out the best in me in terms of conversation because it was quick witted and intelligent.  It kept me on my cerebral toes, so to speak.

My problem earlier in my life was not understanding that I needed time to recharge.  I thought back to my childhood and teenage years, and with all the stress and busy-ness, I don’t remember thinking intentionally about recharging but I think I did it naturally.  I spent time in my room by myself when I was working on something.  I went on solitary bike rides for hours.  I would go over to the school across the street and hit tennis balls off the wall.  I would get lost in a good book.  I think I actually helped myself through extremely stressful situations because of these things.

And then I became an adult, and with that transition comes adult responsibilities and work and children.  And no alone time.  It’s hard to explain how it feels when I don’t get to recharge, other than to say I get overwhelmed and anxious, and it affects my thought processes in a negative way.  And these feelings just seem to increase the longer I go without the recharge.  And for some reason I didn’t put two and two together to figure out that I needed to save time for myself.  I misinterpreted it as being lonely and fearful and I would take it out on people around me.

When I finally came to the realization that something was not right (I’m a little slow), I started reading all kinds of books telling me I needed to make time for myself.  Right – when?  And it seemed so selfish.  There were people counting on me so while it sounded nice, I just couldn’t do it.  Until this past summer when I started writing this blog.  It’s time I spend in quiet with my thoughts for about an hour.  I also started taking time to watch TED talks and thinking about them.  I also started reading again alone and in the quiet.  It’s amazing how I feel once I take some time for myself this way.  I have so much more energy for doing things and hanging out with people than I did before.

But sometimes I need to give some explanation to my friends/colleagues because I purposefully now walk away from group activities or turn down invitations when I sense I need to give myself some quiet time.  Like last night with all of those wonderful people at the rowdy table.  I was invited to go with them to stay rowdy for a little longer after dinner and I did for a little while, but then excused myself.  In the past I would have let them talk me into staying and then I would have been stressed about getting ready to fly home and getting enough sleep.  Instead, I gave everyone a hug and explained that I needed to get my quiet time and wished them a fun evening.

So, I hope my friends and colleagues will understand when I turn down an invitation or don’t join them in the faculty lounge for lunch.  It’s just that I need some recharge time and I know I have a crazy schedule coming up.  The busier I get, the more I have to be aware of this need to spend some quiet time alone.  And then perhaps I can have some more fun at the rowdy table another time.

Why does everything seem driven by politics today?  We see on a daily basis where people are divided by party lines; either you’re an elephant or a donkey.  And the animal who represents you has with it certain attributes.  Words like “progressive” which I think originally must have had a positive meaning are now used to insult those who are perceived as not “progressive”.  Because if you’re not “progressive”, you must be going backwards or standing still, neither of which is a good thing apparently.  Snowflakes used to be lovely things that fell from the sky during winter, however, now the word is used to insult young people who have been allowed to grow up without a lot of difficulty in their lives and apparently they don’t know how to handle it.  Not always their fault, but we insult them anyway instead of helping them.

It’s not that I don’t have a political belief system, it’s just not as black and white as the political parties would like us to be.  And I certainly don’t bring it into my job. I mean, could you imagine if I taught my kids based on whether their parents were democrat or republican?  How many assumptions could be made about those kids?  After all, the kids of republican parents are obviously all privileged white supremists who love guns, country music and camo while the kids of democratic parents have been raised in a nurturing environment where nobody says no, everyone is gay, vegetarian and prefers saving animals to babies.  Sound ridiculous?  Absolutely, but it’s just as ridiculous as believing that everything I do or say should be driven by my political affiliation.

My belief system comes first and my decision to follow any party at all comes from whether or not that party supports MY beliefs, not the other way around.  I don’t follow them, they should follow or represent me.  We have it completely backward right now.  And understanding that my beliefs or needs should be acknowledged by the parties drives who I ultimately vote for.  That’s the right of every voter and no one has the right to tell anyone how to think or believe.  I can share what I believe and why, but I also need to listen to others and hear why they believe what they believe.  Our political parties are not supporting this idea and seek to divide us further by pointing out our differences, not places where we might agree.

So when it comes to educating children, this one is a no brainer.  Children are our greatest gifts, our greatest resources.  We should spare no expense for these kids who are the future of our nation and our world, but that is not our reality.  And as a teacher, regardless of how much I am given in order to teach or how much or how little I am provided to do that teaching, my belief pushes me to educate those kids in the best way I can, regardless of what happens in this country politically.  So, my teaching does not change based on who is in the White House or the Department of Education, or what any document says, I still have the power to educate my students the best way I can.  To me, that makes ME the leader in terms educating the children, not someone of a higher pay grade who has no clue of what education is.

As I’ve become more involved in our state, regional and national music education association, I’ve learned so much about policy, bills, appropriations and the like and how all of these things are driven politically.  And, as a teacher, if I had to wait for these people in government to get their act together before I effectively taught my kids, it would never get done.  I don’t think this makes our government meaningless,  but at this time in history it is certainly ineffective.  So ineffective, in fact, that I can continue to do my job without them.

So, my teacher friends, let’s just imagine here that you work in a school and your principal has to be gone for a while.  Does the school fall apart?  Do we stop teaching?  No, just because the leadership is not currently there, we step in as a school community  and continue to not only do our own job, but in a lot of cases, band together to make sure everything gets done that needs to get done.  We didn’t need the principal to do that because we’re professionals, and as professionals, we can keep the building running.

I know we have a lot of people in the world concerned that everything is going to come to an end because we have a lack of real leadership right now in the political sense.  But the leadership isn’t just in Washington, it’s all of us, stepping in when the principal is out of the building. We’re the ones who continue to do our jobs, the people who step up and are willing to step into leadership roles and work together in a positive way to make things happen.  This lack of leadership CAN be temporary if we’re willing to take politics out of it and just do what’s right for people.  It’s not rocket science. Making sure that we vote for people who reflect our belief systems and not those who try to cast their belief systems on us is the first step, but then, regardless of the outcome, we become leaders by taking care of our children and each other.

 

All of a sudden the room seemed so silent.  Like nobody was breathing.  I had listened to several different points of view on a particular topic during the meeting and I saw merits to both sides.  So, in my mind, I’m trying to continue listening while I’m trying to decide if there is a compromise or a way to reword what we’re trying to say that might be perceived in a better light.  So, I had raised my hand and been recognized and now the room was silent.  I’m hoping at this point that what I have to say makes sense because I have so many thoughts in my head now that it’s hard to organize them without having written them down.  So, I share my ideas and as I keep speaking, I can feel the heat coming up from my neck to my face, as it always does whenever I do or say something in front of other people.  And when I finish, I wait.  This is the torture part.  I got up the nerve to say something because I was passionate about it, but what if it sounded stupid or what if it was just wrong?  What if I had misheard or misinterpreted something and I would get rolled eyes from someone because obviously I had missed the point?  Well, thank goodness I was with kind people and apparently what I said was okay.  But this is what it feels like to be an introvert in a leadership position.

I’ve just started reading a new book called “Quiet” by Susan Cain.  It was recommended to me by someone who is also an introvert and she said it changed her life.  So of course, I was intrigued.  And so far it has been eye opening. Seems that as a culture, we’ve gone from a society of character to a society of personalities and because of this, we’ve now spent decades trying to make people more extroverted because apparently this will allow them to become more successful.  In 1956, an author by the name of William Whyte wrote a book where he talks about helping parents to “overhaul” their introverted children to become extroverted.  He actually referred to introversion as a “suburban abnormality”.  I remember my parents were always trying to make me more outgoing, sometimes placing me in what I considered uncomfortable situations to force me to become something I wasn’t.  I think a lot of kids who grew up in those days were heavily encouraged  to “get out of their shells” and “speak up” more as though who we were wasn’t good enough. It’s not like I haven’t learned strategies that allow me to speak up now, either in a meeting or in front of a large group, but I prepare in a completely different way than an extrovert would and my delivery is completely different.

So, now as an educator, here’s my issue.  Are we as teachers still doing the same thing to our students?  Instead of allowing the introverts in our classrooms to be themselves, are we forcing them to do things they’re really uncomfortable with?  I understand that it’s a good thing to push ourselves and our students out of our comfort zones once in a while, but it should stop if it’s actually an attempt to change their personalities.  Here are some examples.  Instead of sitting by themselves at their own desks, everyone is put into small groups and encouraged to do group activities.  That’s fine, but as an introvert, I can tell you it’s hard to get a word in edgewise and the loudest person in the group ALWAYS seems to get their ideas accepted, even if it’s not what everyone agrees with.  And introverts are thinkers – we need TIME to think.  When I’m in a staff meeting and the principal says, okay take 5 minutes and write down all the ideas you can think of for….. and be prepared to share, I am thrown into a panic.  First of all, I need to digest the information, then take time to really think about it before I can even begin to synthesize a list.  I need QUIET.

As a kid, music was something I knew I could do and I was pretty comfortable there.   I had friends who also loved music AND were a bit more outgoing, so I would latch onto them.  But how about my students now?  What am I really doing for my introverted students who don’t feel comfortable in my classes?  What kinds of opportunities am I giving them to think before they do?  It’s as much of an activity class as it is academic, so where are there places in my lesson plans where I stop and allow them to either work by themselves or just think?  It is certainly a challenge and I’m looking forward to finishing the book to see what else she has to say.  How can I use what I learn to make things more inclusive in terms of personality?

So, as a result of some of the reading I’ve been doing lately, I decided to do the “anti-social” thing and not go to a social activity with my wonderful colleagues. tonight. It’s not that I don’t love and appreciate each one of them, it’s just that I am learning to say “no thank you”and spend some needed quiet time alone and embrace my suburban abnormality.  Learning to be me so that I can also help kids learn to be themselves.

 

Before I begin this, you should know that this is not going to be a man bashing blog.  I love men.  The men I get to hang around with are fun, intelligent and kind.  I’m actually married to the best man I know.  However, I believe there are advantages to being a woman.  No offense to all those great guys out there.  I’m not sure that as women we look at ourselves as having advantages or gifts, but I think we should.

First of all, the whole multi-tasking thing.  Seriously.  Have you ever watched a man try to multi-task?  Oh, they may START one task and then start another, but the first one will not get finished because, bless their hearts, they can only focus on one thing at a time.  This makes them really great at their careers because they are laser focused on the task at hand, however, the world could be falling apart around them and they would never know.  As a woman, I tend to take pride in the fact that in the classroom I can tie shoes, teach a lesson, send a kid to the bathroom, AND catch a kid trying to do something they shouldn’t, all at the same time.  It’s necessary.  For instance, I’m going out of town tomorrow.  I have laundry going, I’m creating a packing list in my head, I worked on a presentation for next week AND I’m writing my blog for the evening.  How else would I get everything done?

THIS is why there should be more women running for office.  The reason we can’t get anything done right now in D.C. is because the men can’t do more than one thing at a time and there are too many things to do at once.  Let’s get some women in there and we could whip out tax reform, healthcare, and allocate the proper amount to fund ESSA,   and still have time to grab takeout, pick up kids from school and help them with their homework later.  Cause I’m a woman….. Oh sorry.  Too militant? But I digress….

Women see details that men miss.  I think men are always looking at the big picture.  Not that they can’t see the details, but they only see the ones they think are important.   My husband is great about sharing the load at home because we’re both busy people, however, his idea of a clean apartment and mine are different because I see details that I think matter.  The smudge on the coffee table, the dust on the table, the inside of the microwave.  Why doesn’t anyone ever clean out the microwave?!?  We tend to make each other crazy when teaching marching band because he’s the big picture guy (literally) and I’m the detail visual tech.  I want to fix feet, horn angles, and pathways and he just wants to run the set to see how it all works together.  So I make him wait until I get the details fixed first : ) This again is why women are great in leadership positions.  They see the logistical details that I believe men can miss.  The details that make the big picture better.

Women are sensitive to the feelings of others and are sensitive themselves, which some consider a weakness.  I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at someone and can tell they’re down or stressed and men either don’t see it or dismiss it.  Just suck it up, right?  When you’re working with people, it’s important to recognize and acknowledge that the person may need a break or needs to talk.  When a person feels validated and listened to, it’s much easier to work together.  I think men have a really hard time doing that.  I also believe, that in an effort to be more “business like”, women try to behave the same way.  I think that strategy ultimately backfires as the person needing the validation may shut down or go elsewhere.  If we want to have a positive, productive relationship, whether it’s personal or business, it’s important to be sensitive to the needs of the people around you.  Don’t dismiss the gift just because men don’t tend to use it.

And can we talk about intuition?  The fact that sometimes as women we just “know”?  Too many times we dismiss that feeling because it doesn’t seem logical or someone may not take us seriously.  But how many times has your intuition been right?  How many times could you see or anticipate disaster coming and you watched it happen or stopped it from happening?  As an observer of life (and details), I think women are gifted in this area and need to embrace it.

The fact is, women and men are different.  Not better, not worse, just different.  Working together and using our strengths, I think would only increase productivity and develop greater relationships.  But women need to own up to the fact that what we have and what we do matters and that we make a difference in people’s lives because of our gifts.  And then maybe we need to stretch ourselves to see where those gifts take us.  While sometimes it can be a struggle, being a leader in what is considered a man’s world is exciting and stimulating and I am proud of the gifts I have been given to use. What would a world look like with more women in leadership and/or elected positions?  There’s only one way to find out.  Let’s all step out together and see.

 

Are you a “throw it in the dryer” kind of person or an “iron your jeans and underwear” kind of person?  Well, I’m a dryer person.  I’m most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt and if I could get away with it, I would wear that every day.  With sandals. One of the times I remember my mother getting most angry at me was when I told her I thought ironing was a waste of time and not something I wanted to do.  It was like I had personally insulted her. For her, I believe, ironing and taking care of how you looked was a sign of class. For me, not so much.  However, now, I work in a professional environment, and so I must dress in a professional way.  I’ve heard it said that you shouldn’t dress for where you are but for where you want to be.  Well, where I WANT to be is on a beach somewhere, but in terms of my career and my passion, I want to be in a place where I can make the most impact for the most people, and that usually requires that I at least try to dress the part.

So here I am, a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl in a business or business casual kind of world.  Well shoot, I’ll admit it, if I could be a bohemian, hippy kind of dresser and get away with it, I would.  Unfortunately, in our society, I’m not going to be taken very seriously that way, so I’m learning how to dress for where I want to go.  It’s a little bit frustrating because regardless of how I dress, I still have the same mind, heart and passion, but people can’t see those at first glance.  So I have to dress in a way that reassures people that I’m serious about what I’m doing or talking about.

I think what frustrates me the most however, is how impractical business wear for women can be.  While men have their basic suit, tie and flat dress shoes, women have to look professional, but not too masculine, not too feminine, skirts or dresses that can’t be too short or too long,  Flats don’t always look right with the outfit, but heels are uncomfortable.  I seem to remember a conversation last summer where men on Capital Hill talked about how sleeveless dresses and open toed shoes were inappropriate for women to wear in a business setting.  Does wearing these things hinder women’s thinking or contributions to the work that needs to be done?  Are these men distracted by arms and toes?  If so, I think they’ve got more problems than fashion sense.

But unfortunately, it’s the same everywhere.  Dressing more professionally gets you better service in restaurants and stores.  You’re treated differently on airlines.  Again, it’s still me, with the same attitude, smarts, socioeconomic status, but dressing one way gets me ignored, and dressing another gets me more attention.

My middle son experiences this type of treatment when he goes out.  He chooses to have longer hair and a beard and tends to wear jeans and casual shirts.  And people have literally walked to the other side of the street when they see him coming.  This is the most gentle, intelligent person you would ever want to meet, but his sometimes disheveled appearance concerns people.  Again, the assumption is that if you don’t really care about how you look, there must be something wrong with you.  For him, it’s not about how he looks, but how clean and comfortable he is.  It’s just HIM.  How many times have I judged people based on how they look before I’ve really gotten to know them? Far too many I’m sorry to admit.

And so this weekend, I fly to Dallas to meet with colleagues and I’m deciding what to wear.  How can I be that “dryer” girl and still look professional?  I’ll always envy those women on the board who can pull off the put together look with all the right shoes and accessories, but I’m working on figuring out who I am and what works for me in this environment.  Without the iron. And I should probably be more concerned with being prepared for the meeting than what I’m going to wear anyway, right?  Here’s to jeans and t-shirts!

 

Since I was nine years old, I have been carrying and moving musical instruments and equipment.  At first it was small, just my little plastic Bundy clarinet in its little green case to and from band.  A smart move for me because quite frankly, I have no upper body strength.  This worked just fine until high school where a uniform came into play.  Now I was carrying my instrument (now a saxophone in a large grey case because my band director said it made more sound than a clarinet for marching band), my uniform, my shoes and my hat box which held a huge Q-tip shako.  Not much changed in college, although now the hat was a “cowboy” hat so it was easier to carry and the “shoes” were rubber slip ons to go over your regular shoes.  I thought it was finished.  Then I married a band director.

Now I was working with flags and running them across the field setting them out.  I was helping him set up and tear down chairs and carrying stands for concerts.  I’m pulling tympani up the hill to the band room from the lawn concert.  I’m moving acoustic shells for contests held at the high school.  Good thing I was being paid for some of this.  You know, this is the kind of thing you don’t get trained for in methods classes or in marriage counseling.  No pastor ever sits down with you to make sure you’re okay lugging instruments around or setting up drum major podiums for your band director husband- to-be.  Otherwise I might have thought twice about it!

So then I became a music teacher, but decided to become a choral/general music teacher, so I didn’t have to lug around instruments anymore, right? No such luck.  I’ve gotten pretty good at pushing pianos, setting up risers, putting together platforms and setting up sound systems.  Again, no methods class ever taught me how to set up a sound system and avoid feedback.  I was taught about arias and art songs and oratorios, none of which I use with my students.  But a lesson on how to set up risers and sound systems might have been nice.

But then there is my own personal roadie.  The guy who shows up to just about every program and concert I have.  The guy who starts tearing down equipment while I’m still talking to parents and giving kids hugs.  The guy who sometimes has everything put away before I can get back to helping.  Like tonight.  By the time I finished talking to parents, the cords were wound up, the speakers were put in the bag and everything was ready to go.  It’s not that I can’t do it by myself.  Some nights we both have events to cover and he can’t be there.  But when he can, I’m grateful to have my roadie.

But isn’t this the perfect analogy for a great marriage?  Being there for each other when we can be and not making a big deal about it?   Learning new things to be a help when needed and pushing yourself to do things you haven’t done before?  I have to admit I’m starting to feel like I’m getting too “mature” to keep moving some of the heavier stuff,  but just like that good marriage, my roadie can tell when I need that extra help and I do my best to be available when he needs me.

As with any relationship, these experiences have helped us grow.  Not always pretty, not always smooth, not always without some whining on my part, but always a learning experience that helped us grow as a couple.  I’m not sure I appreciated these at the time,  but I wouldn’t trade any of it now.  After all, where would I be without my roadie?